Skerry Day at da Doggy Wash

Mama gotted me in da car wifowt Vito.  Not a gud sine.  I wuz pwitty shur it wuz a twip to da vetman.  Wen we stopped an' got owt, it smewwed wike da vet.  Uh-oh.  I sniffed arownd an' went away frum da dore.  Mama dwagged me in.  I cud heer a fella in da bak yellin' "Hewp me!  Get my mommy!  Wet me owt ov heer!!" over and over again.  He wuz in a cwate.  Did not wuk gud.   A lady came owt an' wuz reelly nice to me an' skritched my eers as she skooted me up a ramp. WATE!!  Whut iz DISS?? I am in a big shiny box! She taked my coller an' leesh an' putted a fing arownd my nek.  Den she sed sum stuff to Mama an' lefted us alone.  Mama wuz happy an' turned on a wadder fawsit.  She  she gotted me awl wet, den skwirted sum stinky stuff awl over me!  YUK!!  She rubbed me awl over an' taked a rubber fingy an' skrubbed me  awl over.  Den she eben lifted up my tale!!!  WHOA!!  Hozed me off, den did da hole fing over agan.  Dis time she skrubbed my gukky eer tips an' dat un menshunibble  spot under my tale.   OWCH!  Dat's my hiney yer skrubbin'!!  Da rinsin' iz not too bad -ok.  Now sheez got a kennel cloff.  Whut, no towl?  She rubbeded me awl ober an' kep' skweezin' it den rubbin' sum more.  Wow - awlmos' dry.  Now she gots a towl.  Mmmm...feels gud.   WATE!!!  Whut iz dat noyz????  ITS A SUKKY MASHEEN WIKE AT HOME!!!  EEEEEEEEKKK!!  HUH??? Its not sukkin' me up.  It's blowin' wike da wind.   Its tryna fool me into finkin' it won't get me!!  Help!  I wanna go home!!  Whew, Mama seems to get it.  Sheez stoppin' da monster masheen.  She tawked to da lady den we gots in da car.   Nex' stop - da doggy store!  YES!!  I see  a HYOODJE bone watin' rite dere fer me!  Ooops.  Not fer me.  Mama sez no, den sum ladies com over wif cukkies an' pets.  Not bad. Got enny more?   Mama gotted doggy fud, den we goed home.  She went owt an' did not com home fer a long long time. Gud fing...I needed a nappy.  Layter, we herd da story ov how da car wud not bring her home, but Daddy's fwend brot her an' da doggy fud - o yeah an' da peeple fud - home.  Gud fing!  We wuz reelly hungry by den!  I fink mor stuff happinned layter cuz da 2 legged brudder came to hewp owr dad an' mom get da car an' den dey wuz gon agan fer a long time.  Better ask her fer da rest.  Dey commed home reeeellly draggin'.  Dey don't hab da zip dat us doggies hav.  Ya no?
Hey, I fink she gotted us buwwy stiks - I'll tell ya layter.
ARfur