My noo trik

Dis day wuz a weerd wun cuz Mama beginned by watchin' TV an' bein' sorta sad. Den awl ov a sudden - WAM!  She iz rippin' down curtins, washin' dem, cleenin' my chare dat smewws wike a chewie, den diggin' froo tons ov stuffs an' fillin' bags fer da twash man.  She froed away boddles an' tins an' toobs uv stuff, an' lotsa boxes  too. She wuz so bizzy, I gotted bored. Me an' Vito played a widdle, chekked owt da emty gote pen - stiww no gotes, woofed at a jogger, taked a nap - stiww bored.  Sooooo, wile Vito wuz stiww nappin' I went into da room ware Papa habs hiz tool box.   I sniffed it an' shur enuff - der wuz whut I wanted in it.  I werked reel hard an' finely gotted it open.  It shut reel kwiet so Mama did not no nuffin' until - DRAT!  da snappin' ov da rubber gluv gibbed me away!!  Mama ranned over an' kwik grabbed da snappy gluv owt ov my mowf.  I reelly gibbed it to her - not worf  tryin' to keep it.  She putted it up an' went bak to werk washin curtins.  Now I sneeked bak an' started to werk on da toolbox agan.  Dis time da lid went CLANK an' I wuz cawt.  Now sheez onta me an' she putted da latch on it.  O well, Papa wiww leev it opin agan an' I wiww wate.   I am a payshunt boy. hehehehe....

Shhh...hidin' frum mama

I fot Mama wuz mad at me frum da swiffy caper. Didn't fink she cud get enny madder.  O wuz I rong.  Dis mornin' she an' Papa wuz yakkin' away an' I wuz remindin dem dat it wuz time to eet.  WOOF!  I sed - wanna EET!! Dey jus' kep on tawkin' bowt a Clint whuttebber dat iz an' a ruby - o  an' a rum knee an' den wuz awl chatty bowt a cardnal bird name do - lin (dat dey gotted to meet an' wuz awl chatty den abowt it, too).  I don't care whut dat stuff iz abowt - I WANNA EET!!  An I WANNA EET NOW!   So I went down da stares.  Wen Mama an' Papa camed down, Mama wuz sayin'"hmmm...how did my cloze get on da flore?  Dey  wuz on da hamper! An' HMMM!  Hu taked my skwid (she did not yuze dat werd)!!!  Doggon it Arfur yu iz a bad boy - I meen a BAD BOY!"  An' she pikked up da broked skwid an' gotted reel kwiet.  Skerry kwiet. Den she went in da kitchin an' made coffee, made Papa's fud, pakked hiz lunch - no doggy food. Oh-oh. An' dere wuz no doggy fud until she wuz awl dun.  Oops.  I hidin' now.   She bein' reel nice to Vito.  I fink she gonna GET me, if ya no whut I meen.  Shhh...don' teww her ware I am. Dis mite take a cuppla dayz.  She putted da skwid wif da unders I had yesterday  wif da holes in da middwe. Hey, so she gonna sag on wun side an' be cool on da bottom! I nebber comin' owt...

Arfur

Mama's on da warpaff an' we iz pisst

Mama iz reelly reelly mad rite now cuz wun ov us (I not tellin') peed on her swiffy fingy. Heer iz da story...
Vito an' me go to wots ov trubble to spred owr furs awl ober da howse.  Dat way, peepull kin see dat we liv heer an' ar in charj.  Mama coms along an' swiffies up aw da hare evry day - den Vito an' me gotsta spred owr hares all ober again. Patooey!  We tried to let her see dat we wanted owr hares dere.  But NO, she jus' hazta  swiffy doze up an' fro dem away. So - we peed on da swiffy.  She left it in da baffroom so it wuz on da shiny flore so we fot she wud not get mad.  RONG!  She wuz fyoomin'!   She still gots smokes comin' owta her eerz an' her iballs ar burnin' red an' her vanes ar standin' owt on her nek. Gess we wiww not do dat agan - but den mebee we wiww.  How else ar we gonna get owr messidje akross to her?  Doze ar owr hares. 
Oops gotta go...da cabul man iz up on da pole an' mebbee we cud make him nervuss an' fawl down :)

Later,
Arfur

Sekund, no - thurd puppyhood

Mama bin on da warpaff lately.   Vito iz on hims sekund puppyhood, but me, its gotta be da furd or forf wun.  So far da skore iz two pare ov papa's pants  (dats two buttins ), two pare ov mama's unders, a cupple pee spots, a snark at da Pippicat (cud not ketch her), and best ov awl, a snootful ov nemmies.  Whut's nemmies?  Dey iz widdle red, yeller, gween  rownd fingies dat taste gud an' habs nems on dem.  Sum eben gots peenuts in dem.  Mama duz not gib us nemmies, but I helped myself a cuppla times.  Like today.  Da telly fone rang an' Mama gotted up to fetch it so I jus' tasted a cupple ov her nemmies.  Too bad she only habbed a widdle bit an' she cotted me  afor I cud eet dem awl.

