Da Turd Hokky Song (I Make da Pucks)

I fot I wud share wun ov my speshul songs wif yu bowt hokky:

I wike da snowy wevver
Wif ice 'n' snow on da grownd.
Cuz den da turds turn to pucks so much bedder
I wike hokky, I lerned it in da pownd.

I make da puks dat score da winnin' gole
Dey fling so eezily rite fru dat hole
Between da udder team dat clozed dere eyz,
I pass da puck dat scores da gole.

I gots a teem ov winners
Dey weelly know how to score.
An wen we play so perfeckwy togevver
We ar perfeck an' da crowd begs for mor.

I make da pucks dat score da winning gole
Dey fling so eezily rite fru dat hole
Between da udder team dat clozed dere eyz,
I pass da puck dat scores da gole.

Oh a gud pway makes m' chant,
It makes 'em stand up an cwap dere handz
'N we shoot sum stinky wuns so da-ey can boo-oo, 
Hocky fills yer sole
Makes ya werk to score a gole-
Its frum me shot to yu
Back to him back to me
One gud slap shot an' we'er home fwee!!

I make da pucks dat score da winning gole
Dey fling so eezily wite fru dat hole
Between da udder team dat clozed dere eyz,
I pass da puck dat scores da gole

I wuv hokey an' I scored da GOLE!!

(tune - I rite da songs)

Turd hokky seezun

       BRRRRRRRRRRR!!!  We hab not had dis fwigid a winter sinse I wuz a pup.  It haz bin dat long sinse we played turd hokkey.  Whelp, we reelly cant play now eeder cuz owr pawsies ar freezin' to da grownd an' da puks ar stuk in da ice.  An' wen we make noo wuns, dey fweez rite into da ice too deep to get.  An' pore Vito pwaktikally fweezes to da grownd wen he peez cuz he takes too long!  I hab lurned to moov wen I pee so I don't stik.  We bin spendin' a hole lot ov time nappin' too!

        My toofies ar awl heeled now an' I kin eet ennyfing, but I shur wiww miss dat yummy sof'f food. Mama haz sed she wiww mix it wif owr normul foods fer a wile.  I gotted reelly fin an' Papa sed my ribbies ar showin' too much, so I am gettin' mor.  Vito, he porks up if he gets wun extra biskit, but I run dem off so I gets mor dan wun.  We habbed wots ov snow an' gess whut...it iz snowin' agan :(.  I don't mind it, but Vito habs to follow my paff.  Now I wantsta get bak to the nice warm fire in da widdle medal cabbynet dat Mama puts wud in.  I hope awl my frenz keep warm too.  Mama iz  feelin' sad dat her hi skool teecher jus' went to da bridje cuz he wuz speshul an' tawt syense an' futball.  Hiz name wuz Big D an' Mama sed dat iz wun big pare ov wings he'll be gettin', cuz he lef sum pritty big futpwints heer on Erf.

Keep warm!
Arfur

Time warp

Ebber sinse da day Mama taked me to da Vetman, sumfin' odd haz happinned.  It haz Mama rippin' her hares owt an' Papa wawkin' arownd wike a wobut.  I am bak on Dawite sayvins Time.  Not jus' fer meels - no, dat wuz da furst fing.  I wake dem up wun howr before da noyze fing goze off.  Ackshully, I dont fink dey hav hurd da alarm fingy for ober a week.

Dis is how it werks:  I wawk ober to Mama's side ov da bed, stand up and furst I fump my tale aganst da wall.  Den, I soffly wine.  Jus' a liddle so it duz not reelly wake her up.  Den...WHAM!!  I butt her in da bak ov da hed wif my noze. DAT iz whut gets her to say..."go bak to sweep Arfur, it iz not time to get up yet".  I wet her doze off a widdle - she snuggles bak in and den...WHAM!!!  I butt her agan.  Dis time she wets me get up on da bed an' snuggle a minnit but I do not seddle down, nope I do not.  I keep wigglin' an turnin' an' winin' soffly an' den I butt her jus' a widdle to let me down agan.  OK, dis iz da impawtant part.  I run downstares an' get my hedjyhog so she finks I am gonna be kwiet. I bwing it up nex' to da bed an' den.......

WOOF!  WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!  WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!  WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!  WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!  WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!

An' DAT duz it!

Tll nex time,
Arfur

My fase

See my swewwed cheek?  Dat iz befor  da Vet fixeded me.

I no, it iz a hansum fase, but if yu wook close yu can see da bump.

Gud nooz

At wast my mowf iz tawkin' agan.  Wun mor time I habbed a fing growing in my mowf.  I awso habbed sum toofies dat hurted.  Mama an' Papa seed dat I habbed red drool sum days an' cuz I choo stiks, dey fot I cut myself.  Nope.  Papa fownd da noo fingy in my mowf and off dey taked me to da vet.  Mama habbed to dwag me down da side wawk to da vets dore.  Den, I wud not go inside.  Gess hu wun?  Not me.  Wen I waked up later on, Mama wuz dere to get me. She sed my eyez wooked weerd.  Enny how, I heered her teww Papa dat I habbed fore toofies pulled owt an' da nasty fingy taked owt agan.  I hope it dont com bak agan.  Dere iz a reely gud fing abowt awl dis...da fuds!  I cannot hab kibbles, witch I luvs.  But I CAN hab yummy soft fud dat iz deelishuss!  Mama hides my piwws in it, but I dont care.  It taystes reelly gud.  Den, Mama an' Papa wented owt to eet fer a fwends burfday an dey brot bak STAKE!!  It wuz soooo yummy!!  So eben if my mowf hurts a widdle, dere iz a wot ov gud fings to make me feel bedder.  Plus, I gets extra snuggles an' luvvies too.  So dis iz da return ov da beww hownd!  Mr. Mowf.  Mr. Big Mowf.  Dat lowd dawg.  Me.  Arfur.   BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  Life iz GUD!!

