Arfur in da kom bat zone

I not shur whut iz goin' on but doze tweez iz frowin' fings at Vito 'n' me! Evwy time I go owt to do my bizness, I gets hitted by hard widdwe bawws!! Vito duz not want to go owt dere. Mama wuz mad cuz he peed inna howse, but I am shur he gotted hit in da hed an' gave up goin' owt dat dore! Awso, da gwass iz fuww ov deze widdwe fings. Vito finks dey ar to pway wif. I say NO! It iz ammo fer da treez! Dey hurts! How ebber, we hav fownd a way to uze dem. We put dem on da flore in side an' we made Mama twip free times! We shur gets her attenshun! BWAHAHAHA!! We iz lukky da bwellas to da piknik tabels is stiww up cuz we kan wawk awl ober da patty o wifowt gettin' hit.  Meenwile its rainin' bawws...ware iz my hard hat?? Or a bwewwa.  Pwitty soon we wiww need boots to pwotekt owr feets too! How ar we spozed to chase doze dum chickmunkies if da pwase iz cuvvered wif bawws?
OWCH!! Dat wuz a BIGGER wun - and harder!! Grrrrrr....wate till I find Papa's buzzy twee cutter! Dey wiww be sowwy!! An we wiww hav mor wud fer da stove to keep us tostie! If onwy I had fums.

Mama iz MAD

It bin a wile dat I rote ennyfing. Bin sorta borin' fer doggies wif da heet an' awl. It stoppid raynin' so Mama started da gwill! YUM! Wile she wuz gettin' fings reddy, I hadda potty, so I went an' wen I fot she wuz not seein' me, I turnid awownd to tayst sum. Drat! She wuz lookin' an' ran to get dat skooper. She pikked dat up, den went bak to gwillin'. Me? I went a widdle away frum dere an' went agan. She seed me an' pwaktickally cawt it. Dat womin! So, she dis pozed ov da poops an' a cuppla mushywooms, den wawked bak to da gwill. Her job wuz dun..............NOT!!!! BWAHAHAHA!! She steppid up to da gwill an' sed, "Whut iz DAT??!!" Den she lookid down an' seed I weft an nudder BIG wun rite in frunt ov da gwill on da patty o. An' it habbed her footy pwint in it. Her BIG footy pwint. Weww, I dont no fer shur if I kin teww yu whut she cawwed me, but da naybers herd it, so I'll tell ya. She cawwed me a Poopyhed! Yu bad ol' poopyhed she sed. {chukkle}{choke} Uh, skyooz me, I am uh twyin' to not laff. I am bak in my bed now an' she habs to gwill. She bin runnin' da hoze twyin' to wash it away - hehehehe- its reely stikkin' tho. I'm a baaaaad boooy! HAHAHA! An' I not bord enny mor!

Da yeerly basset piknik

Ebry yeer we hab a big piknik on da day we wemembew da soljers dat died. Speshully cuz da slaves noo peepulls dat died an' dere famlies wuz in da wars. But reely speshully cuz dey luv bassets, basset peepulls, fwends, an' gud fuds. (At leest Vito 'n' me wike da gud fuds hehehe).

Dis yeer we habbed five ov us bassets - Dexter, hu can't see, but has a gwate sniffer; Horton, hu iz a widdwe shy; Cleo, hu rools wif a iwon paw; Vito, an' me. We gots lots an' lots of pets, snakkies, an' snooter kisses frum da peepulls. Eben Horton, hu wud uzhually stay by his mama.

It wuz code an' rayny. So Papa lit up da chimminee up an' da wood stove to keep da code away.
We eben habbed myoozik. Unka Jim bwot a gittar an' he pwayed an' sang songs to us.

I did not get fru da day wifowt gettin' in twubble. Dere wuz so much fuds on da taybul an' no buddy wuz by it. Get da pitcher?

