A speshul Noo Yeer to Awl

I am shur yu fot I wuz gon agan, but fings hab bin bizzy an' a widdwe stranje heer.  But I cud not let da yeer end wifowt wishin' awl my frendz an' reeders  a berry Happy Noo Yeer.  We habbed a speshul holly day seezun dis yeer an it seems dat Mama finely habbed peas in her hart.  We came into Cwissmuss wif no sadness, no dark cwowd, no rezervayshuns.  It wuz trooly a day ov grattytood an' luv.

So heer I am...hi jakkin' my mama's typin' skills but wif very strickt instruckshuns to rite it da way I tole her.  No speww chek.  May yer yeer ahed be fuww ov smilez, warm fuzziez, an' gud fots.  May yer  harts be fuww ov laffter an' joy.  May yu find fayf an' heelin'.  Mos' ov awl, reech owt to sumbuddy wen yu can an' du sumfin' gud.  Mos' speshully dont twip on da dawg!!!  Mama caws Vito da disvizibull dawg  an' wun ov deez dayz it aynt gonna be a happy oak cayshun.  So watch yer step, hewp udders, giv luv an' smilez, an laff.  An I wiww do my pawt to get doze laffs comin' agan.
Happy Noo Yeer Evrybuddy!!!  Now skyooz me cuz I gotta go owt!
Layter,
Arfur

Gettin' Eben

Mama an' Papa wented away an weft us wif da naybors.  Now we habbed a lot ov fun, but we cant tell dem dat. So we bin plannin' how to get eben.  Not a eezy fing wen da slabes ar on top ov fings.  No Fember habs bin a ruff munf so we did not wanna make fings worser.  It bin a yeer since owr cuzzin' an' frend Jess habs weft fer da bridge.  We tawk to her, but da peepulls dont no how so dey iz sad.  So we wated.  An' we wated.  Fanksgibbing came an' der wuz no speshul dinner...Papa an' Mama wented to Gramma's.  Hmmph.  Now, dis weekend, Mama made a turkey.  Yu cud smeww it eberyware.  I fink dey cud smeww it a cuppla towns away.  YUMMMMMM!!!  We cud not wate.  Mama choppeded an' peewed an' sturred an' simmered an' da howse wuz jus' unBAREable cuz it smewwed so gud.  Den it wuz owr dinner time - oboyoboyoboyoboy!!  Mama coms owt wif da dishes an' whut iz innit?  Owr kibble an' a widdle pees ov turkey libber.  Dats it.  No turkey, no stuffin', no taters.  We eeted owr dinner an' figgered Papa wud gib us stuffs at da table.  I sat by Mama az she cut up taters.  I wined an' cried but no deel.  Den dey satted down to eet an' letted us in da room an gess whut...nuffin'.  My tummy wuz sooooo wantin' sum turkey dinner. Awl we manidjed to get wuz a pees ov sweet tater..bedder dan nuffin' but not gud enuff!!  Okay.  After dinner, Mama habbed lots to cleen up.  She putted away awl da stuffs sept da turkey cuz she cud not cut it up yet...too hot.   Ooooooooooooooooooh.  She an' Papa wuz watchin' tv an da hole time I lade by da gate an' wined.......an' moaned.  My noze wud not fit under da gate but I twied.  Wen I stud up an wooked ober da gate...der wuz da turkey!!  Soooo close!!  O dat smeww!!  I cud taste it from far away.  Mama kep sayin' kwit cryin' Arfur but I cud not hewp myself.  Nuffin'  on dis erf smewws wike a yummy turkey...well, sept my Mama after she cukked it an' sliceded it - den SHE smewws wike turkey.  But I cant eet her - I wanna eet turkey!!  I fink I set a rekkerd fer winin'.  Howrs an' howrs went past until finely Mama cud not stand it enny mor.  She wented owt, cut it up, put in pwastic bags an' in da fridgerator.  GONE!!  It's GONE!!  I wanted it so bad.  But, az it turneded owt, not jus' me.  We habbed a viziter wast nite.  An' Mama sez whut iz da matter wif us - huntin' dawgs an' we dont make a peep.  Da bran noo garbidje can wuz on da grownd an' da bags wuz awl ober da yard - he did not open most ov dem cuzza da monya Mama puts in dem.  But whut a mess!!!  Den he bented da shepperds huks, emtied awl da pekker feeders ov fat - wifowt eben hurtin' dem - jus' popped em' open an' eeted.  But he did mash Mama's fayvorit feeder cuz she forgotted to bring it in cuz she wuz bizzy wif da turkey.   Papa sed he musta com cuzza da smeww ov da turkey.  I reelly fink he wuz rite abowt dat cuz my tummy still iz aykin' fer sum turkey.  Mebbee tonite.  Vito da in vizzibull dog cud twip her an' den we cud get sum.   Pweez!

Fawl iz heer

Fawl iz heer an' Vito an' me luv leef hoppin' an' collecktin' nuts ov evry kind.  Vito bin puttin' dem under my bed!  But werse dan dat, he steeled my bed dat Antie Anjellyka made dat he nebber eben looked at till now.  Den I have to go chooz frum wun ov da udder beds.  How menny yu ask?  Der be free in da bedroom wif Mama an' Papa plus da big bed ware dey sleep.  But I wikes MY bed!  Vito takes it, den wen I go to sleep, he moovs into da big bed wif da peepulls.  I only get it bak if I happin to wake up  durin' da nite witch duz not happin a wot.

Mama an' Papa bin at da traktor show so we bin alone cuz we cant go wif dem unless Mama takes her car an' dey onwy had da truk to pull Big Red.   So to treet us dis mornin', Mama made panny cakes an' snausadjes.  Now, no buddy shared dere snausadje wif us, but we always get panny cakes.  YUM!  Whelp, Papa gotted up to get sumfin' an' I sneekeded up to steel frum hiz plate.  No buddy wuz eben LOOKIN' at me but day bofe sed "Arfur!!  Get DOWN!!"  Mama sez I get twipped up by da "Arfur warnin' sistem", cuz ebery time, no madder how hard I try not to, ebery singull time I stand up on my bak wegs to steel, my hiney toots!  Iz dere a way to stop dis??  Ennybuddy?  It makes me get cawt ebery time!

 Whelp, owt to play leef hoppers wif Vito!  Whut a gwate day!
You gotsta heer da story nex' time ov da stwange nite smeww...BWAHAHAHAHA!!
Later,
Arfur

Playin' ketchup

So much habs bin goin' on dat I wish i habbed widdler paws so I cud type.  Mama iz gonna install Draggin so mebbe I cud teww da 'puter whut to rite - but wiww it under stand bassetese?  Ennywayz, I did not get much sweep wast nite.  Furst, Mama coffed an' coffed fer a wile, den dere wuz a noyzy vee hikkle goin' up an' down da street.  Now, furst, Mama wuz gonna caww da poleesmens cuz it wuz abowt middlenite.  Den she fot ov sendin' in da troops!  Yep, me an Vito ar da troops an' we wud woof at dat raskle until he went away.  HOWEBBER, Vito wuz so sownd asweep dat Mama cud not wake him...NOT ME!  I wuz awake, just restin' my ize.  Mama onwy fot I wuz sweepin' too. Ennywayz da nasty pawson finely must gotted tired ov bein' a pest an' went home.
Mama gotted up at nite an' fownd part ov Vito's noo colleckshun.  Dis time it iz not stinkybugs, not woolly bares, not stiks, nope none ov doze fings.  Dey iz hikkery nuts.  He  musta dropped wun on da steps an Mama gots a nasty brooz, too.  But dats ok, she iz fine now.  Ooops gotta go papa;s home!  Wooof!
later,
Arfur

Rodes, cars, 'n' basset wuvvers

AAAaaahhhhroooo!!  Arfur here wif wots ov nooz.  O, wook!  Dey iz payntin' da linez on owr rode!  Dey jus' finnished da middle an' dere ar zillyuns ov widdle cones along da line. Nex' dey wiww paynt da lines onda edjiz ober da weeds an' ded possums an' stuff...wike normal.  I wunder if dey wiww wemember to com bak fer da widdle cones?  Wast time, dey wuz in such a hurry to get to da wocal pub dat dey fergotted dem an' dey wuz in da rode fer free dayz - wun, too, free.  I gess after dwinkin' at da pub dey did not wemember dat dey weft dem dere.  BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

O now I wemember whut I wuz gonna rite - got d'strackteded by da line payntin' menz.  Furst, I gotta teww yu whut Mama's car wooks wike.  It iz owd, (Vito sez o-l-d) wite, an' cuvvered wif basset magnets - sum reelly gud wuns!  She eben haz sum dat arn't on it yet.  Not da car yer normul peepull wud dwive.  A cuppla dayz ago, a man  at da gas stayshun Mama goze to, jumpeded into a wady's car, puwwed a nife, an' sed he wud kiww her if she did not take him ware he wanted to go.  I hav to beweev it wuz a gway toy yoda or sumfin' wike dat whut wud bwend in.  Da lady skweemed weelly weelly lowd an' da man jumpeded owt an' ran but gotted cawt.  Der iz no chance dat ennybuddy wud take Mama's car wike dat.  Furst ov awl it iz abowt az vizibull az a pig in a pizza parler.  Secund, Mama iz daynjeruss!!  Reelly, she iz!  I wud not want to tangull wif her cuz furst she wud hurt him, den she wud skweem, den she wud cawl wun ov her fwendz on da poleesse to put him in jayl.  But furst ov awl, no way wud he chooz her car.  Reelly.

