A speshul Noo Yeer to Awl

I am shur yu fot I wuz gon agan, but fings hab bin bizzy an' a widdwe stranje heer.  But I cud not let da yeer end wifowt wishin' awl my frendz an' reeders  a berry Happy Noo Yeer.  We habbed a speshul holly day seezun dis yeer an it seems dat Mama finely habbed peas in her hart.  We came into Cwissmuss wif no sadness, no dark cwowd, no rezervayshuns.  It wuz trooly a day ov grattytood an' luv.

So heer I am...hi jakkin' my mama's typin' skills but wif very strickt instruckshuns to rite it da way I tole her.  No speww chek.  May yer yeer ahed be fuww ov smilez, warm fuzziez, an' gud fots.  May yer  harts be fuww ov laffter an' joy.  May yu find fayf an' heelin'.  Mos' ov awl, reech owt to sumbuddy wen yu can an' du sumfin' gud.  Mos' speshully dont twip on da dawg!!!  Mama caws Vito da disvizibull dawg  an' wun ov deez dayz it aynt gonna be a happy oak cayshun.  So watch yer step, hewp udders, giv luv an' smilez, an laff.  An I wiww do my pawt to get doze laffs comin' agan.
Happy Noo Yeer Evrybuddy!!!  Now skyooz me cuz I gotta go owt!
Layter,
Arfur

Gettin' Eben

Mama an' Papa wented away an weft us wif da naybors.  Now we habbed a lot ov fun, but we cant tell dem dat. So we bin plannin' how to get eben.  Not a eezy fing wen da slabes ar on top ov fings.  No Fember habs bin a ruff munf so we did not wanna make fings worser.  It bin a yeer since owr cuzzin' an' frend Jess habs weft fer da bridge.  We tawk to her, but da peepulls dont no how so dey iz sad.  So we wated.  An' we wated.  Fanksgibbing came an' der wuz no speshul dinner...Papa an' Mama wented to Gramma's.  Hmmph.  Now, dis weekend, Mama made a turkey.  Yu cud smeww it eberyware.  I fink dey cud smeww it a cuppla towns away.  YUMMMMMM!!!  We cud not wate.  Mama choppeded an' peewed an' sturred an' simmered an' da howse wuz jus' unBAREable cuz it smewwed so gud.  Den it wuz owr dinner time - oboyoboyoboyoboy!!  Mama coms owt wif da dishes an' whut iz innit?  Owr kibble an' a widdle pees ov turkey libber.  Dats it.  No turkey, no stuffin', no taters.  We eeted owr dinner an' figgered Papa wud gib us stuffs at da table.  I sat by Mama az she cut up taters.  I wined an' cried but no deel.  Den dey satted down to eet an' letted us in da room an gess whut...nuffin'.  My tummy wuz sooooo wantin' sum turkey dinner. Awl we manidjed to get wuz a pees ov sweet tater..bedder dan nuffin' but not gud enuff!!  Okay.  After dinner, Mama habbed lots to cleen up.  She putted away awl da stuffs sept da turkey cuz she cud not cut it up yet...too hot.   Ooooooooooooooooooh.  She an' Papa wuz watchin' tv an da hole time I lade by da gate an' wined.......an' moaned.  My noze wud not fit under da gate but I twied.  Wen I stud up an wooked ober da gate...der wuz da turkey!!  Soooo close!!  O dat smeww!!  I cud taste it from far away.  Mama kep sayin' kwit cryin' Arfur but I cud not hewp myself.  Nuffin'  on dis erf smewws wike a yummy turkey...well, sept my Mama after she cukked it an' sliceded it - den SHE smewws wike turkey.  But I cant eet her - I wanna eet turkey!!  I fink I set a rekkerd fer winin'.  Howrs an' howrs went past until finely Mama cud not stand it enny mor.  She wented owt, cut it up, put in pwastic bags an' in da fridgerator.  GONE!!  It's GONE!!  I wanted it so bad.  But, az it turneded owt, not jus' me.  We habbed a viziter wast nite.  An' Mama sez whut iz da matter wif us - huntin' dawgs an' we dont make a peep.  Da bran noo garbidje can wuz on da grownd an' da bags wuz awl ober da yard - he did not open most ov dem cuzza da monya Mama puts in dem.  But whut a mess!!!  Den he bented da shepperds huks, emtied awl da pekker feeders ov fat - wifowt eben hurtin' dem - jus' popped em' open an' eeted.  But he did mash Mama's fayvorit feeder cuz she forgotted to bring it in cuz she wuz bizzy wif da turkey.   Papa sed he musta com cuzza da smeww ov da turkey.  I reelly fink he wuz rite abowt dat cuz my tummy still iz aykin' fer sum turkey.  Mebbee tonite.  Vito da in vizzibull dog cud twip her an' den we cud get sum.   Pweez!