Big Sitement!!

Boyoboyoboy  did we hab sitement!!  Mama camed home wif Antie Torrie  an' we wuz so happy to see her!!  We gotted snuggles an' pets an' lotsa luvvin' from her.  We wuz reelly likin' owr vizit wif her, wen dere wuz a nok at da dore an' Unka Joe brotted cukkies dat Antie Pat made jus' fer us!!!  A liddle wile later, we wuz gettin' mor pets frum Antie Torrie wen suddnewy der wuz a huge DING DONG - dat odd noyz wen somebuddy stwange coms to da dore.  It dwives Vito NUTS!!  Whelp, Mama wented to see hu it wuz.  She did not noe dere face, den she lukked an seed a strange car.  She tole Torrie - don't know hu dis iz but she fot dey mite be noo Jobwess Witlesses dat wuz not familyer wif dis howse.  How ebber,  deze wuz not dem.  Dey wuz yung gurls wif faked up badjes hangin' rownd dere  neks.  Wun habbed a switchbord in her hanz.  Whut Vito? O. A Kwipbord.   Dey sed sumfin' reely strange abowt polees support in da lektrik bill an' wud Mama get da bill an' dey wud sho her.  Or if da bill wuz on da puter, dey wud come in an' sho her on da puter skreen.  Dey wanted to com in.  Ok, first, mama werked wif da poleeses  an' sekund  we don't get no bill.  Mama uzes da 'puter.   She did not teww dem dat, but sed we habbed compinny an' she wuz bizzy an' dat Papa wud be home enny minnit.  Mama, wented in to teww Antie Torrie  an gess whut! Doze gurls went up in smoke.  Dey dis appeered!   Now Mama cawed da poleeses to see if dey wuz legit (her werd).  Da poleeses sed day not noe. Asked fer whut dey luk like, Mama tole dem.  She tole dem abowt der wite car, too.  Gess whut.  Mama habs a wite car.  Wen she taked Antie Torrie home, she gotted stopped by da poleeses, followed by free diffrent poleese cars, an' tawked to by a poleesman.  She sed she nebber felt so safe!  Make a long story short - doze gurls did not go to enny udder howse in da nayborhood. Dey did go to an nudder howse sumware else neerby an' doze peepull cawled da poleesmen too.  But doze gurls vanisht!  So it be interestin' - Mama tode dem to return on Fursday  in erly after noon.  We wiww see if dey com bak.   I sharpenin' my toofies an' Vito iz pwaktissin' hiz big deep woof.  We be reddy!   Meenwile, da dores ar lokked an' da fone iz in Mama's pokkit.  Mama wuz gigglin' wif Antie Torrie dat she fewt wike Nansy Droo.  Who iz dat?
More later,
Arfur

Puppy cries

I nebber rite 2 times in wun day normully.  But da weerdest fing happined to me tonite.  Mama an' Papa wuz watchin' da pitcher fingy.  I cud heer puppies cwyin' an'  a gotie goin' maaa-aa-aa.  Hab not herd a gotie in a wong time (in dog time).  Awl ov a sudden der wuz a puppy on da cabbynet.  He wuz cwyin' an'  bwak an' bwown, crawlin' to hiz mommy.  I fot fer shur he wuz in dis room.   I started watchin', den got cwoser so I cud sniff, but den I got eben cwoser until my noze tucheded - awlmost dere...an' WOOF!!!!  Vito jumps down an' hed butts me an' woofs rite in my eer!  An' da puppy went away :((((.  An' Vito, da widdle snot, kep' woofin' at me cuz I gotted too cwose to da pitcher fingy.  But I am shur der wuz reelly a puppy dere.  I cud awlmos' smeww him.  I went up ebber so jentwy, but he stiww wuz gon.  Mama sed it wooked wike  I wuz hip no tized  an' slowly puwwed to da puppy on da skreen.  She sed she nebber seed me wook dat way - ebber.  An' Vito rooinned da pitcher she twied to take to pwoov it.  Enny how, dat iz my story fer now.
Later,
Arfur