An' gess whut my wakky mama did?  She an' Papa wer dwivin' neer PetsMart wun nite an Papa spotted a man wif 2 basset hounds.  He turned into da parkin' wot (so Mama cud see da bassets), drove up to da man so he habbed him in hiz hed wites, den Mama jumpeded owt an' ran up to see dem.  Da man sorta bakked up a widdle an' cleerly wundered ware dis cwazy womin camed frum.  Mama tode him she wuvs bassets an' habs 2 an' habs hewped reskew fer firteen yeerz.  He wooked reweeved an' tole her he wuz from Florry Duh an' dat wun ov da bassies wuz a reskew.  I fink he wuz reddy to run, reelly.  I awso fink he wuz toe tully releeved wen Mama gotted bak in da truk.  He den twied to hurry to da dore ov da PetsMart az fast az he cud wif wun basset doin' a fwat basset an' wun pullin' da udder way.  Hehehe..did not get too far.  Dat wuz wun seeryuss fwat basset!  Hahahaha!
Till nex' time
Arfur

Y Mama shud take us shoppin'

Mama wuz runnin' awownd wookin' fer sumfin' in a bunch ov stors da udder day.  She almos' awwayz coms home wownd up wike a - hmmm....dont no whut - enny wayz awl nerbuss.  Furst ov awl she hates shoppin', secund it mostwy izn't fer her.  But dis time she bwoke her own rool an' went in a stor she nebber goze to.  Shudda taked us to bwake da ice.  She wuz wookin' in da kitchin suppwize fer a meat rak  (sumfin' she sez must be egg stinks).  Dis wady coms by awl dwessed in fansy pants wif a zillyun doller stroler wif a baby in a owtfit dat costed mor dan Mama's car an' she wuz winin' to da clerk dat she cud not find - get dis - fyool fer a spensive match dat lites uh, lets see, fuds on fyre.  Now furst ov awl - hu wud lite fud on fyre to eet it??  Be sides da poynt - ennyway Mama sed her noze wuz stuk to her eye bwowz!  Mama sed she eben wuz shur her poopies did not smeww (she werded it sum udder way).  Da pore lady frum da store sed dey did not seww ennyfing wike dat dere (eben doe der iz a Star Bucks coffee pwace in dat store!).  Da lady wawked owt acktin' wike ebry buddy dere habbed coodies.   Now, if Mama habbed us wif her, we wudda woosened her up wif a widdle warm drool an' kisseded her baby an' ebryfing an' den mebbee she wud hab bin fwendwier, ya fink?  An' we wudda made shur her wud smeww bedder, too...mor wike Mama  ;)
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  Onwy wun fing rong...dat stor dont wet doggies innit.  Its not cwassy wike PetsMart or da feed stor.  Yu meet a bedder cwass ov peepullz in doze stors, rite?

Arfur

Sum fings puzzel me

Mama commed home a widdle wile ago an' she habbed me puzzled.

She wuz goin on an' on abowt sum clown dwivin' a peese ov cwap down da rode an' ya no whut?  He went to da Dizneywand skool ov drivin'!

How kool iz dat?   But I did not fink it wuz time fer twik or tweet yet.  An we iz not neer a sircuss.  He habbed to go reelly far away lern to dwive, didn't he? Don't fink dere iz no Dizneywand awownd heer.  I fot it sownded so neet, but wy wuz Mama so mad?  Her eerz wuz steemin' an' her eyzes wuz red an' she sat down rite away and petted us sort ov fast.  Mebbee hims big feet got in da way an' made him dwive bad.  Or mebbee he wuz jus' bein' funny - wike a clown! I hope I get to see a clown dwivin' sum day.  An mebbee he wiww hav seventeen billyun frends in da car wif him!  Whut fun!

Bakin' my cold bones in da sunshine,
Arfur

Whew! Am I lukky!

I skaped a terrubbel fate wast nite but Vito wuz not so lukky.  Furst let me say if yu fink "dat's rude", "he gots no tayst","ewww" - whelp yer rite.  I am a dog.  I tell it wike it iz.

Evry nite, I sleep in  my doggy bed dat wuz made by Antie Angel(I shud stop der dats whut she iz)ika.  It iz so cozy an' I do not get oberheeted.  Now, Vito sweeps in da big bed wif Mama an' Papa.  Sumtimes he sweeps on top ov da cuvvers an' dey spend da hole nite tryin' to pull da cuvvers cuz he hogs dem an' wen he iz asweep he feels wike a hippy pottymuss holdin' down doze blankies.  Udder nites, wike wast nite, he sleeps under da cuvvers.  Sumtimes at da bottom ov da bed owt ov harms way, an' sumtimes he gets rite between Mama an' Papa - a stoopid moov.  Now furst yu gots to heer dat Vito kin sweep fru ennyfing.  He sweeps wike a rok.  Nuffin' wakes him up (speshully Mama or Papa tryin' to get him to moov).

Now I kin say awmost nuffin' wakes Vito.  Da room wuz kwiet an' evrybuddy wuz sownd asweep ('sept me cuz it wuz my watch).  I wuz snuggled in my bed, Papa wuz gentwy snorin', Vito wuz tukked under da cuvvers, an' Mama wuz kwietly sweepin', too.  Suddenwy I heered a widdle "pffffpffuff!"  Nex' fing I new, Vito pops up an' shakes hiz hed ober an' ober.  "Fwapawapawappa!  Fwapawapawappa!" "SNORT!"  Den he turns awownd an' puts hims hed by Papa (he had had hims chin on Mama's butt) an' afore he settled, he shaked hims hed agan.  Wet me tell yu, it made MY eyez wadder an' I hadda burry my noze in da blankies, so it must hav reelly skunked Vito!  Papa an' Mama slep fru da hole fing.  But we iz pritty shur da culprit wuz Mama.  She habbed too much fwax seeds wif bwekfist, den Papa taked her to Bugger King fer lunch an' rooned her conjestchun.  Da result wuz a tocksik clowd ov tewwibull  gas.  Vito iz stoopid if he sweeps under dere agan.  Nex' time it cud be werse...it cud be Papa!!  Whew!!

Later,
Arfur























1

My brudder da br - ,er, I meen my frend

Vito iz a wot ov fings.  He iz a gud resseller, he pways gud tag (cuz he wets me win), he iz a feef cuz I gotsta steel bak awl my toyz, he iz a taddle tale, he iz da yard patrol - duz da perrim-, uh, parim-...no wets see..he wawks da hole fense evry nite an' evry time he goze owt.  He iz a terrubble katch so I awwayz gets xtra tweets (cwazy kid twize too hard an' dey bownse rite owt ov hims mowf).  He habs a big big  reelly BIG woof dat sownz wike it iz frum a gwate dane.  No, I take dat bak - da gwate dane habs a liddler woof dan Vito.  He iz stoopid cuz he goze after dat widdwe wed lite Mama haz, he finks dat fings drop on da flore wen she puts dem in a bag, an' he AWWAYZ fawls fer da fake "I frew yer toy" trik.  But whut iz reelly neet, he iz lernin' to tawk peepull tawk frum me.  I tawk to Mama an' Papa awl da time.  I say fings soft, I have infeckshin - wate - Mama sez dere iz a "l" in dat werd,.,,infweckshlin?  Duz not sownd rite to me.  Enny  wayz, I wuvs to snuggle an' teww my storiez to dem wen dey iz relaxin' or wen dey iz rubbin' mine belly (cuz den I cant shut up hehehe).  Vito haz lerned a widdle bit and he haz dun it diffrent.  He tawks wen he wants sumfin' - a cukkie, a dwink, a toy, a snuggle...da widdwe sneek!  Himz is gettin' priddy gud at it too.  Now Mama sez, insted ov Arfur tawks so cute, she sez, "AWWWWWWWW  wissen to Vito askin fer a cukkie.  He tawks jus' wike Arfur!"  Da widdwe skunk iz waynin' on my pawrade.  He iz steelin' my funder.  He iz gettin MY attenshun!!!  Now I gotsta lern to make werds.  I kin sownd wike a peepull tawkin', but I don't hab werds.  So I gotta lern to make werds an' den I wiww sho dat widdle koppy kat!

Wate!  Its time fer owr ressellin match.  Its my turn to put my chin on YER bak, Vito...no no  - I start dis time.  Aw fooey, I gonna beet yu ennyway so go ahed...

Till nex time
Arfur

Ware do I begin???