A speshul Noo Yeer to Awl

I am shur yu fot I wuz gon agan, but fings hab bin bizzy an' a widdwe stranje heer.  But I cud not let da yeer end wifowt wishin' awl my frendz an' reeders  a berry Happy Noo Yeer.  We habbed a speshul holly day seezun dis yeer an it seems dat Mama finely habbed peas in her hart.  We came into Cwissmuss wif no sadness, no dark cwowd, no rezervayshuns.  It wuz trooly a day ov grattytood an' luv.

So heer I am...hi jakkin' my mama's typin' skills but wif very strickt instruckshuns to rite it da way I tole her.  No speww chek.  May yer yeer ahed be fuww ov smilez, warm fuzziez, an' gud fots.  May yer  harts be fuww ov laffter an' joy.  May yu find fayf an' heelin'.  Mos' ov awl, reech owt to sumbuddy wen yu can an' du sumfin' gud.  Mos' speshully dont twip on da dawg!!!  Mama caws Vito da disvizibull dawg  an' wun ov deez dayz it aynt gonna be a happy oak cayshun.  So watch yer step, hewp udders, giv luv an' smilez, an laff.  An I wiww do my pawt to get doze laffs comin' agan.
Happy Noo Yeer Evrybuddy!!!  Now skyooz me cuz I gotta go owt!
Layter,
Arfur

Gettin' Eben

Mama an' Papa wented away an weft us wif da naybors.  Now we habbed a lot ov fun, but we cant tell dem dat. So we bin plannin' how to get eben.  Not a eezy fing wen da slabes ar on top ov fings.  No Fember habs bin a ruff munf so we did not wanna make fings worser.  It bin a yeer since owr cuzzin' an' frend Jess habs weft fer da bridge.  We tawk to her, but da peepulls dont no how so dey iz sad.  So we wated.  An' we wated.  Fanksgibbing came an' der wuz no speshul dinner...Papa an' Mama wented to Gramma's.  Hmmph.  Now, dis weekend, Mama made a turkey.  Yu cud smeww it eberyware.  I fink dey cud smeww it a cuppla towns away.  YUMMMMMM!!!  We cud not wate.  Mama choppeded an' peewed an' sturred an' simmered an' da howse wuz jus' unBAREable cuz it smewwed so gud.  Den it wuz owr dinner time - oboyoboyoboyoboy!!  Mama coms owt wif da dishes an' whut iz innit?  Owr kibble an' a widdle pees ov turkey libber.  Dats it.  No turkey, no stuffin', no taters.  We eeted owr dinner an' figgered Papa wud gib us stuffs at da table.  I sat by Mama az she cut up taters.  I wined an' cried but no deel.  Den dey satted down to eet an' letted us in da room an gess whut...nuffin'.  My tummy wuz sooooo wantin' sum turkey dinner. Awl we manidjed to get wuz a pees ov sweet tater..bedder dan nuffin' but not gud enuff!!  Okay.  After dinner, Mama habbed lots to cleen up.  She putted away awl da stuffs sept da turkey cuz she cud not cut it up yet...too hot.   Ooooooooooooooooooh.  She an' Papa wuz watchin' tv an da hole time I lade by da gate an' wined.......an' moaned.  My noze wud not fit under da gate but I twied.  Wen I stud up an wooked ober da gate...der wuz da turkey!!  Soooo close!!  O dat smeww!!  I cud taste it from far away.  Mama kep sayin' kwit cryin' Arfur but I cud not hewp myself.  Nuffin'  on dis erf smewws wike a yummy turkey...well, sept my Mama after she cukked it an' sliceded it - den SHE smewws wike turkey.  But I cant eet her - I wanna eet turkey!!  I fink I set a rekkerd fer winin'.  Howrs an' howrs went past until finely Mama cud not stand it enny mor.  She wented owt, cut it up, put in pwastic bags an' in da fridgerator.  GONE!!  It's GONE!!  I wanted it so bad.  But, az it turneded owt, not jus' me.  We habbed a viziter wast nite.  An' Mama sez whut iz da matter wif us - huntin' dawgs an' we dont make a peep.  Da bran noo garbidje can wuz on da grownd an' da bags wuz awl ober da yard - he did not open most ov dem cuzza da monya Mama puts in dem.  But whut a mess!!!  Den he bented da shepperds huks, emtied awl da pekker feeders ov fat - wifowt eben hurtin' dem - jus' popped em' open an' eeted.  But he did mash Mama's fayvorit feeder cuz she forgotted to bring it in cuz she wuz bizzy wif da turkey.   Papa sed he musta com cuzza da smeww ov da turkey.  I reelly fink he wuz rite abowt dat cuz my tummy still iz aykin' fer sum turkey.  Mebbee tonite.  Vito da in vizzibull dog cud twip her an' den we cud get sum.   Pweez!