2 Nites an' cowntin

We now hab bin gud fer 2 nites in a row.  Mama habs rozes in her cheeks agan.  She  iz spwingy an' ejernetic.   Best ov awl, she iz not cwabby.  Mebbe we  shud do dis mor offen.   But she shud hab compinny mor offin.  It hewps.  Last nite owr Unka camed fer pizza.  Eben if we cud not hab da ackshooul pizza, we gets AWL da crustes.   We cud smeww da onyuns an' mushroomies  an' maters an' cheez as soon as it camed in da dore.   I made trales ov drool ober 20 feets long 'cordin' to Mama!  Den I droowlded a puddle so big dat eben Papa swipped in it!  I cannot hewp it.  Eben da Pippicat wuz droolin' an' she dont eet pizza bones.  Onwy Vito habbed dry wips.  He kep sukkin' it in - da guddy guddy widdle bwat!  Wadeaminnit!!  I fownd owt ware he putted it!  He wiped it awl on da bak ov Mama's cote.  Wy she not get mad???  Oh.  Bet she did not find it yet.  Ennywayz, after pizzas an' i screem an'  cuddles an' pets, we ackshully slep awl nite.  Agan.
Now it iz nappy time  untiw Papa coms home from werk.
Seeya,
Arfur

How do yu speww releef?

Ok, we wuz heddin' in to da forf nite ov lak  o sleepy fer Mama.  But wen Papa gotted home frum werk, he wuz in a herry to go owt.  Kyle da 2 legger wuz meetin' dem fer supper at da Hi Noon Fursday nite.  Mama an' Papa wuz takin' Antie Pat an' Unka Joe dere fer a nite owt.  We wuz bein' home ALONE.  It wuz gettin' dark.  Da monster wuz owt dere sumware.  Dey wuz leevin' us. shudder.
Did  not seem long. In a liddle wile dey commed home, dere wuz da smeww ov coffee an' bwownies.  Mama wuz servin' dezert.  Furst, Antie Pat gibbed us cookies!!!  We wuz not fergotted!!  O Boy - an pets an' skritches an' luvvin' O Hebbenwy!!  We gotted wots an' wots ov attenshun.  I nebber seed Mama an' Papa an' Antie Pat an' Unka Joe hab such a gud time!  Dey did!

After dey goed home, Vito an' me slep on da sofa wif Papa.  Wen Papa went to bed, we wud not go owt.  Mama pleeded but we wud not go.  Achshully, Vito went rite up wif Papa.  Mama wuz fwustwated wif him. I followed Mama up but wud not go owt.  Mama wuz reelly reelly nerbuss.  She wud not eben gib us owr gud nite cukkies.  But she wuz so sweepy, she layed down an' da nex fing she noo, da alarm wuz goin' off.  hehehe...we slep awl nite an' so did she.  In fack, nun ov us wanted to eben get up (her too).  But da clok wuz tikkin' an' she hadda get Papa off to werk.

So we gibbed her a wun nite brake.  Wets see whut happins DISS nite!!  Shud  we let her go fer 2?

Later,
ARfur

Nite 3 - uh -oh

Ok, we wuz reelly gonna let Mama sleep.  But abowt 2 am dat majik lite camed on an' Vito smewwed sumfin' owtdores.  And he wined, an' he wined...an' he WINED......an' he WOOFED!  Woke up Mama AN' Papa oh-oh.  Papa sweeps fru ennyfing.  But Mama sed go bak to sweep.  An' she did. An' we did not.  An' furst Vito butted her in da hed, den I gentwy skritched her arm.  Vewwwwy gentwy.  Not wanna see funder eyez.  But she jes sed NO  go bak to sweep.  A widdle winin', a widdle paysin', a cupple skritches...nope.  Finely she letted us owt at 5am. I don't fink we shud twy dis agan.  We wawkin' a reellly daynjeruss paff heer.   We cud get wokked owt (of da bedwoom) or putted inna crate.  An' Mama wud jus' go find her eerpluggers so she cud sweep.  sigh.  But sumfin' iz owt dere.  In owr yard.   At nite.  Gardin' da howse iz owr job.  Whut else kin we do?  I fink da solooshun iz to put Vito on da porch for da nite.  Den whutebber it is wiww  take him an' leev da west ov us alone. Hehehe...I WUV dat ideea!   Hmmm...den I wiww not hab ennybuddy to pway wif.  Whelp, bak to da drawin' bord -