Fings bin weerd here.  Mama bin wike a zombie  dat duz not eet peeplez but iz frozed.  Awl she duz iz werk at washin' fings or do nuffin.  So whut a sprize wen she goze cwazy on us.  She commed home frum da store an' boy iz she in a mud! (Nonono not da durt kind - da feelinz kind dat rimes wif fud). "Whut iz rong wif dis town?", she sez, "how kin dey cawl doze mens rode fixers wen dey dont fix da rodes???"  "Dey drive past fiffty zillyun holes to fill wun widdle hole - whut iz wiff dat???!!"  "How duz dey keep a job?"  Duz not dere bosses notiss?"  "HEY!  I pay dere munnies - duz not enny buddy else notiss??"  Boy she wuz steemin'.

Deep breff...

OKey dokey  den its da shurts agan.  Mama wuz warin' wun ov Antie Angelika's shurts dat sez "evry WOOF cownts".  Now ebrybuddy unnerstanz da "basset eyzd wun, rite?  But leev it to Mama to find da only hyoomans on erf dat dont get it.  She goze to da Rushin' gas stayshun  an' da man not speek reel gud inglish wike me.  He wooks at her shurt - huh??  Whut dat meen?  wif a reel nuzzled wook on hims fayse.  Sheesh.  Whut a dummy.  Eben me gets dat wun.  

Stiww goin' heer - watts to say -
Mama sez awl yu ladies whut ar alone dere iz a salooshun.  Go to da Slobber Shoppy, order da basset fayse shurt - a purty bwown  wif ABC on da sleev an' da basset habs reelly big peepers wike me.  Ackshully, I teww awl my frenz it iz me (hehehe) cuz Papa sez I gots da biggest hed he ebber seed on a basset.  Den,
after yu get da shurt, jus' ware it.  Menz wuv it.  Toe tull strays com up to Mama an' say stoopid fings wike "I'd wike to feed yer dog" (ugh kin yu beweev dat?)  "Kin I pet yer dog?"  "I wuv dat shurt - reewy wike beegulls" (humph- dey ar dum but dey ar tryin;"  Papa finks it iz funny.  He sez he wants her to ware a pin dat sez "NO PETTIN AWOWWED".  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Peepull ar so funny!

I gots more, but savin' it fer to moro.  I smeww piggies in bwankets...........
Later,
Arfur

Hewp! I'm droolin' an' I cant stop!!

Today Mama habbed to see da doktor an' she lefted reel erly in da mornin'.  To keep us happy, she awlways leevs on da TV fer us to watch.  Dis time she put on GAC witch iz most times myoozic.  BIG MISTEAK!!  It wuz myoozik wen she left.  How ebber, rite after dat it wuz cukkin' shoze wif awl kinds ov fud...it wuz torcher.  We tried to cuvver owr eerz, but hey, basset ears ar big.  We cud awlmost smeww dat yummy fud cukkin'.  Iz Mama tryin' to punnish us fer bein' nawty yesterday?   Or did she reelly not no whut wuz gonna be playin'?  I am stiww droolin' an' cannot stop - oh, da burgerz an' chikkie an' dat big stake da lady tawked abowt - I can see dem...smeww dem, crave dem!! An' I gotta wate till supper time!! O my poor tummy!  How kin I nap wif it growlin' so lowd?
Off to pway wif Vito - mebbee it wiww take my mind offa  fud -
Arfur

My fayvrit moovie

Vito an' me bin watchin' Mama's deeveedeez wen she goze owt.  We  seed  funny moovies, sad moovies, essitin' moovies an' ole tv shoze.  We wike Hairy Pawter da bestest.   Dat way we gots a bunch ov moovies dat ar essitin', pwitty, funny, an skerry, too.  Best ov awl, Hairy habs a scar on hims hed jus' wike Mama's.  Now dat her patch fingy iz off, she wooks jus' wike Hairy - speshully wen she habs her gwasses on.  Ok, so sheez a widdle bigger  (OK, a LOT bigger), iz a gurl, and iz WAY older dan him, but she habs da same mark on her hed, so she must  hav fot dat eevil monster, too,  I'm purty shur she wun.  Da only monster rownd heer iz whutebber iz owt dere in da dark at nite.  I heerd him.  But it smewws mor like a bare or a wackoon  to me.  Fank gudness.  Mama sez moovies is pwetend.  I shur hope sheez rite.  Vito falls asleep on gard watch.
Later,
Arfur

Whut iz up?

Kant figger owt whut iz goin on wif Mama an' shurts.  She gots lots ov basset shurts frum reskyews awl ober da USA.  But dis last wun luks wike a Jinormuss Basset Fayse.  Its got big peepers an a hyoodje noze - eben bigger dan mine (an' I gots a big ol' noze!)  She goze in da store an' a man sez dat shurt makes him wanna feed dat doggy.  Den she goze to a park wif it an' a man sez it makes him wanna pet da doggy.  Now, dont teww Mama, but she iz not a liddle pawson an' her, um, shape makes dat doggy's eyez, um, stand owt, if yu get my dwift.  She sez she wants to get a big ol sine to ware dat sez DO NOT PET DA DOG, YOU HOWNDDOG!  HANZ OFF!  But wiww she stop warin' it?  NO WAY!  She luvs dat shurt - da pitcher, da culler, an' it sez ABC Basset Reskew on it, too!  She finks it makes her seem - no - makes her FEEL liddler.  Mebbee sheez a widdle nuts but sheez my mama an' I luv her ennyway.
Now I gotta go twy an nudder bole ov a noo food sheez tryin' Castor oil an' Smallpox Sammin, I fink it iz.
Layter,
Arfur

Karefull wen yu beg - reelly

At bwekfist on dis day, I  sat rite nex to Papa like I awlways do.  Ebery now an' den, he gibs me sumfin' reelly gud - wike bakin or toste or eben a waffull.  Sumtimes he gibs me sum eggy, too.   (Rubbing head on rug...) How ebber...I fink I gotted too close dis time.   (Scratching ear and rubbing head on tablecloth,,,) Papa wuz fixin' hiz baygull dat he habbed Mama cuk in da pan wif budder after she tosted hers inna toster.  I gotted in reeeeeellllyyy close to see if I cud steel a bite an'.....YUKKKK!!!!  Whut wuz dat???  Sumfin' wuz on my hed dat wuz hevvy an' stikky!  Papa jumpeded up an' gotted a wet towl an' rubbed me, but it did not awl leev!  ICK!  He tole Mama "Arfur habs hunny on hims hed."  Hay!  duz dat meen dat beez are gonna luv me?  NO WAY!!!  I don't wanna luv no beez!  (Running around the rug dragging his head...) I nebber fot I wud say dis, but, "Mama!!  Gib me a baff!!"  Whut do yu meen yu gots no time now?   I wanna baff!  WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!  Take dis hunny offa mine hed!  Wate!  Wuz dat a fly??  NO NO NO - go away fly!  Shoo!!  SHOO!!
I goin' owt da doggy dore to see if gwass wiww take dis offa my hed...or mebbee da doggy pool.

Later,
Arfur

Funny shurt - silly lady

Mama wuz at da fud stor in da mornin' an' she wuz gettin' a widdle nerbuss cuz a lady wuz followin' her awl ober da stor.  She pwetended not to noetiss, but wen she went to pay, da laydy came up to her.  Now Mama wuz warin' wun ov her fayvorit shurts frum Elvis.  Da laydy sez to Mama - "I bin tryin' to reed dat shurt.  I am standin' rite heer an' I stiww cant reed it.  Whut duz it say?"  Mama cud not hewp but chukkle.  It wuz da shurt dat sez, "Ar yu Basset-ized yet?"  Wen she tole da lady, she stiww did not get it.  Mama jus' sed she habs Basset hownds.  An' she laffed awl da way home. An' gess whut??  She gibbed us a cukkie jus' bee cuz.  Now she iz cuttin' owr grasses so we don't hab to pee inside da dore (not me...dats Vito! Hims hangs lower dan me an' he HATES da tikkly grasses!)  Hab a gud weekend.  We mite go to see Doc at da Chatterbox- gots owr pawsys crossed ennyway.

Later,

Arfur

       Doze twesspassers

Gardin' owr spase

 Mama habs steem comin' from her eers an' her noze an' her mowf.  She jus' dwagged us into da howse from OWR yard.  Happinned wike dis:

Vito an' me wuz mindin' owr own bizness, sniffin' da grasses, peein' on bushes, nokkin' down da lilly pwants - layin' in da sunshine - a normal day.  Awl ov a suddin, Vito's noze starts twitchin', wigglin', an' snortin' --- he iz onto sumfin'.  I lift my noze owt ov a speshully fwaygwant pile ov...nebber mind...an' I joyn him sniffin'.  Yep, der iz a twesspasser in owr space.  LOOK!  Its TOO twesspassers an' dey ar taller dan us an' ar bwown wif spots on dere baks!!  WOOF!!!  WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!!!  Gotsta let owr Mama see dat  sumfin' iz rong!!  WOOOFF!!!  AAARRRROOOOOFF!!

