Y Mama shud take us shoppin'

Mama wuz runnin' awownd wookin' fer sumfin' in a bunch ov stors da udder day.  She almos' awwayz coms home wownd up wike a - hmmm....dont no whut - enny wayz awl nerbuss.  Furst ov awl she hates shoppin', secund it mostwy izn't fer her.  But dis time she bwoke her own rool an' went in a stor she nebber goze to.  Shudda taked us to bwake da ice.  She wuz wookin' in da kitchin suppwize fer a meat rak  (sumfin' she sez must be egg stinks).  Dis wady coms by awl dwessed in fansy pants wif a zillyun doller stroler wif a baby in a owtfit dat costed mor dan Mama's car an' she wuz winin' to da clerk dat she cud not find - get dis - fyool fer a spensive match dat lites uh, lets see, fuds on fyre.  Now furst ov awl - hu wud lite fud on fyre to eet it??  Be sides da poynt - ennyway Mama sed her noze wuz stuk to her eye bwowz!  Mama sed she eben wuz shur her poopies did not smeww (she werded it sum udder way).  Da pore lady frum da store sed dey did not seww ennyfing wike dat dere (eben doe der iz a Star Bucks coffee pwace in dat store!).  Da lady wawked owt acktin' wike ebry buddy dere habbed coodies.   Now, if Mama habbed us wif her, we wudda woosened her up wif a widdle warm drool an' kisseded her baby an' ebryfing an' den mebbee she wud hab bin fwendwier, ya fink?  An' we wudda made shur her wud smeww bedder, too...mor wike Mama  ;)
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  Onwy wun fing rong...dat stor dont wet doggies innit.  Its not cwassy wike PetsMart or da feed stor.  Yu meet a bedder cwass ov peepullz in doze stors, rite?

Arfur

Sum fings puzzel me

Mama commed home a widdle wile ago an' she habbed me puzzled.

She wuz goin on an' on abowt sum clown dwivin' a peese ov cwap down da rode an' ya no whut?  He went to da Dizneywand skool ov drivin'!

How kool iz dat?   But I did not fink it wuz time fer twik or tweet yet.  An we iz not neer a sircuss.  He habbed to go reelly far away lern to dwive, didn't he? Don't fink dere iz no Dizneywand awownd heer.  I fot it sownded so neet, but wy wuz Mama so mad?  Her eerz wuz steemin' an' her eyzes wuz red an' she sat down rite away and petted us sort ov fast.  Mebbee hims big feet got in da way an' made him dwive bad.  Or mebbee he wuz jus' bein' funny - wike a clown! I hope I get to see a clown dwivin' sum day.  An mebbee he wiww hav seventeen billyun frends in da car wif him!  Whut fun!

Bakin' my cold bones in da sunshine,
Arfur

Whew! Am I lukky!

I skaped a terrubbel fate wast nite but Vito wuz not so lukky.  Furst let me say if yu fink "dat's rude", "he gots no tayst","ewww" - whelp yer rite.  I am a dog.  I tell it wike it iz.

Evry nite, I sleep in  my doggy bed dat wuz made by Antie Angel(I shud stop der dats whut she iz)ika.  It iz so cozy an' I do not get oberheeted.  Now, Vito sweeps in da big bed wif Mama an' Papa.  Sumtimes he sweeps on top ov da cuvvers an' dey spend da hole nite tryin' to pull da cuvvers cuz he hogs dem an' wen he iz asweep he feels wike a hippy pottymuss holdin' down doze blankies.  Udder nites, wike wast nite, he sleeps under da cuvvers.  Sumtimes at da bottom ov da bed owt ov harms way, an' sumtimes he gets rite between Mama an' Papa - a stoopid moov.  Now furst yu gots to heer dat Vito kin sweep fru ennyfing.  He sweeps wike a rok.  Nuffin' wakes him up (speshully Mama or Papa tryin' to get him to moov).

Now I kin say awmost nuffin' wakes Vito.  Da room wuz kwiet an' evrybuddy wuz sownd asweep ('sept me cuz it wuz my watch).  I wuz snuggled in my bed, Papa wuz gentwy snorin', Vito wuz tukked under da cuvvers, an' Mama wuz kwietly sweepin', too.  Suddenwy I heered a widdle "pffffpffuff!"  Nex' fing I new, Vito pops up an' shakes hiz hed ober an' ober.  "Fwapawapawappa!  Fwapawapawappa!" "SNORT!"  Den he turns awownd an' puts hims hed by Papa (he had had hims chin on Mama's butt) an' afore he settled, he shaked hims hed agan.  Wet me tell yu, it made MY eyez wadder an' I hadda burry my noze in da blankies, so it must hav reelly skunked Vito!  Papa an' Mama slep fru da hole fing.  But we iz pritty shur da culprit wuz Mama.  She habbed too much fwax seeds wif bwekfist, den Papa taked her to Bugger King fer lunch an' rooned her conjestchun.  Da result wuz a tocksik clowd ov tewwibull  gas.  Vito iz stoopid if he sweeps under dere agan.  Nex' time it cud be werse...it cud be Papa!!  Whew!!