1. How not to wake up Mama
2. How to get rid ov da monster  dat iz lurkin' in da yard
3. See if da Pippicat wiww gard da porch  :)
4. Figger owt how to ignor it - i.e. - how to nok owt Vito

Later,
Arfur - gotta werk on dis pwoblem

Nite games 2

OK, dis time we wented owt fer owr last wawk at 9:45 wike normal.  Den Mama gibbed us xtra treets  to go to sleep.  Into bed, den zzzzzzzzzzz...

Until midnite.

Vito wuz cryin' to go owt.  Mama seed dat da majik lite wuz on owt dere.  So she gotted da big lite dat iz awlso a weppin  an' taked us owt.  Owr sniffers wuz goin' CWAZY but Mama sed it wuz lukky we hedded fer da far fense insted ov up behind dat lite an' we did not find nuffin'.  Bak in I camed.  Vito taked a widdle longer cuz he wuz chekkin' da hole parimmitter.   Den, he sneeked fru a hole in da fense but Mama seed him an' cawled him bak.   Dis time, he ackshully lissened to her an' came a runnin'.  Bak to bed we goed.  Wets see whut happins dis nite now.  Mama beez reddy to nok us owt.
BWHAHAHAHA!!!
Arfur

Nite moovs

It wuz 2 firty in da mornin'  - hey dat's reely nite.  Vito gotted owt ov bed an' funked down da steps to da doggy dore.  Awl of a suddin, Mama iz sittin' up, eerz perked.  Vito wuz woofin' owt in da yard.   Ok, sheez haf ass sleep an' gwabbed da big lite, den heded down da steps to drag da liddul bugger in.  But now I wuz awake an' beet her owta da dore.  Now it wuz only 11 degweez owtside.  Mama's teef wuz chatterin' az she cawled "Vito!  Get in heer!  Where ar YU???"  Da lite shined awl arownd da yard, but Vito an' me wuz behind a twee.  A few dayz ago, der wuz a pak ov kioteez owt dere an' we cudda  bin a snak.  But not dis time. Den jus' az I gotted da sent, da widdle bwat ran inside to hiz mommy.  Me, I wuz on da twale of sumfin'.  Da heck wif goin' in!  Mama  kep' cawlin' den she gave up.  She gotted nervuss wen she heered sumbuddy giv one low wissul.  I came in a minnit layter an' she clozed da doggy dore.  Bak to bed we awl went, but we cud heer a dog bawkin' an' an nudder wissul.
It cudda bin da cwazy naybor wif hiz dog, but I ayn't tewwin'.   But we did see doggy pwints followin' da deer pwints in owr yard an' Mama lukked fer peeple pwints, but it wuz too melted  to tell frum Papa's an' herz feets.  Papa finks we got pochers, cuz we hab herd shootin' at nite  (but not last nite) and dey cud yuze a bow neer da howses.  Sumbuddy gotta keep dat widdul snot in da howse so we don't meet whoebber it iz.  Wen we went bak to bed, Mama cwozed da bedroom dore to keep him from doin' it agan.
She sed she jus' wants WUN nite's sweep.  Sheez gettin' weerd surkulls  under her eyez.  Hehehe...me, I wike adbenchur.  Weel see hu wins.
Later,
Arfur

Yippee! Speshul tweets fer taday!