Whelp, Mama coms steemin' owta da dore, gwabs us by owr collers an' keeps sayin' KWIET!! SSHHH!!!  Stop it, yu 2!!!  Doze ar babies - leev dem alone!!  Der mama iz eetin' in da front yard!!!  SHHHHHH!!!!  BAD BOYS!  KWIET!!  Doze babies is hidin' from daynjer!

But Mama, dey iz in owr bushes!!  Dey iz in owr yard!  TWESPASSERS!!

An' wif dat, she dwagged us in da dore an' clozed da doggy dore an' made us take a nappy. Patooey!  Babies!  Dey looked pwitty big to me!
Later,
ARfur

Ware's my swimmies?

I wuz mindin' my own bizness  an' habbin' a reelly nice nap wen naychur cawled.  I opinned my eyez an' seed it wuz sorta sunny, so I hopped down frum my chare an' hedded fer da doggy dore.  WHOA!!!  I hadda go get Mama cuz da doggy dore wuz across a pond!  Did it rane in heer?  Woof!  Hay Mama!  Woof! Woof!  Woof!  Mama commed to see whut I wuz tellin' her an' she looked soooo sad!  Her lukked sadder dan owr late brudder Hugo hu had da saddest fase ov ennybuddy ebber!  An' gess whut it wuz!!  C'mon!  Gess!  Da washer masheen peed awl ober free rooms!   Yep, Free ov dem, wun, too, free!  Mama dragged fings owta da big slidy dore an' den mopped, an' mopped, an' froo fings owt all day long.  It's still a widdle wet, but at leest she gotted it so we cud get owt da doggy dore to warn da naybors.  But we sed bye bye to wun doggy bed dat cant be washed, a bunch ov rugs dat we didnt wike much enny way, an' da wurst fing we sed bye bye to wuz owr afternoon NAP!  How cud we get owr nappy wen Mama iz goin' bak an' forf  moppin', draggin', tossin' stuff, moppin' sum mor, in an' owta dat big slidy dore awl day long.  Den she fixeded whut wuz rong wif da bad ol' washer masheen...da drane pipe gotted owt sumhow  an' till Papa kin fix it, she taked a hanger an' tied it up so she cud spin owt awl da towls dat she sopped up wadder wif.  I tell ya dere iz nebber a dull day at owr howse.  Now Mama gotta go get da spidey bite seed agan by da vetman fer peepulls cuz she iz sorta tired ov da big ol' bandidje on her hed.  It will be awlmost a mumf sinse she gotted bit.  Whelp, itz time fer my mornin' nappy...
Later -
Arfur

Da cake story

Ok, bak to da day Mama gotted bit.  It wuz Papa's Antie Dee's burfday an' dey awl went owt to eet, to da traktor puwws, an' to a sho.  Mama habbed bot a pwitty burfday cake an' putted it in da trunk ov da car.   BUTT!!!  Day ate so much day cud not eet da cake.  Day habbed chikkie bar b q, ice cweem, awl kindsa guddies so dey wuz stuffed!  So Mama taked home da cake an' lefted it in da car.  Meentime, it tipped an' slid to awl wun side ov da box.
Now, along coms Papa.  Gets da cake owt ov da trunk, tips it to moov it bak to da middle, but...
Yu gessed it.  Furst it mushed da rong way.  Den, az he camed into da kitchin, he dwopped it.  Now it wuz REELLY smooshed!  No buddy but Papa wuz gonna eet dat cake. No mor pritty roze on top, no mor fancy topping...mooshed!
An' no buddy ebber sed ennyfing abowt it enny mor.  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  But Vito an' me gotted to lik da plate!  hehehe...

No wun cud make dis up

Ware to start?  Hmm..Ok.  Furst, Vito an' me wuz naggin' Mama to cut owr grass cuz it wuz tikklin' ware it shud not tikkle.  So owt she went to cut dem an' den get reddy to go owt.  Now in da mornin' she habbed bin to da dr. hu gaved her stuffs cuz she haz azma.  She wuz awl reddy an' went an' cutted doze grasses.  Some time wile she wuz mowin  she gotted bit by sumfin' - she fot it wuz a bee.  She goed owt wif Papa an' frendz dat nite an' came bak wif a big ol' egg on her hed.  Now after a zillyun doktor vizits an' awl kindsa medissins, she iz finilly gettin' bedder cuz dey figgered owt it wuz no bee.  It wuz a spyder.   Now Mama HATES spiders an' da thot ov wun on her fase still iz givin' her da creeps, but  she must brusheded it off after goin' under a tree an' wen she did dat, it bited her..  It swelled up her hed, her eye, her fase wuz funny feelin', her eye gotted a feckshun, she did not luk gud at awl.  Ackshully, Frankenstine coms to mind...Vito an' me seed da moovie.  She is startin' to luk mor like Mama agan, thank gudness.   But still dere iz eye medissin, hed meddisin, big hyoodje bandades, let me tell ya, it iz pritty groosum.  At leest she iz leevin' us alone - no baffs, or no udder stuffs cuz she hazta fix herself furst.  She tried to do bofe, but den her hed wud hurt, so we gotted offa da hook.  Whew!  But pritty soon sheel be bak to da ole rooteen an' den it's bak gettin' awl dat attenshun - gud an' bad.  But hey!  She gotted us reel big cukkies to make us feel not neg leckted an' I kin liv wif dat!
Later,
ARfur

Skerry Day at da Doggy Wash

Mama gotted me in da car wifowt Vito.  Not a gud sine.  I wuz pwitty shur it wuz a twip to da vetman.  Wen we stopped an' got owt, it smewwed wike da vet.  Uh-oh.  I sniffed arownd an' went away frum da dore.  Mama dwagged me in.  I cud heer a fella in da bak yellin' "Hewp me!  Get my mommy!  Wet me owt ov heer!!" over and over again.  He wuz in a cwate.  Did not wuk gud.   A lady came owt an' wuz reelly nice to me an' skritched my eers as she skooted me up a ramp. WATE!!  Whut iz DISS?? I am in a big shiny box! She taked my coller an' leesh an' putted a fing arownd my nek.  Den she sed sum stuff to Mama an' lefted us alone.  Mama wuz happy an' turned on a wadder fawsit.  She  she gotted me awl wet, den skwirted sum stinky stuff awl over me!  YUK!!  She rubbed me awl over an' taked a rubber fingy an' skrubbed me  awl over.  Den she eben lifted up my tale!!!  WHOA!!  Hozed me off, den did da hole fing over agan.  Dis time she skrubbed my gukky eer tips an' dat un menshunibble  spot under my tale.   OWCH!  Dat's my hiney yer skrubbin'!!  Da rinsin' iz not too bad -ok.  Now sheez got a kennel cloff.  Whut, no towl?  She rubbeded me awl ober an' kep' skweezin' it den rubbin' sum more.  Wow - awlmos' dry.  Now she gots a towl.  Mmmm...feels gud.   WATE!!!  Whut iz dat noyz????  ITS A SUKKY MASHEEN WIKE AT HOME!!!  EEEEEEEEKKK!!  HUH??? Its not sukkin' me up.  It's blowin' wike da wind.   Its tryna fool me into finkin' it won't get me!!  Help!  I wanna go home!!  Whew, Mama seems to get it.  Sheez stoppin' da monster masheen.  She tawked to da lady den we gots in da car.   Nex' stop - da doggy store!  YES!!  I see  a HYOODJE bone watin' rite dere fer me!  Ooops.  Not fer me.  Mama sez no, den sum ladies com over wif cukkies an' pets.  Not bad. Got enny more?   Mama gotted doggy fud, den we goed home.  She went owt an' did not com home fer a long long time. Gud fing...I needed a nappy.  Layter, we herd da story ov how da car wud not bring her home, but Daddy's fwend brot her an' da doggy fud - o yeah an' da peeple fud - home.  Gud fing!  We wuz reelly hungry by den!  I fink mor stuff happinned layter cuz da 2 legged brudder came to hewp owr dad an' mom get da car an' den dey wuz gon agan fer a long time.  Better ask her fer da rest.  Dey commed home reeeellly draggin'.  Dey don't hab da zip dat us doggies hav.  Ya no?
Hey, I fink she gotted us buwwy stiks - I'll tell ya layter.
ARfur

Da Mistery of da indore doggy

I gots so much to rite abowt.   Mama bin weezy an' now iz puffin' on a widdle pipe...ackshully 2 ov dem.  Cuz of dis, she iz not owtside or doin' ennyfing an' iz totully un interestin'.  She iz so owt ov it, it taked weeks fer her to figger owt da mistery.  So heer it iz...

