A speshul Noo Yeer to Awl

I am shur yu fot I wuz gon agan, but fings hab bin bizzy an' a widdwe stranje heer.  But I cud not let da yeer end wifowt wishin' awl my frendz an' reeders  a berry Happy Noo Yeer.  We habbed a speshul holly day seezun dis yeer an it seems dat Mama finely habbed peas in her hart.  We came into Cwissmuss wif no sadness, no dark cwowd, no rezervayshuns.  It wuz trooly a day ov grattytood an' luv.

So heer I am...hi jakkin' my mama's typin' skills but wif very strickt instruckshuns to rite it da way I tole her.  No speww chek.  May yer yeer ahed be fuww ov smilez, warm fuzziez, an' gud fots.  May yer  harts be fuww ov laffter an' joy.  May yu find fayf an' heelin'.  Mos' ov awl, reech owt to sumbuddy wen yu can an' du sumfin' gud.  Mos' speshully dont twip on da dawg!!!  Mama caws Vito da disvizibull dawg  an' wun ov deez dayz it aynt gonna be a happy oak cayshun.  So watch yer step, hewp udders, giv luv an' smilez, an laff.  An I wiww do my pawt to get doze laffs comin' agan.
Happy Noo Yeer Evrybuddy!!!  Now skyooz me cuz I gotta go owt!
Layter,
Arfur

Gettin' Eben

Mama an' Papa wented away an weft us wif da naybors.  Now we habbed a lot ov fun, but we cant tell dem dat. So we bin plannin' how to get eben.  Not a eezy fing wen da slabes ar on top ov fings.  No Fember habs bin a ruff munf so we did not wanna make fings worser.  It bin a yeer since owr cuzzin' an' frend Jess habs weft fer da bridge.  We tawk to her, but da peepulls dont no how so dey iz sad.  So we wated.  An' we wated.  Fanksgibbing came an' der wuz no speshul dinner...Papa an' Mama wented to Gramma's.  Hmmph.  Now, dis weekend, Mama made a turkey.  Yu cud smeww it eberyware.  I fink dey cud smeww it a cuppla towns away.  YUMMMMMM!!!  We cud not wate.  Mama choppeded an' peewed an' sturred an' simmered an' da howse wuz jus' unBAREable cuz it smewwed so gud.  Den it wuz owr dinner time - oboyoboyoboyoboy!!  Mama coms owt wif da dishes an' whut iz innit?  Owr kibble an' a widdle pees ov turkey libber.  Dats it.  No turkey, no stuffin', no taters.  We eeted owr dinner an' figgered Papa wud gib us stuffs at da table.  I sat by Mama az she cut up taters.  I wined an' cried but no deel.  Den dey satted down to eet an' letted us in da room an gess whut...nuffin'.  My tummy wuz sooooo wantin' sum turkey dinner. Awl we manidjed to get wuz a pees ov sweet tater..bedder dan nuffin' but not gud enuff!!  Okay.  After dinner, Mama habbed lots to cleen up.  She putted away awl da stuffs sept da turkey cuz she cud not cut it up yet...too hot.   Ooooooooooooooooooh.  She an' Papa wuz watchin' tv an da hole time I lade by da gate an' wined.......an' moaned.  My noze wud not fit under da gate but I twied.  Wen I stud up an wooked ober da gate...der wuz da turkey!!  Soooo close!!  O dat smeww!!  I cud taste it from far away.  Mama kep sayin' kwit cryin' Arfur but I cud not hewp myself.  Nuffin'  on dis erf smewws wike a yummy turkey...well, sept my Mama after she cukked it an' sliceded it - den SHE smewws wike turkey.  But I cant eet her - I wanna eet turkey!!  I fink I set a rekkerd fer winin'.  Howrs an' howrs went past until finely Mama cud not stand it enny mor.  She wented owt, cut it up, put in pwastic bags an' in da fridgerator.  GONE!!  It's GONE!!  I wanted it so bad.  But, az it turneded owt, not jus' me.  We habbed a viziter wast nite.  An' Mama sez whut iz da matter wif us - huntin' dawgs an' we dont make a peep.  Da bran noo garbidje can wuz on da grownd an' da bags wuz awl ober da yard - he did not open most ov dem cuzza da monya Mama puts in dem.  But whut a mess!!!  Den he bented da shepperds huks, emtied awl da pekker feeders ov fat - wifowt eben hurtin' dem - jus' popped em' open an' eeted.  But he did mash Mama's fayvorit feeder cuz she forgotted to bring it in cuz she wuz bizzy wif da turkey.   Papa sed he musta com cuzza da smeww ov da turkey.  I reelly fink he wuz rite abowt dat cuz my tummy still iz aykin' fer sum turkey.  Mebbee tonite.  Vito da in vizzibull dog cud twip her an' den we cud get sum.   Pweez!