We gotted lessanya - from Papa AND Mama!  Dey dont no whut dey ar doin'.  I sit an' giv Papa "da Luk"  wif my pleedin sad fase  an' he gibs me a bite.  Den, I go arownd da taybul  (Vito an' me swap pwaces) an' gib Mama "da Luk"  an' she sez "whut Papa did not gib yu none?"  (well mebbe she didn' say it wike dat)  an she gibs me a nice meety bite.  Wen Papa iz dun he wets wun ov us wik da pwate an' wun ov us wiks da fork.  Mmmmm...yummy.  Now its time to go owtside an' woof at da big doggies wif da horns cuz dey ar eetin' corn an' bwed an we can't get it!!  But Mama cwozed da doggy dore an' now I am imp payshuntly watin' to get owt.
Later,
Arfur

No lassanya fer us today

We did not get enny cuz dey gotted home late from Grammas howse.  Mebbe to morro.  But we did get soooper dooper cukkies dat owr naybor an' doggysitter baked fer us. YUM! Wen dey gotted home, da 2 legger an' fwend wuz wif dem an' he lefted a hot doggy on da taybul.  It wuz TORCHUR!!  But it wuz nice habbin' dem arownd ennywayz.
Gonna rite mor to morro.   I's tard.
Nitey nite -
Arfur

A gud day full ov gwate sniffs

Awl day Mama stayed home.  Dis wuz vewy gud cuz awl day she cukked.  First we herd chop chop choppin' sownz  an' da smeww ov pepperz, onyuns, garlik, zookeenee, an' cheezes.  Den da sizzle ov meet in da pan  wif da oliv oyl an' Vito an' me habbed owr nozes glooood to the gate sniffin' deez wunderful smewws.  It jus' gotted better n' better.  Oops.  Den she stopped to wash sum cloze an' in wif da gud smewws wuz sopy smewws. 
Den sheez bak in da kitchin.  Evryfing is bwending sooo gud - ack!  da smewws dwive me cwazy!!  Now coms da  maters - awl kinds ov maters an'  wen dey get mixed wif da veggies an' da meeties omymymymymyit smewws sooo gud!  OO!  Vito sez CHEEZ!  Do yu smeww dat??  Cheezes!!  aaaahhhhhh....romano an' parmessan an' rigawt an' yummy mootzarella.  Vito iz a cheez xpert.  I fink cuz heez frum Brooklin.  Itallyun cappytal ov da werld.  Now we iz winin' at da gate - hey!  let us get closer!!  Mama jus' smiles an' sez be gud an' tosses us eech a pees of zookeenee, den a widdle pees ov mootazarell.   SIGH.
Sheez  makin' da layers now ov noodles (we get da extras), maters, cheesez an' meet.  Wen it iz finely in da ovin, we cant stand it enny mor.  We gotta go take a nap or go nutzy.  We reeellly luv lasanya.  An' she maded 2 of dem!!  YES!!!  Mebbee wun iz fer us!  
Weer reelly hopin'.
Tell ya to morra,
Arfur

Bad boy - agan

Dis mornin' I wuz in a hurry.  My tummy wuz goin' "gruummbleummbleggrrrrruh!" an' Mama an' Papa wud not get up eben wif da noyzy fing goin' off.  I figgered I wud sho HER!   Now  I dont no wy I did dis.  I bin a gud boy fer a long time now.   But a widdle voyse in my hed tode me to do it.  I went in da room wif da majik bole, climed up on da hamper an' stole Mama's very last skwid.   Ok - I didnt jus' steel it.   I eeted awl da widdle  pwastik  fingies offa it so da long parts got reeeeeelly long.  Da rownd parts I onwy wikked an' I did not  hurt da hooky stuff in da bak cuz dey hurt my toofies.  Wen Mama came down to feed us, she took wun wook an' started to cry.  "My vewy last bwa!  How cud yu, Arfur???! Yu BAD BAD boy!!"  Fire camed owt ov her eyz an' funder rummbulled. An' ya no  whut?   she did not feed us.  She maded Papa's coffee an' hiz sammich an' dwinks fer lunch.  She fed da Pippicat an' letted her owt. She pored Papa's shreddy weetie fingys.  Den she went an' bagged up ode yooniforms fer him to take to werk.  She gabe him hiz widdwe piwws, den wen he wuz reddy to leev, she fownd wun ov da plastic fingys an' held it up an' sed  "Arfur - did yu do diss?" 
I twied to leev da room - putted  my hed down an' twied to hide, but dis feelin' camed ober me.  I fewt BAD.  Den Papa putted da chewed skwid in my dish.  An' den I new.  I new wy her did not feed me yet  an' I wade down rite dere. 
Whelp, Papa weft fer werk, Mama putted away da stuff in da kitchin, an' den she fed us.  I am bein' reeeeellly reeeellly kwiet rite now.  Mebbe she wiww ferget.  She sed I cwossed da wine waddebber dat meens.   I taked da wast wun.   I no she wiww laff later. But hers habs a reely fwowny wook on her face rite now.  An' she iz not tawkin'.  She iz gettin' da fred an' da sharpie widdle fing  an' sewin' dat skwid.  I heddin' fer da doggy dore until herz smilez agan.
Till later,
Arfur