After bein' reelly gud boyz fer a long long time, Vito awl of a sudden wud not go owt.  He wud do ennyfing to keep frum goin' owtta da dore.  Mama habs bin gettin' reelly upset wif him an' tired ov cleenin' up after him bofe on da porch an' in da howse.  Cawz of him we bofe gotted  no biskits, no tweets an' sumtimes lokked owtside fer ten hole minnits!!   Non ov dis werked.  Dis day, Mama went owtside (fer da nikzillyunth time) to pooper skoop.  Awl of a suddin, she sez, DATS IT!!!!!  DATS Y VITO IZ DOIN' DISS!!!!  A liddul lite camed on in her hed.  Da hikkery tree iz droppin' nuts wike crazy fer da furst time in YEEERS!.  Vito musta gotted whapped by a nut an' he fot sumfin wuz attakkin' him.  Probly mor dan wun time.  Da rezult iz cleer...he wud not go owt.  Mama finully putted da clooz togevver an' figgered it owt.
Yippee!  She iz re- traynin' him wif treets (we bofe get dem - YES!) an' he iz goin' owt wunce more.

Now, fer a liddle toot on my own horn.  Dis ole boy iz lernin' noo twiks.  Furst, I goze under Papa's chare in da kitchin an' givs him "da look".  Werks evry time fer a snak.

Den, last nite, Vito wuz upstares gardin' da steps an' wud not let me up.  Mama wuz not dere to hewp me, bein' bizzy in da water tub.  So, I jumped up wif a woof, ran to da frunt dore an' bawked an' bawked, den ran bak an' forf wike sum buddy wuz at da dore.  Pwedicktabwy, Vito camed runnin' to woof.  Me?  I went up da stares an' taked da gardin' spot to keep him frum comin' bak up.  Whut a dummy.  He felled fer it :).  I get bedder awl da time.   hehehe...
Keep cool.
Arfur (stwetched owt in frunt ov da cold ayr blower)

Life iz GUD!

I am feelin' so much bedder.  Now dat my lippy iz feelin' gud, I kin tell da res' ov my story.  It awl start  bak las' week wen I kep shakin' my eers cuz dey felt funny.  Owr vetman wuz on vay kayshun, so Mama taked me to da udder vet hu iz a subbish toot. I fink I tol' part ov dis story, but did I tell da bestess part?  Furst a lady gibbed me sum kookies.  De she putted em on a shelf ware I cud see dem. I wawked arownd to see if I cud get dem, an' eben got up on a widdle step, but it wuz too far.  Den da lady came bak wif a nudder lady an' dey gibbed me a cupple more kookies an' put da bag bak on dat shelf.  I did not care dat she wuz dere, I got on da step to see if - whoa!  It's moovin'!  Up  da shelf came an' da bag gotted neerer an' neerer - mebby I cud ackshully reech it now...den, wham!  Da lady wuz a vetlady an' she got between me an' da bag.  Den she feeled me awl ober.  I meen evry place awl ober me.  Den she sed, "gotta go to da vetman az soon az possybul."  An' dat wuz dat. She skweezed sum gunk in my eer an' sended me home.

Den we gode to da reel vetman on Wedzday.  I tried vewy hard to not go, but Mama habbed a leesh.  Da nex' fing I fot ov, wuz wy am I so sleepy?  An' ware iz Mama?   Wow!  heer she iz.  Fer a cupple dayz I eeted mush, but now Its ok.  My mowf iz werkin' gud.  Less drool, no stinky, still a widdle owchy, but not much.  An' my lip  duz not hab a nasty fing under it enny mor. I iz feelin' GUD!  Musta bin dat nappy dat I tuk at da vetman's.  Mama sez my eyz still wook sorta funny, but hey!  Da bestess fing iz dat 2 times a day I get cweem cheez!  I WUV cweem cheez!   (Mama twied peenutty budder, but it gwooed my wips togevver!)  Yep, life iz gud.  Now if only Mama getted da grass cutted in da bak yard.  It tikkles my tummy an' I HATE dat!
Till nex time,
Arfur

Da Vet Bizzit

I cud not eet.  I cud not dwink.  I twied to 'skape.  I did not.

Dey cleend my teef an' I habbed surjerry. Tell ya layter...zzzzzzzzzzzzzz....ZZZZZZZZZ....

Noo goins on

Startin on Fadders Day, Mama seen dat dere wuz sumfin' da matter wif my eer.  I gess it woked her up wen I shaked it awl nite.  She twapped me an' putted dat bloo stuff in mine eer an' den she did it at nite, da nex' day an' da nex' nite.  She tryed to get da vetman, but he iz away.  Finely, she cawled da altered nit vet an' den she taked me dere.  I wuz not a happy fella.  Az soon as we got owt ov da car, I wuz shur it wuz a vetman's playss.  She dwagged me into da dore an' we sat an' wayted.  It wuz sorta a nice playss wif big hi beems an' a fire playss, doggy piwwows an' doggy art eberyware, an' sorta frendly peeples at da big desk.  Suddenly a dore came opin an' day cawled "ARFUR".   Uh-oh...dat's me.  Mama gotted me goin' froo da dore an' den dere we wuz - wif a lady wif a bag o' cookies!!  Hmmm...dis mite not be too bad.  She gibbed me a cupple ov dem an' den putted da bag on a shelf ware I cud see dem.  In between wuz a liddle step.  She left an' I wawked arownd, got on da step an' chekked owt how far a jump it wud be to get doze cukkies.  Too far.  I chekked it a fyoo times, but cud not figger owt how to get dere frum heer.  Den da lady camed bak wif an nudder lady.  I givved dem my he-man growl an' she leend on da shelf an' gotted me a cukkie.  I givved her an nudder growl, but she wuz onto me.  Awlso, doze cukkies tasted gud. She petted me an' tawked to Mama an' den I climed on da step.   Veeerrrrrryyyyyy sllloooowwwwlllyyy it wented up.  Now Mama fot I wud get nervuss.  NO WAY!  Dis wuz fittin' into my plan to get doze cukkies cuz now I wuz az hi az dey wuz!!!   I ackshully smiled.  Mama cud see da weels turnin' in mine hed an' da vetlady (cuz dats hu she wuz) figgered owt my plan.  She gave me an nudder cukkie, den looked in my eer, den at my toofies, den she feeled me AWL Ober!!  It wuz kinda nise.  I don't let Dr. Shatto do dat stuffs.  Mama piks up mine eers an' he luks an' takes her werd abowt mine toofies cuz I don't stop growlin' at him.  An' he don't gib me cukkies eever!  I let him gib me shots an' stuffs away frum mine hed, but dat iz awl.  He finks I wud bite him.  Just cuz I twied to 8 yeers ago.  Hey - I wuz a nerbuss pup den!  He duz treet me wif respeck, but nebber reelly warmed up to me, I cud tell.  My bad. Enny way, dis vetlady putted a big ol' tube ov stuff in my eer an' it stopped bodderin' me.  She tole Mama it wud be dere fer 2 weeks an' don't kleen it or put medisin in it cuz dis stuff duz it awl.  Den she petted me an' sed Bye ARf!  Go see Dr. Shatto on MONDAY!
Dat's dat part ov da day.  Den we gotted Vito an' went to get Papa an' dere iz a hole udder story after dat.
So, till da nex day...
Arfur

Happy Daddy's Day

We bin not allowd to uze da 'puter fer a wile now, but yippee we ar owt ov da doggy howse now until layter.   Yep, we dood it agan.  Vito steeled a pees ov Papa's frensh toste - wif syrup on it an' ebryfing.  He gotted da taybull, da flore an' da cownter awl stikky.  So, yu say, only Vito wuz nawty? (hangs head)  Nope.  I  taked da lofe ov bred dat wuz left but I cud not reech da eggy dish - only da bred.  I mannidged to gulp it down afore Mama cawt me.  Banned frum da kitchin agan.

Now wile Papa wuz vizitin' wif da yungest pup (not da liddlest - 6 foots 6  inchus high), Mama camed owt to cut da grasses. As she camed owt da dore, she seed da furst hummy bird ov da yeer at da hummy burd feeder.  Now itsa gud fing she gotted it owt dere!  Cuz if da feeder iz not owt, dat hummy bird coms to da window an' meeps at her!  Yup, "meep meep! meep!!  MEEP!!!" on da windo sill.  He gotsa fyooze shorter dan my hairs. Eben shorter dan da bloobirdie.   Wen she coms owtside, da red birdies an' da woody pekkers an' da yellow birdies dey awl fly away, but not da hummy bird.  He not skerred ov nuffin!

I be tawkin' to ya to morra cuz der iz so much to tell sinse I bin' away so long!  Wayt till ya heer whut camed frum Scotland!  oh - an' da bare, too - oh - an da piknik  ware do I bee gin?.

