Whut iz up?

Kant figger owt whut iz goin on wif Mama an' shurts.  She gots lots ov basset shurts frum reskyews awl ober da USA.  But dis last wun luks wike a Jinormuss Basset Fayse.  Its got big peepers an a hyoodje noze - eben bigger dan mine (an' I gots a big ol' noze!)  She goze in da store an' a man sez dat shurt makes him wanna feed dat doggy.  Den she goze to a park wif it an' a man sez it makes him wanna pet da doggy.  Now, dont teww Mama, but she iz not a liddle pawson an' her, um, shape makes dat doggy's eyez, um, stand owt, if yu get my dwift.  She sez she wants to get a big ol sine to ware dat sez DO NOT PET DA DOG, YOU HOWNDDOG!  HANZ OFF!  But wiww she stop warin' it?  NO WAY!  She luvs dat shurt - da pitcher, da culler, an' it sez ABC Basset Reskew on it, too!  She finks it makes her seem - no - makes her FEEL liddler.  Mebbee sheez a widdle nuts but sheez my mama an' I luv her ennyway.
Now I gotta go twy an nudder bole ov a noo food sheez tryin' Castor oil an' Smallpox Sammin, I fink it iz.
Layter,
Arfur