Happy Balentines Day

Yeah!   YOU try sayin' a "v" wif big floppy wips.  Wanna wish eberybuddy a reelly Happy Balentine's Day - espeshully my gurl Hannah, an' my frend  Millie.

Mama jes' came in all 'sited cuz a widdle wile ago she weft wif sizzers, tape, ribbins, an' awl kinds ov Balentine deckerayshuns.  She wuz dresst awl in bwak - bwak hoody, bwak pants, bwak boots - sez she needs da hoody cuz her wed hares gibs her away ebry time!  So, she drove 15 milez to Papa's werk, parked at da store nex dore,den sneeked into da parkin' lot ware hiz truk iz.  Den, fer da 20th time she dekoraytd it wif sines, stickkers, streemers, tinsel, windo klingy fings, candy, a card, a stuffded hart an' a hole bunch ov udder stuff.  Dere wer  menz werkin' on cars in da lot, so she hadda sneek by an get into da truk an' do da inside, den tippytoe  arownd da udder side to get da entenna an' dat side wile standin' in a HYOODJe puddle!  She gotted smart dis yeer an' putted ebryfing togevver befor she left.  Da dummy uze to unrap da stuffs in da truk wile she wuz doin' it an' dat wuzn't gud!  She only ebber got cawt wun time cuzza a bawoon.  So she dont do bawoonies no mor.  Da furst time she fiwwed hiz truk compleetly wif bawoons an' he cud not drive home. Kin yu beweev she did not fink of dat?  Papa wownd up gibbin' away bawooons to ebrywun he seed jus so he cud get home.  She haz dun som gud jobs ober da yeers an' sum bad wuns (like in bad wedder or wen dere wuz peeples  gonna ketch her).  She sed dis yeer's iz awl mos' pawfeckt. 
Sorry - she did not take no pitchers, tho.
HAPPY BALENTINE'S DAY EBERYBUDDY!
WOTS OV WUV,
Arfur

It'snot drool

Mama had to take da Auntie to da doc today so dis mornin' wuz a rush.  Papa did not hab hiz norml otemeel  witch he shares wif us.  He habbed Sinnymun Toste Kwunch.  Yummy did dat smeww gud.  I sat an' gave him my vewy best "look" but he wuz not lukkin' at me.  I wanted sum so bad!  Vito stuk hiz hed in da bole an stole sum, but I did not get enny.  Dad gwabbed hiz lunch box an' keez an' went to leev.  Mama hurried to lik hiz cheek (peeple ar weerd) an gib him hiz huggy.  She taked wun step past ware I sat an' whOOOP@!  I fink she swipped on Vito's snot - it cud NOT hab bin my drool!  I wuz not droolin'!!  ----wuz I?  Oooops.  Pippicat an' me  had weft a puddle - uh-oh.  Mama kwik gotted dwessed an' left but I fink sheez limpin'.  O brudder.  She comed home an' sheez wimpin' awl rite.  She did not eben fall awl da way down.  Papa sed dat wuz da wurst - it pulled da nee mussel. 
I can not beweev it...she gived me a noo hedjyhog.  She not mad.  She gave me da hedjy an' Vito a noo bottle fer his boddul baby beever.  Wow.  She not mad.  She luvs me.  Mebby I shud ware a towl under my chin.   Fink dat wud hewp? 
Oh, an' dis day wuz no meety heer - ash day.  Dont no nuffin bowt it but no hooman eets  much speshully meet.   Gud fing dey stiww feed US!  Whew!
Tomorro iz comin' fast...
Later,
Arfur

Weer still heer!!