Layter,
Arfur

Nawty Vito hidin'

Owr frend doin' owr backyard safari in da lilleez

Hollyday at Camp Arfur Part 1

Awl week Mama an' Papa wuz bizzy werkin' arownd da howse, da yard, da kitchin  (yummy smewws) an' not payin' az much attenshun to us wike normull.  Den der wuz wots ov fud an' da cooly boxes wuz owt, an' den Vito an' me wuz wokked owt of da howse!  Boo!!  Den, peepull started comin' an' my frenz too!!   In a fwash, I bekame Arfur da host wif da most.  I meeted evrywun at da dore, (or gate), I gweeted my houndy fwendz, I twied to control my pesky brudder hu spended da hole day tryin' to humpity dis reelly nise puppy.  I maded fwendz wif da puppy an' showed him awl arownd da yard - eben my seekrit playses to hide.  He reelly liked doin' da safari game.
Layter on, sumbuddy letted me in da dore.  I fownd a dish dat smewwed reelly gud, so I dwank whut wuz inside.  It made me shaky my hed fer a long time!  And pukker up, too!  Mama sed it wuz vinnegar salad dressin'.  She laffed so hard I fot she wud cry.  I gotta go rite now, but I hav mor to teww layter bowt dis holly day.
Layter,
Arfur

No mor wawkabowts

Da fense iz fixeded.  No mor sneekin fru da holes an' trekkin' arownd da upper ayker of da gote pen.  It shur luks pretty gud, tho.  I dont mind stayin' put, but Vito haz da urj to see da wurld.  It iz cawlin' to hiz noze.

Hims haz started bein' reel fussy, too.  Won't take hiz piwws in da mornin' (I fink dey ar YUMMY!)  Cuz ov diss, he iz gimpyer dan normul.  He iz sorta shayped weerd.  He iz bow leggied in front an' pidjin tode in bak wif a reel skinny butt.  He ways 48.6  pownds an' me, I way 50.6 pownds.  Doze 2 extra pownds ar my handsum rownd furm hiney witch I shuv in hiz fayse evry chance I get wen we ressle.  I iz awl mussel - yu bedder beleev it!  Vito iz loooonnnnngg an' skinny an' fwexibul witch I am not.  He can awlmos' bend wike a pwetzel!!

Whelp, gotta go make shur Papa goze an' puts up hims feets.

Later,

Arfur

Ware is spring?

Vito an' me cud not find it, so we went wawkabowt.  A tree braked owr fense an' Papa iz ficksin' it.  Vito iz a grate splorer an' he fownd a hole in da fense...hehehe...so - Mama wuz in da kitchin cukin' sumfin' an' lukked owt da windo an' whut did she see?  Me, comin' owta da barn wif Vito behind me.  We wuz chekkin' on Papa's udder projeck, da trakter skooper.  But Papa wuz not dere!  He wuz in da howse wif Mama.  An' I fink he herd abowt da problem cuz we cud heer Mama awl da way up to da barn.  Papa wuz owt da dore ina flash an' wuz cawlin' us to com in da front dore.  Hay!  I no ware da cukkies ar!  Vito on da udder hand, cannot control hims noze.  It takes him to da darndest pwaces.  He finely followed me, but layter he went splorin'  agan an' camed bak wif a pees of anteek meddle awl caked wif durt.  He haz a fing for meddle.  He findz nales an' skrooz an' stranje odd fings made ov meddle.  Mama made Papa cloze evry liddle hole an' now we ar' confined to korters till she kan take us owt an' watch us.   O well.  After 2 twips to da fense cumpany an' a wot ov dollers layter, da fense shud be fixted tonite.  Achsully, we wuz sorta lukky last nite.  Mama habbed da doggy dore lokked (it iz awlways opin at nite - yooshully) an' gess whut?  Vito waked up but Mama wud not wet him owt in spite ov winin' an' cwyin'...gud fing!  Da bare camed last nite!! Vito wudda bin a widdle snak fer him!   Me, on da udder hand, wudda skared him away wif my biggest skerriest woof.  Rite?  Yu betcha!

Arfur

A Happy Sad Day

AaaarroooooOOOO!!! Arfur heer.  On Saddurday we  gotted in da truk wif Papa an' Mama  an' set off onna davenchur.  We wented to Papa's werk an' gess whut!  Dere wuz Mama's car awl in peeses!  Whelp, Papa putted it togevver  - he sed he fixeded sumfin' an' de putted us awl in da car an' off we went!  I dont' hav enny ideya ware we went, but wen we waked up we wuz at da Boredwaddle in Oshun Sitty!  We cud smell wots ov frenz  an' furst fing we fownded Antieez Ileen an' Shelley wif Charlie an' Vivian.  Den owr nozes taked us to Antie Donna an' her coffee  an yummy donuts (I almos' gotted wun but dey cawt me).  Den we seed Antie Ellie an' Jackie an' Jackie habbed a bad boo boo an' her hand wuz awl rapped up.  Whelp, soon da pawrade started an' we gotted in da car an' went to da oshun to watch.  Vito cannot wawk da hole fing cuzza hiz cwooked weg an' heez gotted too hebby for Papa to carry awl da way (an' it WUD be awl da way - sept wen Vito seed a gurl!)  Whelp, we fownd a pwace to watch an' Mama wuz wuvving seein' da oshun  wen awl of a sudden POOF!  Dere wuz Antie Dawn.  She wuz by hersewf, but we cud sniff Pawtunia on her.  She sed Pawtunia iz startin' to wawk - gud nooz!  Enny way, da peeplez tawked wile Vito an' me gotted pets an' pitchers taken an' I eben gots a reelly hebbenly massahdj frum dis nice man hu sed I wooked wike hiz basset at da bridge.  He camed bak an' rubbed me free times!!  Dat felt soooo gud - but I fink it feeled bedder to him.  An' Antie Dawn gibbed us wots an' wots ov tweets - she iz da BEST!
We watched awl da bassets an' bands an' fings go by den went to da piknik.  Dey ated, tawked, shopped, an' bizzited wif owr fwendz an' yu cud tell Mama an' Papa wuz gettin' tired.  Not US!  Dem!  After wots ov gud byes an' hugs an' stuffs, dey putted us inna car an' we started home.  I don't wemember much untill we suddenly gotted offa da hiway - yu cud feel da ruff rode.  Papa habbed Mama drive up da coste an' we seed all da broked billdings an'sand an' no bored wawk an' hole towns clozed wif no stores enny more.  Peeses of howses wuz evryware.  An'we seed a pile ov hole howses on top ov eech udder.  We seed ware howses burned down an' der wuz nuffin but frigeraydors an' stufss like dat left.  Ware howses had bin dere wuz big emty pwaces.  Mama habbed teers in her ize.  It wuz much mor terrubul dan da pitchers we seed.  Wun howse habbed da hole roof an' top flore of an nudder house stuk in it.  Doze poor peepulls.  Dey iz payin' a morgudge, a bilder (sum ov dem- sum arnt fixin' dem), an' rent to liv sumplayse.  No buddy iz helpin' dem.  Dat iz so terrubbul!  Den we wented bak to da hiway an' hedded home an' we went bak to sweep.  Da day wuz so byootyful an' so happy an' den der wuz such sadness.  We shur iz lukky.  Now we iz lukkin' at da pitchers an' Mama cant get dem owt ov her fone.  So we will show sum wen she figgers it owt., OK?  Now Vito an' me iz werkin' at gettin' fed as much now dat we iz home az we gotted at da Waddle.  So far no luk.
Later
Arfur    

Dont chase MY Pippicat!

Whut a skerry fing to happin.   Mama herd sumbuddy yellin' in owr front yard (ware me an' Vito can't get to).  She an' Papa camed owt da kitchin dore an' dere wuz owr naybor skreemin' fer hiz doggy (hu wuz offa hiz leesh) cuz he ran after owr Pippicat an' habbed her trapped under da car.  Dis habs happinned befor.  So Mama sed to da man, "Dat dog belongs onna leesh! He bedder not hurt my cat!"  Da man skweemed at her, "Shut up, yu wakko!"  Kin yu beweev it? So Mama sed bak, "YU r da wakko!!! - Keep dat dog onna leesh!"  At dis, Papa neerly came owta da dore but he seed Mama wuz under kontrol so he letted her handle it but he wuz waitin' rite dere if he wuz needed (an' he wuz weelly innoyed).  An' da man kep skreemin' an got tween Mama's car an' Papa's twuk an' cud not ketch hiz doggy.  Den he finely gets da doggy onna leesh, hits him, den skeeems awl da way down owr dwiveway - ober 100 feets long - an' awl da way down da street  (about a fowzand feets) skeeemin' awl da way in a vewy skerry voyse.  So gess whut?  Munday Mama iz cawlin' da annymull control offysur an' sayin' sumfin' bowt dis happinin' awl da time.  Wast time da Pippicat wuz on da front porch - a zillyun feets away frum da rode an' dat doggy camed after her but Mama stepped in frunt ov da Pippicat an' tol' da man to keep dat doggy onna leesh (yeah rite!).  Da man duz not say heez sorry or nuffin'. Jus' skreems at Mama hu nebber eben tawks lowd at him.  Whut a weerd hyooman.    An' he cawls ME vishus cuz he seez Vito an' me playin' an' we ressull and growl an' bawk wen we pway. (Oh - an' I woof at him ebry time he goze by cuz he yewws at me an' sez bad werds.)  I fink HE iz vishus!  Whut a skerry man!