Me chekkin' owt da taybul

I gots a pees ov cwakker, a cuppla liks ov cabbidj, sum hammy burger, an almos' got sum froot salad, sum roles, an' a fyoo udder fings neer da edj. I ayn't tewwin' no buddy whut else cuz den dey wud get madder. I did get putted in jale fer a wile. But I iz too cyoot to stay dere an' dey letted me owt to get pets an' luvved on agan. I can not wate untiw we do dis agan. I jus' luv pikniks.
 

Da chikken torcher

Mama putted chikken on da owt dore cukker. It wuz smewwin' soooo gud! Vito 'n' me wuz sneekin' up on dat an' gotted cawt by Mama. I wetweeted to da middul ov da yawd ware I wuz plottin' to ambush da cukker. Dis wuz me plannin':

Den she lokked us in da howse. :(

Too sad to keep ritin'.
Arfur

Wawkin' in da wain - I iz singin' agan

Jus' wawkin' in da wain,
Gettin' weelly wet,
Twakkin' in da mud
She didn't katch me yet!

Jus' wawkin' in da wain,
Stompin'  in da goo
Lookin' fer my hedgie
Da wun dat's bwandy new.

Wook owt heer she coms,
Drippin', chasin' me
Oops I fink she feww
In da puddwe dat I see.

Jus' wawkin' in da wain,
Stayin' owt of wreech,
Until sheez nise an' calm
An' I dont heer her skweech.

Jus' wawkin' in da wain,
Muddy eerz an' paws,
Twak akwoss da flore,
Sheez not chasin' ennymore.

Itz not eezy beein' gween

Gud mornin'!  AAARRROOOOOO!!! We bin hewpin' Papa in da bak yard. We habbed twubble wif da doggy dore so he bilt us a step. We wuz wippin up hiz gwass seeds, so he putted a widdwe bwidj fer us to cwoss it (we don't uze it). He wuz wettin down da sand on da stone fer sum weezin, so wee peed on dem. He sed fank yu fer yer hewp. But wast nite we wuz such gud hewps dat he gotted reel upset an' putted us in da howse. I fink we wuz makin' him wook bad. He sed to Mama - "Wook at deez dogs!!! Wy do dey hav to get rite in da way? Arfur habs gween eerz, tale, footies, an' snooter!" Vito - well yu can't teww cuz he iz bwown. I, Arfur, habs a lase eer wike awl da ladies luv. But it iz gween.

Papa sed to Mama to wash it off. She sed no, she habbed jus' mowed da hole lawn (2 1/2 akers ov gwass) an' wuz wiped owt. She sed it wiww com off eezier wen dwy. She sownded eebil wen she sed dat. "Arfur habs a date wif a stwipper" she sed. Uh, I dont fink she meened a wady on a pole. I iz nerbuss. Dis iz not gonna be fun. Hay! We did not see wet paynt! We seed Papa bwushin' da step an' da howse. An' supwize supwize - we iz NOZY! Dat iz whut we do. Scyooz me now cuz I gots to find sumpwayse to way woe so mebbee she fergets abowt it.
Soon-
Arfur

Hijinks

Da udder day, Mama n' Papa taked Gramma owt to eet. Gramma kin nebber eet awl her fuds so Papa finishes it an' den bwings home hiz fuds. Dis time wuz speshully gud. It wuz da yummiest stake we ebber eeted. YUM!!

 Fast frowerd to wast nite. A storm wuz commin'. I wuz sownd asweep. Vito awlways pwetens he is not afwade. But he wuz. He waked Mama up at free o kwok. He cwied an' cwied, den ran owtside befor it rayned. Den he commed back an' got in bed wif Mama an' Papa. Mama herd him coff a cupple times an get off an' on da bed, but he seemed ok, so after he did it the wast time, she feww asweep. Da alarm waked us awl up an' Papa gotted owt ov bed an' stepped into da hawl.  EEEEEWWWWW!!! He sed. In hiz bare feets he stept inna hyoodj pile of grass fro up. Wooked wike Vito cutted da grasses fer Mama. Awl ov dem. Papa kwik ran an' gotted ina shower cuz he fewt icky after dat. Meenwile Mama iz left to cween it awl up. Natchurly! Izn't dat whut Mama's do?