Shhh...hidin' frum mama

I fot Mama wuz mad at me frum da swiffy caper. Didn't fink she cud get enny madder.  O wuz I rong.  Dis mornin' she an' Papa wuz yakkin' away an' I wuz remindin dem dat it wuz time to eet.  WOOF!  I sed - wanna EET!! Dey jus' kep on tawkin' bowt a Clint whuttebber dat iz an' a ruby - o  an' a rum knee an' den wuz awl chatty bowt a cardnal bird name do - lin (dat dey gotted to meet an' wuz awl chatty den abowt it, too).  I don't care whut dat stuff iz abowt - I WANNA EET!!  An I WANNA EET NOW!   So I went down da stares.  Wen Mama an' Papa camed down, Mama wuz sayin'"hmmm...how did my cloze get on da flore?  Dey  wuz on da hamper! An' HMMM!  Hu taked my skwid (she did not yuze dat werd)!!!  Doggon it Arfur yu iz a bad boy - I meen a BAD BOY!"  An' she pikked up da broked skwid an' gotted reel kwiet.  Skerry kwiet. Den she went in da kitchin an' made coffee, made Papa's fud, pakked hiz lunch - no doggy food. Oh-oh. An' dere wuz no doggy fud until she wuz awl dun.  Oops.  I hidin' now.   She bein' reel nice to Vito.  I fink she gonna GET me, if ya no whut I meen.  Shhh...don' teww her ware I am. Dis mite take a cuppla dayz.  She putted da skwid wif da unders I had yesterday  wif da holes in da middwe. Hey, so she gonna sag on wun side an' be cool on da bottom! I nebber comin' owt...

Arfur

Mama's on da warpaff an' we iz pisst

Mama iz reelly reelly mad rite now cuz wun ov us (I not tellin') peed on her swiffy fingy. Heer iz da story...
Vito an' me go to wots ov trubble to spred owr furs awl ober da howse.  Dat way, peepull kin see dat we liv heer an' ar in charj.  Mama coms along an' swiffies up aw da hare evry day - den Vito an' me gotsta spred owr hares all ober again. Patooey!  We tried to let her see dat we wanted owr hares dere.  But NO, she jus' hazta  swiffy doze up an' fro dem away. So - we peed on da swiffy.  She left it in da baffroom so it wuz on da shiny flore so we fot she wud not get mad.  RONG!  She wuz fyoomin'!   She still gots smokes comin' owta her eerz an' her iballs ar burnin' red an' her vanes ar standin' owt on her nek. Gess we wiww not do dat agan - but den mebee we wiww.  How else ar we gonna get owr messidje akross to her?  Doze ar owr hares. 
Oops gotta go...da cabul man iz up on da pole an' mebbee we cud make him nervuss an' fawl down :)

Later,
Arfur

Sekund, no - thurd puppyhood

Mama bin on da warpaff lately.   Vito iz on hims sekund puppyhood, but me, its gotta be da furd or forf wun.  So far da skore iz two pare ov papa's pants  (dats two buttins ), two pare ov mama's unders, a cupple pee spots, a snark at da Pippicat (cud not ketch her), and best ov awl, a snootful ov nemmies.  Whut's nemmies?  Dey iz widdle red, yeller, gween  rownd fingies dat taste gud an' habs nems on dem.  Sum eben gots peenuts in dem.  Mama duz not gib us nemmies, but I helped myself a cuppla times.  Like today.  Da telly fone rang an' Mama gotted up to fetch it so I jus' tasted a cupple ov her nemmies.  Too bad she only habbed a widdle bit an' she cotted me  afor I cud eet dem awl.

Last nite wuz crooz nite.  An' as uzuall we gotted annownced on da radio az "basset roylty" an' Papa's traktor gotted put in da pwace of honner.  We gotted TONS ov pets  from a nickzillyun peepulls hu fot Vito an' me wuz cyoot.  I wuv crooz nite. I jus' sniff an' sniff an' sniff da sweet smewws all nite ov hammy burgers from da Burger King an' pizza frum da pizza store. I dreem gwate dreems evry crooz nite. An' sumtimes, wunce in a wile, we gets to taste da goodies, too.

Till nex' time...