Arfur (hu wudda saved da Pippicat if he cudda got owta da fense!)

Whut wuz dat??

Wast nite, Mama an' Papa gode owt to get gas fer da truk.  I herd dem say dat.  Dey did not com bak for a long time.  Wen dey got heer, da deerz wuz waitin' fer dem to get fed, so Papa did dat wile Mama brot in da birdy feeders so da bare duz not eet dem.  But ya noe dey did not smeww rite.  Eeeeew - dey smewwed diffrunt.  Nebber ebber smewwed wike dat befor.  Dey wuz awl xsited too.  Jabberin' an' tawkin' bowt sumfin' cawled a beever an' how it wuz losted an' dey seed him goin' to da bizzy rode.  Papa iz awlways a heero, so he wented rownd da blok an' commed bak to save dat beever frum da cars.  Cars mash fings an' leev dem fer big birdies to eet. Yuk!  So Mama taked pitchers an' Papa garded dat beever an' Mama cawwed da poleesman to hewp  dem.  Beevers dont see vewy gud so he wuz losted.  But tween Papa an' da poleesman, dey gotted him heddin' bak to da lake.   Whew!   Dat wuz a close wun!  Mama sed it wuz reely cool to see a beever dere cuz der nebber bin a beever in dat lake before. It cud be trubble  an' like udder beevers in dis areea he mite get taked to a noo home.   Hope not.  I wanna see wun.  Mama sed heez bigger dan a grownd hoggy so I bedder be careful.  Luk an' dont tuch she sez.  Rite.

Waytin' fer da Eester Bunny

Dis week Vito killd my faverit fwoggy dat I taked ebry playce I went.  He wuz lukky cuz it wuz so sharp an' crunchy!  Mama wuz reelly mor upset dan me cuz it cudda hurt us.  So I iz hopin' fer da Eester Bunny to bwing me sumfin'.  But I iz wunderin'...

Mama sended candy to Craig in UT,  awlso has sum fer Kyle hu iz spozed to go to Gramma's wif Mama an' Papa (maybe).  Den she gotted sum fer Daddy.  Nuffin' fer us dat I cud see. So its gotta com wif da Eester Bunny.

Vito awlreddy haz figgered owt ware da candy iz.  But it iz in a pwace we cannot get to.  Papa sed "Don't twust doze two - put it in an udder room reel hi so dey cannot get it!"  pout.   We reely cant get it.  Not eben Vito.
We wiww see I iz too 'sited to eben fink about it.
Till Eester!
Arfur

Bizzy week, BIG sprize

Awl week Mama bin wippin' an tarin' da kitchin apart. She bin fillin' bags an' bags wif ode fuds, ode pwastik stuff, ode dishiz- she fiwwed FREE twash cans wif stuffs.  After awl dis werk, she finewy has a kitchin cownter, wots ov cabinit spayses, no mowses, an' a smile.  Whew!  we gots tard jus' watchin' her!  Den she hit da clozits  an' fiwwed fore - cownt 'em wun, too, free, fore - FORE bags ov ode cwoze  fer gud will.  WHEW!  Whut a bizzy bee!   She wored us owt.  We ackshully wet her sweep at nite, too. 

Till last nite.

Furst we wud not com in frum last cawl.  She camed an' got us.  Den, we went owt agan after wast cawl an' Vito waz woofin' hiz hed off!   Mama went to da front dore to see if sumwun wuz in da drive, but nope - but da naybor's yappy widdle weener dog wuz yappin' away an' we wuz woofin'!!  BIG TIME!  Mama sed we awl mus' be woofin' at eech udder, brot us in an' cwozed da doggy dore an' sent us to bed. 

Dis mornin' wuz da sprize.  Yesterday Mama fiwwed awl da birdy feeders.  Wen Papa weft fer werk dis mornin', he sez  "ware ar da feeders?"  He wawks up to da dore wif wun ov da feeder hook fingys  - bent wike a pwetzel an' no feeders.  Da udder hook iz GONE - feederz an' awl.  He wawks into da bak ov da howse neer owr fence an' dere it iz - 3/4 inch iron  bent wike a pees of sketty.  Now we wuz twyin' to teww her wast nite  but she wud not wissen to us.  She cud hab saved it awl if onwy she pade attenshun wen we  tole her da bare wuz owt dere.  But NO.  So dis mornin' we wuz reel kwiet.  Did not eben bark fer owr bwekfist.  Ya no whut we iz sayin?

Tode yu so!

Mebbee nex' time she wiww wissen to us.  Mebbee.

Arfur

Sekund fots

Erly in dis mornin' it shur seemed wike a grate ideya to wake Mama up an' go owt at 4  am.  Now normully, I get in bed wif her at 4.  But Vito wanted to go owt an' I fot, "Shur, y not?""  So wen Vito started to wine, I butted Mama in da hed an' woked her up.  Now, to say Mama wuz sownd ass  sleep iz puttin' it witely.  She wuz OWT.  But she drug herself down da steps an wetted us owt (we wuz clozed in cuz Vito was bawkin' at sumfin' at 2 am da nite before.)  She wuz so ass sleep dat she cud not get bak up da steps.  But she finely did but wen da noyze maker went off at 5  firty, she wuz not perky.  Not at awl.

She did not yell or compwane, tho.  She dwagged her weery butt down da steps, made da coffee, made Papa's lunch, made Papa's bwekfist, feeded Vito an' me an' den sat down.  She an' Papa awlways tawk in da mornin' an' dey bofe did lots ov dat.   Wen Papa left, Mama pored her haff cup o' coffees,  heeted a haffa bagle  (not da dog) an' sat to do her votin' an' lissen to da nooz. She started not feelin' gud - we cud teww.  But she did da lawndry, den da dishes, den bakeded cukkies, den she wuz werried.   It iz nuffin noo, but it wuz a bad day dis time.  Herz gots a twikky Ball Batter (  I fink dats it) an' wen it acks up, she don't pway wif us, go owtside, or eben eet choklit  like normal.  Well, we wuz nursses awl day.  We taked turns keepin' her warm an' gettin' pets.  Den she suddenly sed - OMIGOSH!  An'  went an' gotted da Yummy hartgard cukkies an' da fruntline itchykiller.  A widdle wate, but she finely membred.  Man doz cukkies she bakeded shur smewwed gud.  But wen she diid not eben eet WUN we figgered owt we gotta be nurses today.  
Tomorro shud be bedder. No madder whut, she plugs on ennyway, but we reelly gotta wet her sweep dis time.  Sheez  awreddy saggin' bet she goze up erly.  Hey!  Vito!  If yer gonna bark, do it now befor bedtime  so we awl kin go to bed!  (da widdlwe snot.)
Arfur, not wikin' bein' a nurss.

RAAYYD!!!

Ha!  Yu fot I went away agan.  RONG!  Vito an' me wuz plannin' a big skor.  Wen Mama did not take us in da car dis time, we gotted eben.

Vito kin opin a gate.  Better yet, he haz bin pwaktissin' opinnin' a latch.  To day wuz VIKTORRY!! 
He gotted da latch opin.  Den he gotted dat gate opin.  Den he letted me in da kitchin.  Mama iz not very carefull cuzza da gate.  SO...we  gotted in da garbidje, den we gotted a pakidge of cheez she wuz fawin' owt.  We eeted da kat fud, da kitty tweets, a box o' biskits, sum pasta, wemmin dwops, a boddul ov hunny, an' a box ov cwakkers.  We awso shredded a pile ov male dat Papa had weft on da taybul.   I, bein' da tawl wun, gotted sum eggy shells dat wuz in da sink.  I can not eben wemember awl da gud stuffs we eeted an' shredded. 

Wen Mama camed home, we wuz owtside to gweet her, aktin' wike we wanted owr dinner.  Vito iz a gwate aktor - he wooked wike a widdle ayngel - awl innosent.

 I gots a gilty fayse.  Mama wawked in da howse an' went CWAZY!!!  Yu not eetin!  she sed in a big big voyse.  Den she gotted da bwoom an' started sweepin' (till she fownded da hunny) an a hole role ov Bownty.   She maded us wate, but she did feed us owr supper.  After a big leckshur.  An' a skoldin'.  An' da meen fayse treetment.  She cant stay mad.  We iz her babies. 

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Arfur

Big Sitement!!