Fawl iz heer

Fawl iz heer an' Vito an' me luv leef hoppin' an' collecktin' nuts ov evry kind.  Vito bin puttin' dem under my bed!  But werse dan dat, he steeled my bed dat Antie Anjellyka made dat he nebber eben looked at till now.  Den I have to go chooz frum wun ov da udder beds.  How menny yu ask?  Der be free in da bedroom wif Mama an' Papa plus da big bed ware dey sleep.  But I wikes MY bed!  Vito takes it, den wen I go to sleep, he moovs into da big bed wif da peepulls.  I only get it bak if I happin to wake up  durin' da nite witch duz not happin a wot.

Mama an' Papa bin at da traktor show so we bin alone cuz we cant go wif dem unless Mama takes her car an' dey onwy had da truk to pull Big Red.   So to treet us dis mornin', Mama made panny cakes an' snausadjes.  Now, no buddy shared dere snausadje wif us, but we always get panny cakes.  YUM!  Whelp, Papa gotted up to get sumfin' an' I sneekeded up to steel frum hiz plate.  No buddy wuz eben LOOKIN' at me but day bofe sed "Arfur!!  Get DOWN!!"  Mama sez I get twipped up by da "Arfur warnin' sistem", cuz ebery time, no madder how hard I try not to, ebery singull time I stand up on my bak wegs to steel, my hiney toots!  Iz dere a way to stop dis??  Ennybuddy?  It makes me get cawt ebery time!

 Whelp, owt to play leef hoppers wif Vito!  Whut a gwate day!
You gotsta heer da story nex' time ov da stwange nite smeww...BWAHAHAHAHA!!
Later,
Arfur

Playin' ketchup

So much habs bin goin' on dat I wish i habbed widdler paws so I cud type.  Mama iz gonna install Draggin so mebbe I cud teww da 'puter whut to rite - but wiww it under stand bassetese?  Ennywayz, I did not get much sweep wast nite.  Furst, Mama coffed an' coffed fer a wile, den dere wuz a noyzy vee hikkle goin' up an' down da street.  Now, furst, Mama wuz gonna caww da poleesmens cuz it wuz abowt middlenite.  Den she fot ov sendin' in da troops!  Yep, me an Vito ar da troops an' we wud woof at dat raskle until he went away.  HOWEBBER, Vito wuz so sownd asweep dat Mama cud not wake him...NOT ME!  I wuz awake, just restin' my ize.  Mama onwy fot I wuz sweepin' too. Ennywayz da nasty pawson finely must gotted tired ov bein' a pest an' went home.
Mama gotted up at nite an' fownd part ov Vito's noo colleckshun.  Dis time it iz not stinkybugs, not woolly bares, not stiks, nope none ov doze fings.  Dey iz hikkery nuts.  He  musta dropped wun on da steps an Mama gots a nasty brooz, too.  But dats ok, she iz fine now.  Ooops gotta go papa;s home!  Wooof!
later,
Arfur

Rodes, cars, 'n' basset wuvvers

AAAaaahhhhroooo!!  Arfur here wif wots ov nooz.  O, wook!  Dey iz payntin' da linez on owr rode!  Dey jus' finnished da middle an' dere ar zillyuns ov widdle cones along da line. Nex' dey wiww paynt da lines onda edjiz ober da weeds an' ded possums an' stuff...wike normal.  I wunder if dey wiww wemember to com bak fer da widdle cones?  Wast time, dey wuz in such a hurry to get to da wocal pub dat dey fergotted dem an' dey wuz in da rode fer free dayz - wun, too, free.  I gess after dwinkin' at da pub dey did not wemember dat dey weft dem dere.  BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

