Itz not eezy beein' gween

Gud mornin'!  AAARRROOOOOO!!! We bin hewpin' Papa in da bak yard. We habbed twubble wif da doggy dore so he bilt us a step. We wuz wippin up hiz gwass seeds, so he putted a widdwe bwidj fer us to cwoss it (we don't uze it). He wuz wettin down da sand on da stone fer sum weezin, so wee peed on dem. He sed fank yu fer yer hewp. But wast nite we wuz such gud hewps dat he gotted reel upset an' putted us in da howse. I fink we wuz makin' him wook bad. He sed to Mama - "Wook at deez dogs!!! Wy do dey hav to get rite in da way? Arfur habs gween eerz, tale, footies, an' snooter!" Vito - well yu can't teww cuz he iz bwown. I, Arfur, habs a lase eer wike awl da ladies luv. But it iz gween.

Papa sed to Mama to wash it off. She sed no, she habbed jus' mowed da hole lawn (2 1/2 akers ov gwass) an' wuz wiped owt. She sed it wiww com off eezier wen dwy. She sownded eebil wen she sed dat. "Arfur habs a date wif a stwipper" she sed. Uh, I dont fink she meened a wady on a pole. I iz nerbuss. Dis iz not gonna be fun. Hay! We did not see wet paynt! We seed Papa bwushin' da step an' da howse. An' supwize supwize - we iz NOZY! Dat iz whut we do. Scyooz me now cuz I gots to find sumpwayse to way woe so mebbee she fergets abowt it.
Soon-
Arfur