Two firty alarm

 Evwybuddy wuz sweepin' wast nite.  Mama an' Papa wuz vewy tard an' feww asweep erly.  Mama sed she fot she wuz dweemin' but den az she woke up a widdle she fot, "Hu da heck's dawg iz woofin' at dis howr ov da nite??"  Az she opinned her peepers, she seed da owtside lite on. Uh-oh. She wooked...Papa wuz asweep, me wuz sweepin' on my Antie Angelika bed, an'...oh NOOOO!!!  "Vito!  It's VITO!  Gosh darnit its two firty in da mornin'!!!"  She gwabbed da fwash lite an' wimped down da steps.  Opins da dore - brrrrrRRRRR!!!  It's reeeellly code owt.  She starts yellin', "Vito!!  Get inside!"  Shines da lite arownd (cuz he iz divizibull) an' seez hiz shiny ieys.  "Get in heer rite NOW!" she sez.  Skyooz me bowt da bad punk chew wayshun.  Vito starts crunchin' hiz way to da howse, but haz a hard time wawkin' on da icy snow.  Mama cud heer evry step - crunch, crink, crunch.  An' finely he iz in.  But now Arfur, me, cums to save da day!!  I zoom owt da dore.  "Fer cryin' owt lowd!!!" sez Mama.  Shuvs Vito up da steps, opins da dore an' shines da lite.  I iz pikkin' my way down da yard wif my noze to da grownd.  Suddinly, it's wike a jiant hand gwabbed me an' puwwed me to ward da porch.  "COOKIEEE!"  Oh no!  Da madjik werd!!  It yanked me owt ov my trale an rite bak into da dore.  Der iz nuffin' so powerfuw!!  An' dere it wuz...da kukkie...sigh.   An' dere iz Mama madder dan a buzzy bee  an' sendin' me up da steps wif da kukkie in my mowf.  She gotted bak in bed but in a few minnits da owtside lite camed on agan.  Ok, now we ar clozed in da bedroom.  It be nun ov us. Whutebber it iz bedder luk owt cuz Mama iz on da warpaff.  Down da steps she goze wif uz lokked upstares.  Opins da dore, shines da lite...no shiny eyez enny place.  No crunchy feet.  Sheez finkin' dat dere wuz nun befor eever.  So do we teww her?  She gonna get madder.  No crunchies  if yer wawkin' in da street.  No shiny eyes cuzza da bushes.  She cheks on da Pippicat...she iz inside cuz it iz too cowd.  No bare...awl da feeders iz dere.  Not da deerz..da corn iz stiww dere.  No cars, no nuffin'.  Eben da littlest skwirrel makes a crunchy sownd...no footsteps.  Bak up da steps, Papa sez, "Bet its da man.  Da man wif da doggy wissull."  An' ya no whut?  He iz rite.  We bawk at him wen he wawks by at supper time - onwy him.  Why?  Cuz he teezes us an' Papa sez he habs a speshul wissull.  It hurts owr eerz.  Furst time at nite in a wong time, but gess whut?  Heez baaa-aak.
Betcha we gets wokked in da bedroom tonite.
Soon,
Arfur

La la la LA la la la...Mi mi mi MI mi mi meeee

Sins I gots Mama twapped in da howse wif da deep snoze, I bin pwacktissin my voyss.  Last week I got started cuz wen Vito an' me went owt in da yard, we seed a MONSTER under da back porch.  It wuz hyoodje an we habbed to wet Mama see it wuz dere.  So I WOOF WOOF WOOF-ED as wowd az I cud an she maked me com in side.  Wokked da doggy dore.  So I wined an' I skritched an' made her fink I reeeellly habbed to go owt.  Doggy dore open, me owt an' woofin' at da monster agan.  After abowt a zillyun times ov diss, Mama camed owt wif a lite an' lookeded, but dat monster hided so she cud not see it.  "BAD ARFUR!  WY YU WOOF AT NUFFIN!!"  IN DA HOWSE!!"  I gotted so much pwaktiss dat day dat I fot dis wud be a gud day to pwaktiss sum mor.  So I binn woofin' an Vito bin winin' an' we iz makin ' reelly gud myoozik.  But I dont fink Mama appreesheeaytes it too much.  She sez, "whutchoodoin' Arfur??  Huh??'  An' I jus' smile an' say 'AAARRRROOOO!!!"

Happy shuvvelin'. Da sno be over owr hineys here.

Arfur