O now I wemember whut I wuz gonna rite - got d'strackteded by da line payntin' menz.  Furst, I gotta teww yu whut Mama's car wooks wike.  It iz owd, (Vito sez o-l-d) wite, an' cuvvered wif basset magnets - sum reelly gud wuns!  She eben haz sum dat arn't on it yet.  Not da car yer normul peepull wud dwive.  A cuppla dayz ago, a man  at da gas stayshun Mama goze to, jumpeded into a wady's car, puwwed a nife, an' sed he wud kiww her if she did not take him ware he wanted to go.  I hav to beweev it wuz a gway toy yoda or sumfin' wike dat whut wud bwend in.  Da lady skweemed weelly weelly lowd an' da man jumpeded owt an' ran but gotted cawt.  Der iz no chance dat ennybuddy wud take Mama's car wike dat.  Furst ov awl it iz abowt az vizibull az a pig in a pizza parler.  Secund, Mama iz daynjeruss!!  Reelly, she iz!  I wud not want to tangull wif her cuz furst she wud hurt him, den she wud skweem, den she wud cawl wun ov her fwendz on da poleesse to put him in jayl.  But furst ov awl, no way wud he chooz her car.  Reelly.

An' gess whut my wakky mama did?  She an' Papa wer dwivin' neer PetsMart wun nite an Papa spotted a man wif 2 basset hounds.  He turned into da parkin' wot (so Mama cud see da bassets), drove up to da man so he habbed him in hiz hed wites, den Mama jumpeded owt an' ran up to see dem.  Da man sorta bakked up a widdle an' cleerly wundered ware dis cwazy womin camed frum.  Mama tode him she wuvs bassets an' habs 2 an' habs hewped reskew fer firteen yeerz.  He wooked reweeved an' tole her he wuz from Florry Duh an' dat wun ov da bassies wuz a reskew.  I fink he wuz reddy to run, reelly.  I awso fink he wuz toe tully releeved wen Mama gotted bak in da truk.  He den twied to hurry to da dore ov da PetsMart az fast az he cud wif wun basset doin' a fwat basset an' wun pullin' da udder way.  Hehehe..did not get too far.  Dat wuz wun seeryuss fwat basset!  Hahahaha!
Till nex' time
Arfur

Y Mama shud take us shoppin'

Mama wuz runnin' awownd wookin' fer sumfin' in a bunch ov stors da udder day.  She almos' awwayz coms home wownd up wike a - hmmm....dont no whut - enny wayz awl nerbuss.  Furst ov awl she hates shoppin', secund it mostwy izn't fer her.  But dis time she bwoke her own rool an' went in a stor she nebber goze to.  Shudda taked us to bwake da ice.  She wuz wookin' in da kitchin suppwize fer a meat rak  (sumfin' she sez must be egg stinks).  Dis wady coms by awl dwessed in fansy pants wif a zillyun doller stroler wif a baby in a owtfit dat costed mor dan Mama's car an' she wuz winin' to da clerk dat she cud not find - get dis - fyool fer a spensive match dat lites uh, lets see, fuds on fyre.  Now furst ov awl - hu wud lite fud on fyre to eet it??  Be sides da poynt - ennyway Mama sed her noze wuz stuk to her eye bwowz!  Mama sed she eben wuz shur her poopies did not smeww (she werded it sum udder way).  Da pore lady frum da store sed dey did not seww ennyfing wike dat dere (eben doe der iz a Star Bucks coffee pwace in dat store!).  Da lady wawked owt acktin' wike ebry buddy dere habbed coodies.   Now, if Mama habbed us wif her, we wudda woosened her up wif a widdle warm drool an' kisseded her baby an' ebryfing an' den mebbee she wud hab bin fwendwier, ya fink?  An' we wudda made shur her wud smeww bedder, too...mor wike Mama  ;)
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  Onwy wun fing rong...dat stor dont wet doggies innit.  Its not cwassy wike PetsMart or da feed stor.  Yu meet a bedder cwass ov peepullz in doze stors, rite?

Arfur

Sum fings puzzel me

Mama commed home a widdle wile ago an' she habbed me puzzled.

She wuz goin on an' on abowt sum clown dwivin' a peese ov cwap down da rode an' ya no whut?  He went to da Dizneywand skool ov drivin'!

How kool iz dat?   But I did not fink it wuz time fer twik or tweet yet.  An we iz not neer a sircuss.  He habbed to go reelly far away lern to dwive, didn't he? Don't fink dere iz no Dizneywand awownd heer.  I fot it sownded so neet, but wy wuz Mama so mad?  Her eerz wuz steemin' an' her eyzes wuz red an' she sat down rite away and petted us sort ov fast.  Mebbee hims big feet got in da way an' made him dwive bad.  Or mebbee he wuz jus' bein' funny - wike a clown! I hope I get to see a clown dwivin' sum day.  An mebbee he wiww hav seventeen billyun frends in da car wif him!  Whut fun!

Bakin' my cold bones in da sunshine,
Arfur