Egg skyooses, egg skyooses

I hab bin away fer a mumf fer wun reezin an wun reezin only.  My sekwitterry habs bin bad.  Furst, she an' da manslave wuz sick.  Ok, I get it.  Den, day started pakkin' shurts an' shorts an' unders in deez big bags wif weels on dem.  An suddinly, we only gots owr Antie Torrie feedin' us an skritchin' us cuz Mama an' Papa wuz GONE!  Den a nickzillyun dayz lader dey iz heer an' tellin' us abowt ally gaytors an' manny teez an' flyin' way up in da clowds to a playse dey cawled Florry duh!  Dont unnerstan' wy dey sed duh awl da time after Florry - like we don't get it or sumfin'!  Wen dey opinned doze big bags wif weels, we cud smeww Antie Seel an' Unka Andy!  So dat iz ware dey goed!  It wuz shur gud to hab dem home agan, but den dey gotted sick - yukky kinda sick!  An' den dere wuz da holly day wen da bayby Jesus wuz borned. So, heer we ar, at da end ov da yeer an' I am not aybul to ketch up, so heer iz whut I wanna say:

Dad's noo shurt

Hab a reelly reelly Happy Noo Yeer to awl my frenz an' reeders.  May dis noo yeer be way bedder dan dis past yeer...full ov luv an' frendship, helff an' happiness, joy an' smilez.  Dont make stoopid rezoelooshuns.  Jus' liv eech day da bestest yu can.  An' if yu can, do sumfin' fer sumbuddy else eech day.  Dat wiww make dis wurld a bedder playse.  Take Arfur's werd fer it.  Happy Noo Yeer Evrybuddy!!