Later,
Arfur























1

My brudder da br - ,er, I meen my frend

Vito iz a wot ov fings.  He iz a gud resseller, he pways gud tag (cuz he wets me win), he iz a feef cuz I gotsta steel bak awl my toyz, he iz a taddle tale, he iz da yard patrol - duz da perrim-, uh, parim-...no wets see..he wawks da hole fense evry nite an' evry time he goze owt.  He iz a terrubble katch so I awwayz gets xtra tweets (cwazy kid twize too hard an' dey bownse rite owt ov hims mowf).  He habs a big big  reelly BIG woof dat sownz wike it iz frum a gwate dane.  No, I take dat bak - da gwate dane habs a liddler woof dan Vito.  He iz stoopid cuz he goze after dat widdwe wed lite Mama haz, he finks dat fings drop on da flore wen she puts dem in a bag, an' he AWWAYZ fawls fer da fake "I frew yer toy" trik.  But whut iz reelly neet, he iz lernin' to tawk peepull tawk frum me.  I tawk to Mama an' Papa awl da time.  I say fings soft, I have infeckshin - wate - Mama sez dere iz a "l" in dat werd,.,,infweckshlin?  Duz not sownd rite to me.  Enny  wayz, I wuvs to snuggle an' teww my storiez to dem wen dey iz relaxin' or wen dey iz rubbin' mine belly (cuz den I cant shut up hehehe).  Vito haz lerned a widdle bit and he haz dun it diffrent.  He tawks wen he wants sumfin' - a cukkie, a dwink, a toy, a snuggle...da widdwe sneek!  Himz is gettin' priddy gud at it too.  Now Mama sez, insted ov Arfur tawks so cute, she sez, "AWWWWWWWW  wissen to Vito askin fer a cukkie.  He tawks jus' wike Arfur!"  Da widdwe skunk iz waynin' on my pawrade.  He iz steelin' my funder.  He iz gettin MY attenshun!!!  Now I gotsta lern to make werds.  I kin sownd wike a peepull tawkin', but I don't hab werds.  So I gotta lern to make werds an' den I wiww sho dat widdle koppy kat!

Wate!  Its time fer owr ressellin match.  Its my turn to put my chin on YER bak, Vito...no no  - I start dis time.  Aw fooey, I gonna beet yu ennyway so go ahed...

Till nex time
Arfur

Ware do I begin???

Fings bin weerd here.  Mama bin wike a zombie  dat duz not eet peeplez but iz frozed.  Awl she duz iz werk at washin' fings or do nuffin.  So whut a sprize wen she goze cwazy on us.  She commed home frum da store an' boy iz she in a mud! (Nonono not da durt kind - da feelinz kind dat rimes wif fud). "Whut iz rong wif dis town?", she sez, "how kin dey cawl doze mens rode fixers wen dey dont fix da rodes???"  "Dey drive past fiffty zillyun holes to fill wun widdle hole - whut iz wiff dat???!!"  "How duz dey keep a job?"  Duz not dere bosses notiss?"  "HEY!  I pay dere munnies - duz not enny buddy else notiss??"  Boy she wuz steemin'.

Deep breff...

OKey dokey  den its da shurts agan.  Mama wuz warin' wun ov Antie Angelika's shurts dat sez "evry WOOF cownts".  Now ebrybuddy unnerstanz da "basset eyzd wun, rite?  But leev it to Mama to find da only hyoomans on erf dat dont get it.  She goze to da Rushin' gas stayshun  an' da man not speek reel gud inglish wike me.  He wooks at her shurt - huh??  Whut dat meen?  wif a reel nuzzled wook on hims fayse.  Sheesh.  Whut a dummy.  Eben me gets dat wun.  

Stiww goin' heer - watts to say -
Mama sez awl yu ladies whut ar alone dere iz a salooshun.  Go to da Slobber Shoppy, order da basset fayse shurt - a purty bwown  wif ABC on da sleev an' da basset habs reelly big peepers wike me.  Ackshully, I teww awl my frenz it iz me (hehehe) cuz Papa sez I gots da biggest hed he ebber seed on a basset.  Den,
after yu get da shurt, jus' ware it.  Menz wuv it.  Toe tull strays com up to Mama an' say stoopid fings wike "I'd wike to feed yer dog" (ugh kin yu beweev dat?)  "Kin I pet yer dog?"  "I wuv dat shurt - reewy wike beegulls" (humph- dey ar dum but dey ar tryin;"  Papa finks it iz funny.  He sez he wants her to ware a pin dat sez "NO PETTIN AWOWWED".  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Peepull ar so funny!

I gots more, but savin' it fer to moro.  I smeww piggies in bwankets...........
Later,
Arfur