Arfur

Mama's Herd of Hummers

Lately, Vito an' me bin heerin' a buzzy buzzy sownd in owr eers wen we go owt da doggy dore.  Den we sit an' laff at da Pippicat cuz it iz buzzin rownd her - too!  Mama putted a boddel of red stuffs by da porch an' we heer dis buzzin' awl da time an' da red stuffs jus' disapeerz.    I don't smeww nuffin' an' I don't see nuffin'...jus' da buzzy buzzy itchin' rownd my hed.  Now Mama, she sits dere awl brite eyed watchin' sumfin'.  She stared at da saggy tree fer a loooooong time dis mornin'.  I cud not see nuffin'.  She sed, "Luk, Arf, dere iz a hole herd ov widdle hummers in da tree...awl sittin' on diffrent sticks!"  Well, she did not uze doze werds zackly, but yu get my dwift.  I cud see nuffin'.  I fink she wuz makin' it up!  But shur enuff, in a liddle wile dere wuz a buzzy fing by da boddel drinkin' da red stuffs.  Den an nudder buzzy fing on da udder side drinkin', too.  Awl ov a suddin' it iz a WAR!  We gots buzzy fings chasin' buzzy fings awl ober da place!  
WOW!  Dey iz vishus widdle fings.  I not goin' neer dat boddel - not me!  An' ya no whut?  Not eben da Pippicat bovvers dem cuz dey iz skerry!
Crooz nite tonite!  Yippee!  Tawk to ya tomorrow!

Arfur

Kings - we be kings!

We went to crooz nite last nite.  Mama droved us in owr noo seety belts an' Papa droved da traktor.  Wen we gotted dere, we gotted annownsed by Doc da deejay (an' owr frend) wike he awlways duz, but dis time he sed we wuz royl, er, roya...uh, er...basset kings ov dis crooz nite ebery Wenzday an' dat we habbed arrived.  We gotted wots ov pets an' attenshun, but I jus' cannot stand da smeww ov Burger King RITE DERE!!  It dwives me cwazy!  Wen we gotted home, Pippi weft a widdle pwezent...a mowsie mouf.  Yup, jus' da mowf.  Sheez just jellus cuz she can't go to crooz nite.  BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

till nex' time
Arfur

I iz instulted

Mama set down to uze da puter an' I heered "ARFUR!  GET IN HEER!  Hu spitted awl ober my skreen????  HUH?"

 Now let me teww ya, I did not spit on da puter.  Reelly.  A widdle fly wuz peskin' me wen I rote my blog da udder day an I did shake my hed wunce.  An' mebbee a widdle drool wuz on my flooz, but I did not spit on Mama's puter skreen.  How cud she say dat?  Dat reelly makes me feel instulted, ins..insisted?  insulated?   Waddever.

Whut abowt her laffin' at her fwenz jokes wif coffee in her mowf, huh?  Whut abowt dat?  Whut abowt Vito likkin'...wate.  Lets not go dere.

Ennywayz, enuff until after tonite - CROOZ NITE - YES!!!  An' I wiww hab mor to tell!!

Arfur

2 in wun day - WOW!

Okeydokey.  Mama taked us owt wile she pooperskoopered, den we gotted lokked in.  Vito sez, "BOWT TIME!  Da grasses is tikklin' my wizzer an I HATE dat!  Den she wunders wy we pee on da dek - HMPH!"  Yup, shur enuff, we heer da big bloo monster dat Mama habs traned to eet da grass.  She shur iz brave to ride dat monster!  Ennyway, comin' in da gate, she stopped.  We cud heer her scrapin' da grasses owt from under on da part she cawls da deck.  Den we heer "EEK - whut's dat??"  She came runnin' in an tode us dat wen she scraped da grass owt, dere wuz a furohshus jiant feeld mowse layin' on hiz bak lukkin' up at her.  How skerry!  She wuz not skerred, but came in to tell us whatfer da yellin' so we wud not wurry.  She sed it wuz so big she fot it wuz a chikmunk.  Gess hu wuz owt dere to meet him?  Yup.  Da Pippicat.  Mama did not see her ketch him, but beweev me, she nebber ebber loses.  Her sez,"a rodent a day keeps da vetman away."  EEeeeeeewwwwww.

Funderstwuk

Dat wuz Mama wen we habbed compinny da udder day.  Now ober da yeers, Mama habs bin teechin' me dat peeple ar nice an' will not hurt me.  Sumtymes I beweeved her, sumtymes I did not.  Wen I did not, weww, wets jus' say I wuz not a shiny zample ov basset fwendlyness.  Howebber, Vito haz helped me lurn to relax an' luv to get doze pets!!  Hey, udderwize he hogs dem awl!  Now don' get me rong.  Der ar sum peeplez dat I jus' do not wike.  Peer, uh, peeer....fooey!  Dat is dat.  But lately I eben meeted my mos' terrubble emnemey an' gess whut?  I butted him fer pets.  I leeeened aganst him fer pets - an still he only petted Vito - patooey!   I like goin' to crooze nites, so I shur gonna be frendly to ebrywun!  Still, Mama wuz so empressed.  But hey - dat iz not da story dis time.

 Da fokes wuz habbin' dere fwend Walt to dinner...yummy stake!  After dinner dey wuz tawkin' an' Walt told Papa, "Dat iz da frendlyest dog I hav ebber met.  Wen Papa lukked ober spektin' to see Vito, der I wuz leenin' into Walt an' nudgin' him to keep on strokin'!

Mama sed I iz her Pride an Joy - duz dat meen sheez gonna make me wash da dishez?