Last nite wuz crooz nite.  An' as uzuall we gotted annownced on da radio az "basset roylty" an' Papa's traktor gotted put in da pwace of honner.  We gotted TONS ov pets  from a nickzillyun peepulls hu fot Vito an' me wuz cyoot.  I wuv crooz nite. I jus' sniff an' sniff an' sniff da sweet smewws all nite ov hammy burgers from da Burger King an' pizza frum da pizza store. I dreem gwate dreems evry crooz nite. An' sumtimes, wunce in a wile, we gets to taste da goodies, too.

Till nex' time...

Arfur

Mama's Herd of Hummers

Lately, Vito an' me bin heerin' a buzzy buzzy sownd in owr eers wen we go owt da doggy dore.  Den we sit an' laff at da Pippicat cuz it iz buzzin rownd her - too!  Mama putted a boddel of red stuffs by da porch an' we heer dis buzzin' awl da time an' da red stuffs jus' disapeerz.    I don't smeww nuffin' an' I don't see nuffin'...jus' da buzzy buzzy itchin' rownd my hed.  Now Mama, she sits dere awl brite eyed watchin' sumfin'.  She stared at da saggy tree fer a loooooong time dis mornin'.  I cud not see nuffin'.  She sed, "Luk, Arf, dere iz a hole herd ov widdle hummers in da tree...awl sittin' on diffrent sticks!"  Well, she did not uze doze werds zackly, but yu get my dwift.  I cud see nuffin'.  I fink she wuz makin' it up!  But shur enuff, in a liddle wile dere wuz a buzzy fing by da boddel drinkin' da red stuffs.  Den an nudder buzzy fing on da udder side drinkin', too.  Awl ov a suddin' it iz a WAR!  We gots buzzy fings chasin' buzzy fings awl ober da place!  
WOW!  Dey iz vishus widdle fings.  I not goin' neer dat boddel - not me!  An' ya no whut?  Not eben da Pippicat bovvers dem cuz dey iz skerry!
Crooz nite tonite!  Yippee!  Tawk to ya tomorrow!

Arfur

Kings - we be kings!

We went to crooz nite last nite.  Mama droved us in owr noo seety belts an' Papa droved da traktor.  Wen we gotted dere, we gotted annownsed by Doc da deejay (an' owr frend) wike he awlways duz, but dis time he sed we wuz royl, er, roya...uh, er...basset kings ov dis crooz nite ebery Wenzday an' dat we habbed arrived.  We gotted wots ov pets an' attenshun, but I jus' cannot stand da smeww ov Burger King RITE DERE!!  It dwives me cwazy!  Wen we gotted home, Pippi weft a widdle pwezent...a mowsie mouf.  Yup, jus' da mowf.  Sheez just jellus cuz she can't go to crooz nite.  BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

till nex' time
Arfur

I iz instulted

Mama set down to uze da puter an' I heered "ARFUR!  GET IN HEER!  Hu spitted awl ober my skreen????  HUH?"

 Now let me teww ya, I did not spit on da puter.  Reelly.  A widdle fly wuz peskin' me wen I rote my blog da udder day an I did shake my hed wunce.  An' mebbee a widdle drool wuz on my flooz, but I did not spit on Mama's puter skreen.  How cud she say dat?  Dat reelly makes me feel instulted, ins..insisted?  insulated?   Waddever.

Whut abowt her laffin' at her fwenz jokes wif coffee in her mowf, huh?  Whut abowt dat?  Whut abowt Vito likkin'...wate.  Lets not go dere.

Ennywayz, enuff until after tonite - CROOZ NITE - YES!!!  An' I wiww hab mor to tell!!

Arfur

2 in wun day - WOW!

