My dad da hewo

Dad wuz eetin' hiz bwekfast  befor leevin' fer werk, wen Mama sez "Did yu heer dat?" but in her own werds. We cud heer a funka funka fump klitter klatter kwash in da seeling over owr TV in da udder room. Dad went n' gotted a wadder an' climed up, opened da seeling (big skware tiles) an' fownded a mowsie wif hiz tale cawt in a twap. Dad gotted him owt, ran owt da dore, an' putted da unhurt mowsie waaaay down da hill away frum da howse. Dad haz made wun mowsie a vewy lukky happy kweecher.
 Unwike Mama, hu cawted 4 mowsies in her twaps in da kitchin an onwy wun ov dem gotted let go - da udders were ded. Da wun she wet go she dwopped owtside the dore an' gess whut? It ran rite bak into da howse I'm pwitty shure. It's gettin' pwitty bad cuz da Pippicat iz gettin' too old to keep da howse mowsie fwee enny mor. Owr howse iz weelly weelly old an' habs a stone seller so mowsies get in eezy. Dey iz sorta cute, but Mama sez dey iz icky. Fer today, owr Dad iz a hewo - at weest to da mowsies.

Too much! A nudder neer dizzyaster

Arfur heer shakin' my eers an' skwatchin my hed. Peepul do da weerdest fings. Speshully a sertan wun hu wiww be annosymowse.  It wuz a Sunday an' rainy so Vito n' me wuz nappin'. I shud note dat I am deff an' cannot heer awlmose ennyfing. It wuz sooo kwyet an' so welaxin'. Mama wuz reedin' her book so nuffin' wuz movin'. Awl ov a sudden - BOOM!!! Vito jumpeded up an' woofed, Mama jumpeded up an ran for da dore. Vito sed she wuz cawlin' Papa. She came bak sorta puzzled - no ladder on da grownd, no sine of dizzyaster. Den a sertan sumwun came in da dore. Dey wuz holdin' whut wuz weft ov a can ov spway paynt. Dere hand wuz BWACK, as wuz dere EER. No sine ov ennyfing ewse. No bwud. No payne. Not eben ennyfing on da jakket. Whut a puzzul!! So Vito 'n' me we stood owtside da gate an eevesdwopped. Seems dat dis sertan sumwun putted a cowd can ov spway paynt on da woodstove (da only kind ov heet in da barn) to faw it owt. Unforchunit fer him, he gotted distwackted. (NOT unyuzhual fer him, er - dem). Fergotted da can. Weft it too wong. Pikked it up an' *BOOM*!!!!! A big Xpwo - How do I rite dis? Bwow up! Bwast!  Skewwy! Beeyon wukky. Da boom wuz herd on da far side inside da howse. Da howse iz free hundwed feet frum da barn (dat iz about a hundwed bassets wong!) It iz not hard to figger dat dis pawson cud not heer for a wile. Den dere wuz da ass salt on owr nozes! A hole role ov paper towls an' a can ov bwake kween layter, an' da bwak paynt wuz gon. Da smeww wuz not. Vito twied to wawk into da baffroom an' habbed to turn awownd shakin' hiz hed an snortin' hiz noze. WHEW!! Now Mama sez dat wunce mor dis pawson wuz pwoteckted by a vewy powerfuw gardyin ayngel. Whut she duz not weelize iz dat we bassets can see dat ayngel an' he wuz shakin' hiz hed yet agan. But no hurt, no doktor, not eben dirty cwoze. Da ayngel iz da hewo wunse mor.

I gots make up posts dat wuz wrote but not pubwished, but dis wun tops dem awl so it iz furst eben if it happinned wast.
Til nex' time...I be heddin' fer a nap!
Arfur