Ha!  Yu fot I wuz droppin' owt agan!  NOPE!  I wuz keepin' my spot on da cowch so dat Vito cud not take it.  He iz such a bwat!!!   Mama caws him a snot.  I wuz mindin' my own bizniss, sleepin' on da doggy bed, wen he  camed up an' put hiz noze DIS CLOSE an' woofed an' growled in my face.  I did not moov, did not blink, did not gib him da satis fakshun of a anser.  He twies to ressle me evry day an'  finks he can win.  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!  Not gonna happin!  He push, I put my hiney in hiz face.  He twy to get on me...I take wun step to da side  an' down he goze.  He hook hiz hed on my nek, I hook my hed (witch iz WAY bigger dan hiz) on HIZ nek.  Den I jump wun widdle jump an' heez down.   Not gonna happin.  I AM DA KING.  Now he tryin' to aarrooo.   Sownz wike a cwakked rekkerd.  Mama sez wike a teenage boy wif hiz voyse changin'.  Mebbe he wiww lern, mebbe not.  He not reel basset ennyhow.  Hims wooks wike a JIANT weener dog.  Man sez part bludhownd made him big.  But he nebber gonna win.  He FINKS he iz da king.  But I NO I am.  Gotta go get bak on dat cowch cuz heer he coms.
Till nex time
Arfur

Pwows an' shuvvels

Last nite it wuz snowin' reel pritty an' fluffy wen we goed to bed.  Vito an' me ran arownd da yard an' pwayed a wittle den came in an' went nitey nite.   Dis mornin' it beed dark owt wen Papa an' Mama waked us up - hey!  weer sleepin' heer!  Nex' fing we smeww coffee an' otemeel an' heer da shuvvel cleerin' owt da doggy dore an' da patee-oh.  Vito an' me ran owt to go pee pee an' BRRRRRRRR!!!!!! it wuz reelly reelly cold an' da snow iz DEEP!!  Yu cud only see owr tales owt dere.  By da time we wer reddy to eet, Mama  wuz puttin on her krotchless ski skins dat I eeted dis week an' wool sox an' warm stuffs.  Papa wuz awlreddy runnin' da widdle bloo pwow.  Wile we eeted, Mama let Pippi owt (she goze owt to potty) an' went owt an' ranned da widdle bloo traktor wile Papa went to fix an' run da big blowy fingy.   By da time dey wuz finished, it wuz lite owt an' dey habbed cleened da driveway, Joe's driveway, da sidewawk, da shed an' barn an' Papa's truk an' stiww he wuz gonna be late to werk.  But Mama wuz on da bawl.  She habbed da truk heetin' up, da lunch on da seet, cleened off da front ov it an' made shur Papa habbed hiz pills an we habbed owrs - oops - fergot her own.  Meenwile da Pippicat iz standin' meowin' at da dore shakin' each paw wike "eeeeww wet me in it is CODE owt heer!"  So Mama wetted her in, hanged up her wet cloze, den dumped her instint bwekfist into her coffee an' camed in to warm up.  Da wind iz blowin' an' Vito an' me are not leevin' da cowch fer NUFFIN'  today.  Well, mebbe fer a cookie.