Okeydokey.  Mama taked us owt wile she pooperskoopered, den we gotted lokked in.  Vito sez, "BOWT TIME!  Da grasses is tikklin' my wizzer an I HATE dat!  Den she wunders wy we pee on da dek - HMPH!"  Yup, shur enuff, we heer da big bloo monster dat Mama habs traned to eet da grass.  She shur iz brave to ride dat monster!  Ennyway, comin' in da gate, she stopped.  We cud heer her scrapin' da grasses owt from under on da part she cawls da deck.  Den we heer "EEK - whut's dat??"  She came runnin' in an tode us dat wen she scraped da grass owt, dere wuz a furohshus jiant feeld mowse layin' on hiz bak lukkin' up at her.  How skerry!  She wuz not skerred, but came in to tell us whatfer da yellin' so we wud not wurry.  She sed it wuz so big she fot it wuz a chikmunk.  Gess hu wuz owt dere to meet him?  Yup.  Da Pippicat.  Mama did not see her ketch him, but beweev me, she nebber ebber loses.  Her sez,"a rodent a day keeps da vetman away."  EEeeeeeewwwwww.

Funderstwuk

Dat wuz Mama wen we habbed compinny da udder day.  Now ober da yeers, Mama habs bin teechin' me dat peeple ar nice an' will not hurt me.  Sumtymes I beweeved her, sumtymes I did not.  Wen I did not, weww, wets jus' say I wuz not a shiny zample ov basset fwendlyness.  Howebber, Vito haz helped me lurn to relax an' luv to get doze pets!!  Hey, udderwize he hogs dem awl!  Now don' get me rong.  Der ar sum peeplez dat I jus' do not wike.  Peer, uh, peeer....fooey!  Dat is dat.  But lately I eben meeted my mos' terrubble emnemey an' gess whut?  I butted him fer pets.  I leeeened aganst him fer pets - an still he only petted Vito - patooey!   I like goin' to crooze nites, so I shur gonna be frendly to ebrywun!  Still, Mama wuz so empressed.  But hey - dat iz not da story dis time.

 Da fokes wuz habbin' dere fwend Walt to dinner...yummy stake!  After dinner dey wuz tawkin' an' Walt told Papa, "Dat iz da frendlyest dog I hav ebber met.  Wen Papa lukked ober spektin' to see Vito, der I wuz leenin' into Walt an' nudgin' him to keep on strokin'!

Mama sed I iz her Pride an Joy - duz dat meen sheez gonna make me wash da dishez?

Nite games

KA-FUNK...ka-funk.  KA-FUNK...ka-funk.  Den Mama heers - KAFUNK!! WHAM!!  She jumpid owt ov bed an dwagged her sewf down da stares sayin' "whut iz goin' on down heer????"  Vito iz sleepin' on da cowch.  Pippi iz peekin' ober da kitchin gate.  Yu cud heer her chucklin' "dat stoopid dog", den, "why iz Mama roonin' owr game? - I wiww play it ennyway"
ka-funk - over da gate she hops.  KA-FUNK offa da cowch Vito hops - thunk thunk thunk, ka-thunk!  Bak ober da gate she leeps.  Ov corse Vito nebber wiww ketch her.  Pippi iz waaay faster dan him.  Bak up on da cowch he goze.
Now Mama cawt on pwetty kwik.  She sent Vito upstares to bed an' gibbed Pippi sum kitty tweets an' a leckshur.  Den whut happins??  Mama (now bak in bed) starts itchin'.  skritch skritch skritch...toss 'n' turn.  Her gots beez.  Wate - gosh I miss Hugo - not beez.  Yu gets it, doncha?  Doze fings beez livs in.  HIVES - dats it!  She kep' Vito an' me awake wif her skritchin'!  Hmmm.  Yu fink she wuz gettin' eben?

Arfur

Stwange goins on

Awl dis week Papa habs bin payntin' da porch.  Now befor he did diss, he gated us offa it cuz he wuz fixin' bords an' nales an' stuffs.  So for a looong time we hab not had owr sunning spot an' Mama habs not had her wash dryin' rope. PLUS awl hims toolz an' supplyz hab bin in Mama's stove room.  Wen da payntin' started, da doggy dore wuz lokked.  BOO!  Mama bin takin' us owt da front dore to pee an' last nite she wawked us down da street afore bed.  It wuz hot an' muggy an' eben we did not fink it wuz fun, but az we got to da nex' street, we turned an' gess hu wuz followin' us.....da Pippicat.  She wuz wawkin' rite behind us down da street.  Iz dat weerd or whut?  Stoopid cat.