I say NO FARE

Last nite, we gotted left home awl by owrselfs.   Vito an' me played a widdle an' taked a nap wile we wated fer Mama an' Papa to get home.  Wen dey gots home, as soon as da dore opinned, I cud smeww STAKE!  Yummy stake!!  Sniff Papa...stake, sniff Mama...stake - HEY whut goze heer?  I dont see enny wite boxes.  Oh, wate, dere iz a bag in Papa's hand.  And YES!  Dere iz a wite box in it!!  sniff...sniff...don't smeww no stake...sniff snuffle...snort!  PATOOEY!!!  Its BWED!  Wy wud dey bring home BWED??  And NO STAKE??  Mama went on an' on abowt her dewishuss salad (I cud smeww bloo cheez an' maters) an' how tender her fillay wuz.  Papa wuz tawkin' abowt spinnich dip an' tor teeyas whuddever doze ar.  An' how pawfeck HIS stake wuz.   NO FARE!  Dey did not eet enny lunches so day cud eet dere stakes.  I fink I'm gonna cry.

To add insult to injerry, Mama brotted home noo doggy treets (I cud tell it wuz from Petsmart).  Da bag sed 1/2 callery per peese.  Gess wy?
Da peeses ar so smaww dat I did not no I ate it.  Vito too.  She toss it, it goze ZIP - rite down to my tummy wifowt tuchin' my tung!   Yep, DAT LIDDLE!  I fink she shud take dem bak an' get bigger wuns dat we cud tayst.  No fare if yu drop it an find it wif yer noze, yu cant see it to pik it up.  BOO!  HISS!  Big deel made in USA.   Fer chorkies I m shur. 
Till to morro,
Arfur

An nudder attemp

Ok, da last wun wuz sucksessful, so  I figgered I wud try agan.  To make a long story short, I only gotted a sock  an' did not get to choo it an' Vito, well, take a lissen.

Mama hangs her pockybook on a hook in da kitchin along wif her keez an' stuff.  Fer jus' dis wun time she putted her noo fuzzy gluvs on top.  Wen Papa lef fer werk, she seed dat dere wuz only wun gluv dere.  OH NO!  she sed.  My gluv!!  She ran an' lukked in da bak yard- no gluv.  Lukked in da hole intire downstares - no gluv.  Now sheez werried.
  {puffin' owt chest}  I hav eeted da fingers owt of a zillyun pares of gluvs - most ov da time garden gluvs.  I speshully like doze bloo rubber gluvs dat com in a box cuz dey choo wike bubbul gum an' I kin hewp myself (Papa leevs dem arownd awl da time).  So Mama wuz xtra werried cuz deez wuz her nooest, warmest gluvs an' a storm iz a comin'.  So she sed bye bye to Papa, den came in by da 'puter, abowt to feed doggies awl ober da USA, an' she patted me on da hed, den  wawked ober to pat Vito who wuz on da sofa.  Wif hiz chin on da gluv.  OH WOW!  She sed! WHEW!  She reelly lukked owt cuz Vito wud not let me hab it.  He duz not choo fings, he slobbers dem an' rubs awl ober dem.  Oh well, nex' time I mite be lukky.  Dis time it wuz Mama hu wuz lukky.

Did Mama steel my brane?

It haz bin a long time dat I wuz heer tawkin' to mysewf.  Weww, I am bak an' heer iz my start to da new yeer.

Arfur here. Today I made a perfeck score. Mama wuz bizzy. I jumped up at her desk an' taked da prize an' wifowt stoppin' at awl I hedded to da doggy dore. Mama stepped owt of da widdle room wif da majik bole an' sed "ARFUR! STOP!" An jus' like majik - I stoppeded! Wha?? Den she sez, "DROP IT!" It jus' felled owt of my mowf...REALLY! Did I grab it an' run? Did I zoom owt da doggy dore? No. I stud dere an'wooked at her wif da opin role of candies layin' at my footsies. She wawked over an' pikked dem up, den sed whut a gud boy I wuz an' I shud get a cookie! An' gess whut? She gibbed me a cookie! Do you fink dey ar majik cookies? Do dey take ober my brane? I still do not unnerstand whut happinned. But I fink I hab growed up. You fink? OH NO! I hab turned gud. Dis is seeryuss. How can I hode up my hed as a basset? Wate, Mama jus sed da name ov doze candies - dat splanes it! Dey wuz Lifesavers. Dey saved dere own lives hehehe. Dat mus be it. Gotta be. Not me...