We iz lukky dat now da paynt iz dun an' dryin' an luks gud.  But Papa iz so meen - he wiww not let us go on owr porch cuzza Vito.  Yep.  Da messidj is "no pee on da porch".  Patooey.  Da gate iz still up.  For now.

Da nurv ov him!

Dis day we gotted pwezents frum owr mama.  Vito gotted hiz furst and da hole time he wuz gettin' it, I yelled at Mama to teww her I shud be furst. Wen she wuz dun, dere stood Vito in a cote made ov leeshes.  It habbed a fuzzy chest fingy too.  Den, she started to put mine on me an' Vito twied to get hims fat liddle hed in MY cote!!  Mama sed dey ar called seetbelts to repwace owr hammock houndy holder fer da car.  Mama putted him aside an' finished fittin' me wif my noo seetybelt.  Den gess whut?  She taked us in da car to twy dem owt an' we gotted chikky nuggets at Burgie King!! YUMMY!!!  Even tho I cried awl da way dere, I did not cry at awl comin' home wif my mowf fulla chikky!!

So happy to be bak

Hooooeeeeeeee!  I am finely back.  My burfday wuz dis past week an' I got a stwange kwestchun frum mama.  She asked me to help her pull her hed owt ov her glass.  Now dis did not make enny sents to me cuz she did not hab a glass ennyplace neer her.  But I tode her I wud be a gud boy from dat minnit on.  An' ya know whut?  I bin reel gud.  I stopped barkin' to get my bwekfast in da mornin'.  Dat wuz  a big wun.  Now I go an' get my hedgiehog an' payshuntly wate fer her to get her sewf owt ov bed an' down da stares an' make da coffee an' fill owr boles.  Whew!  Dat iz hard werk, but I pwomissed.
Next, wile Vito wuz doin' sumfin' bad dis mornin' (peein' on dad's deck rite in front ov him)  I stoled a bag ov libber biskotties, brot it down stares an' wawked rite up to Mama an' dropped it at her footies,  Now how iz DAT fer gud??  I fink I got her rite ware I want her now, so we wiww see how dis werks owt,  Meenwile, I am bein' az gud az a big boy can be.

Now I gottsta tell ya, da last few mumfs hab bin reelly tryin'.  First Unka Bill went to da bridge,  Den Mama wuz in da hopspittle,  Reely sik.  Den, wile she wuz gettin bedder, Papa gotted bronkesoritis.  Not gud, cuz Mama turned dat germ into Pnoomoanya.  I am shur dat iz spewwed rong,  She wuz on a masheen to breeve an wuz too tired to do ennyfing but pet us.  But da wurst part wuz it taked so long.  She maked us miss Mishygun, da Boredwaddle, Memoryal Day, awl ov June an' part ov Jooly.  But now she iz owt shoppin' fer stuffs to make up fer owr burfdays an' fings ar lukkin' up.  We habbed a bad time da last 2 weeks wif annyversaries ov Granpa at da bridj, Antie Judy gettin' murderd, Nana to da bridj, Unka Tom leevin' us last yeer, an' Unka Herbie da basset luvver of awl time leevin' fer da bridj, too last yeer, Now we iz plannin' owr picknik, plannin' vaycayshun, an' gettin' reddy fer da trakter puww dis Friday.  Papa iz SOOO XSITed!!
well, da sekreterry iz gettin' tired (she iz jus' barely keepin' dis job!)  So we will tawk tomorrow cuz derre iz so much mor to teww,
Soo glad to be bak on da air,
Arfur

Gettin' even

I been leevin' liddle traps fer Mama cuz she bin leevin' us home.  A hedjhoggy on da steps, a ball nex to da bed, nuffin' reelly bad.  Cuz ya noze I luv dat lady.  I bin cold at nite lately so at abowt 4 in da mornin' I get in bed wif her an' Papa.  Furst I goze owtside, den I climes up in da bed rite nex to Mama.  Dis mornin' I tuk her piwwows an' wen she woked up, her hed wuz on my hiney an' Papa's arm.  But darnit I jus' cannot owtdo my liddle brudder.  He fell owta bed da udder nite an' woked dem bofe up cuz he wuz awl tangled up in da blankies.  Den wen dey went bak to sleep he went owt an' played in da snow.  DEN he camed bak an' got in da bed an' yu cud heer Mama yelp awl down da street...hehehehe.  Dis woke up Papa hu den got hiz taste ov Vito's cold noze an' da snow.  Da snow melted offa Vito's bak pretty fast, but I shur wish I cud do stuffs az gud az him.  Whelp, Mama will be home awl day wif da snow comin' now.  Gud snugglin' wether.
Til' nex time...
Arfur

I yam back agan

Wuz away du to sekweterry not heer....AGAN.  I no I pwomissed dis wud not happin, but my Unka Bill went to da bwidje.  Now heer we go:

Eetin' dog poopies an' givin' fwencheez iz not myootchully eggskloosiv.

Fink abowt it.   Yu kisses dem befor dey reelize whut yu did. (If dey eben fink at awl) Rite?

Untill tomorro witch iz Antie Seel's burfday...but I WIWW be heer!!

Arfur

Vito is a reel stallyun!

It is not just hims name!  Vito iz reely a stallyun!  Mama an' Antie Janet iz lernin' ta speek a stallyun.  Mama wuz wistenin' an' singin' to a stallyun  song an' gess whut!!!  Vito went cwazy!!  Toe tully cwazy!!  He whined an' woofed an' jumped on Mama an' ran arownd - jus' cwazy!! He reelly is a stallyun!  Eben da name ov da groop dat wuz singin' wuz like Vito's name...Eel Volo.  See?  All da "o's"??  Evry time Mama playz dat moosic, he gets awl happy an' jumps arown'.  I gots a stallyun brudder frum Brooklin.  Hu nu?
Till nex' time...
Arfur

Now we gettin' sumware!!

We hab bin keepin' up Okkupi Kitchin wif vewy little results.  But gess whut!!  A minnit ago we got a reelly big surprize!  It wuz a wite box!!!!  We NEBBER get wite boxes!  In it wuz da yummiest stake I ebber eeted.  But wate - dere iz mor!  Vito an' me eech gotted shrimpies an' da biggest tater yu ebber seed!
I iz wun happy houndy. burp.

We want owr rites!

We hav fixed Vito's sine so it sez "DONT feed dat kat...open da fridje."
Owr noo plan did not werk vewy well.  It only gotted us a tiny widdle pees ov bredstik an' a hole weet crakker.  Bedder dan leddus, but not by much.  I did get to stik my hed in da fridjeraytor, but Mama almos' got my eer stuk in da dore she clozed it so fast.  Awl da gud stuff iz on hi shelfs. Patooey.  Oops gotta go...sheez comin' fast!
Arf

Occupi Kitchin nooz

Da furst skor we made wuz leddus - dats rite - LEDDUS.  It did hab a widdle taste on it cuz it was outa Papa's sammich.  Wat ar we doin' rong??  Da Pippicat gotted tuna an' a shrimpie.  We gotted LEDDUS.  How duz dat kitty do it?  She not beg...she go Meeow meeow.  She not snuggle...she not even wanna get pikked up!  So whut ar we doin' rong??  Evry time we go owta da doggy dore to potty, dats wen Mama gets owt da gud stuff an' puts it away wen we com bak.  NO FARE!  Gotta change owr sines ya fink?  Mine sez "Eekwel rites to fridgerayter!"  Vitos sez  - wate...whut duz Vito's say?  YU GOT DA RONG SINE DUMMY!  Ware did yu get dat wun dat sez "Feed da cat"???  Put dat away!   sigh.     I need help.

Alone on day wun

We spended dis day awl alone wile da swaves went to bizit famwy.  Fooey.  Dey bwot home fud but not fer us.  Dey brot dezerts, but not fer us.  I fink dis nex' day will be a pwotest heer.  Vito an' me iz gonna ockyupi da kitchin.  An' we iz not gettin owt until we get tweeted fare...wike eekwel fud an' lots ov cukkies.  An' dey hav to take us evryware.  Even if Vito gets carsik.  I wiww cleen it up.  I jus' wanna go wif dem ware ebber dey go.  Hmmph, but da rellytivs dont wike doggies.  No hare, no drool, no barks, no pets - pwetty much no fun.  Mebbee I shud re fink dis.  At home we kin play, we kin nap, we kin drool an' no buddy sez nuffin.  Hmmm...gess we negosheeate fer fud an' buwwy stiks.  Heer dat, Vito?  Chanj ov plans!  Yu make dat sine - We Want Fridjerater Rites.  I got dis sine:  Bully Stiks or Fall ober us!  We gonna start Ockyupi Kitchin in da mornin'.