Boyoboyoboy  did we hab sitement!!  Mama camed home wif Antie Torrie  an' we wuz so happy to see her!!  We gotted snuggles an' pets an' lotsa luvvin' from her.  We wuz reelly likin' owr vizit wif her, wen dere wuz a nok at da dore an' Unka Joe brotted cukkies dat Antie Pat made jus' fer us!!!  A liddle wile later, we wuz gettin' mor pets frum Antie Torrie wen suddnewy der wuz a huge DING DONG - dat odd noyz wen somebuddy stwange coms to da dore.  It dwives Vito NUTS!!  Whelp, Mama wented to see hu it wuz.  She did not noe dere face, den she lukked an seed a strange car.  She tole Torrie - don't know hu dis iz but she fot dey mite be noo Jobwess Witlesses dat wuz not familyer wif dis howse.  How ebber,  deze wuz not dem.  Dey wuz yung gurls wif faked up badjes hangin' rownd dere  neks.  Wun habbed a switchbord in her hanz.  Whut Vito? O. A Kwipbord.   Dey sed sumfin' reely strange abowt polees support in da lektrik bill an' wud Mama get da bill an' dey wud sho her.  Or if da bill wuz on da puter, dey wud come in an' sho her on da puter skreen.  Dey wanted to com in.  Ok, first, mama werked wif da poleeses  an' sekund  we don't get no bill.  Mama uzes da 'puter.   She did not teww dem dat, but sed we habbed compinny an' she wuz bizzy an' dat Papa wud be home enny minnit.  Mama, wented in to teww Antie Torrie  an gess whut! Doze gurls went up in smoke.  Dey dis appeered!   Now Mama cawed da poleeses to see if dey wuz legit (her werd).  Da poleeses sed day not noe. Asked fer whut dey luk like, Mama tole dem.  She tole dem abowt der wite car, too.  Gess whut.  Mama habs a wite car.  Wen she taked Antie Torrie home, she gotted stopped by da poleeses, followed by free diffrent poleese cars, an' tawked to by a poleesman.  She sed she nebber felt so safe!  Make a long story short - doze gurls did not go to enny udder howse in da nayborhood. Dey did go to an nudder howse sumware else neerby an' doze peepull cawled da poleesmen too.  But doze gurls vanisht!  So it be interestin' - Mama tode dem to return on Fursday  in erly after noon.  We wiww see if dey com bak.   I sharpenin' my toofies an' Vito iz pwaktissin' hiz big deep woof.  We be reddy!   Meenwile, da dores ar lokked an' da fone iz in Mama's pokkit.  Mama wuz gigglin' wif Antie Torrie dat she fewt wike Nansy Droo.  Who iz dat?
More later,
Arfur

Puppy cries

I nebber rite 2 times in wun day normully.  But da weerdest fing happined to me tonite.  Mama an' Papa wuz watchin' da pitcher fingy.  I cud heer puppies cwyin' an'  a gotie goin' maaa-aa-aa.  Hab not herd a gotie in a wong time (in dog time).  Awl ov a sudden der wuz a puppy on da cabbynet.  He wuz cwyin' an'  bwak an' bwown, crawlin' to hiz mommy.  I fot fer shur he wuz in dis room.   I started watchin', den got cwoser so I cud sniff, but den I got eben cwoser until my noze tucheded - awlmost dere...an' WOOF!!!!  Vito jumps down an' hed butts me an' woofs rite in my eer!  An' da puppy went away :((((.  An' Vito, da widdle snot, kep' woofin' at me cuz I gotted too cwose to da pitcher fingy.  But I am shur der wuz reelly a puppy dere.  I cud awlmos' smeww him.  I went up ebber so jentwy, but he stiww wuz gon.  Mama sed it wooked wike  I wuz hip no tized  an' slowly puwwed to da puppy on da skreen.  She sed she nebber seed me wook dat way - ebber.  An' Vito rooinned da pitcher she twied to take to pwoov it.  Enny how, dat iz my story fer now.
Later,
Arfur

2 Nites an' cowntin

We now hab bin gud fer 2 nites in a row.  Mama habs rozes in her cheeks agan.  She  iz spwingy an' ejernetic.   Best ov awl, she iz not cwabby.  Mebbe we  shud do dis mor offen.   But she shud hab compinny mor offin.  It hewps.  Last nite owr Unka camed fer pizza.  Eben if we cud not hab da ackshooul pizza, we gets AWL da crustes.   We cud smeww da onyuns an' mushroomies  an' maters an' cheez as soon as it camed in da dore.   I made trales ov drool ober 20 feets long 'cordin' to Mama!  Den I droowlded a puddle so big dat eben Papa swipped in it!  I cannot hewp it.  Eben da Pippicat wuz droolin' an' she dont eet pizza bones.  Onwy Vito habbed dry wips.  He kep sukkin' it in - da guddy guddy widdle bwat!  Wadeaminnit!!  I fownd owt ware he putted it!  He wiped it awl on da bak ov Mama's cote.  Wy she not get mad???  Oh.  Bet she did not find it yet.  Ennywayz, after pizzas an' i screem an'  cuddles an' pets, we ackshully slep awl nite.  Agan.
Now it iz nappy time  untiw Papa coms home from werk.
Seeya,
Arfur

How do yu speww releef?

Ok, we wuz heddin' in to da forf nite ov lak  o sleepy fer Mama.  But wen Papa gotted home frum werk, he wuz in a herry to go owt.  Kyle da 2 legger wuz meetin' dem fer supper at da Hi Noon Fursday nite.  Mama an' Papa wuz takin' Antie Pat an' Unka Joe dere fer a nite owt.  We wuz bein' home ALONE.  It wuz gettin' dark.  Da monster wuz owt dere sumware.  Dey wuz leevin' us. shudder.
Did  not seem long. In a liddle wile dey commed home, dere wuz da smeww ov coffee an' bwownies.  Mama wuz servin' dezert.  Furst, Antie Pat gibbed us cookies!!!  We wuz not fergotted!!  O Boy - an pets an' skritches an' luvvin' O Hebbenwy!!  We gotted wots an' wots ov attenshun.  I nebber seed Mama an' Papa an' Antie Pat an' Unka Joe hab such a gud time!  Dey did!

After dey goed home, Vito an' me slep on da sofa wif Papa.  Wen Papa went to bed, we wud not go owt.  Mama pleeded but we wud not go.  Achshully, Vito went rite up wif Papa.  Mama wuz fwustwated wif him. I followed Mama up but wud not go owt.  Mama wuz reelly reelly nerbuss.  She wud not eben gib us owr gud nite cukkies.  But she wuz so sweepy, she layed down an' da nex fing she noo, da alarm wuz goin' off.  hehehe...we slep awl nite an' so did she.  In fack, nun ov us wanted to eben get up (her too).  But da clok wuz tikkin' an' she hadda get Papa off to werk.

So we gibbed her a wun nite brake.  Wets see whut happins DISS nite!!  Shud  we let her go fer 2?

Later,
ARfur

Nite 3 - uh -oh

Ok, we wuz reelly gonna let Mama sleep.  But abowt 2 am dat majik lite camed on an' Vito smewwed sumfin' owtdores.  And he wined, an' he wined...an' he WINED......an' he WOOFED!  Woke up Mama AN' Papa oh-oh.  Papa sweeps fru ennyfing.  But Mama sed go bak to sweep.  An' she did. An' we did not.  An' furst Vito butted her in da hed, den I gentwy skritched her arm.  Vewwwwy gentwy.  Not wanna see funder eyez.  But she jes sed NO  go bak to sweep.  A widdle winin', a widdle paysin', a cupple skritches...nope.  Finely she letted us owt at 5am. I don't fink we shud twy dis agan.  We wawkin' a reellly daynjeruss paff heer.   We cud get wokked owt (of da bedwoom) or putted inna crate.  An' Mama wud jus' go find her eerpluggers so she cud sweep.  sigh.  But sumfin' iz owt dere.  In owr yard.   At nite.  Gardin' da howse iz owr job.  Whut else kin we do?  I fink da solooshun iz to put Vito on da porch for da nite.  Den whutebber it is wiww  take him an' leev da west ov us alone. Hehehe...I WUV dat ideea!   Hmmm...den I wiww not hab ennybuddy to pway wif.  Whelp, bak to da drawin' bord -

1. How not to wake up Mama
2. How to get rid ov da monster  dat iz lurkin' in da yard
3. See if da Pippicat wiww gard da porch  :)
4. Figger owt how to ignor it - i.e. - how to nok owt Vito

Later,
Arfur - gotta werk on dis pwoblem

Nite games 2

OK, dis time we wented owt fer owr last wawk at 9:45 wike normal.  Den Mama gibbed us xtra treets  to go to sleep.  Into bed, den zzzzzzzzzzz...

Until midnite.

Vito wuz cryin' to go owt.  Mama seed dat da majik lite wuz on owt dere.  So she gotted da big lite dat iz awlso a weppin  an' taked us owt.  Owr sniffers wuz goin' CWAZY but Mama sed it wuz lukky we hedded fer da far fense insted ov up behind dat lite an' we did not find nuffin'.  Bak in I camed.  Vito taked a widdle longer cuz he wuz chekkin' da hole parimmitter.   Den, he sneeked fru a hole in da fense but Mama seed him an' cawled him bak.   Dis time, he ackshully lissened to her an' came a runnin'.  Bak to bed we goed.  Wets see whut happins dis nite now.  Mama beez reddy to nok us owt.
BWHAHAHAHA!!!
Arfur

Nite moovs

It wuz 2 firty in da mornin'  - hey dat's reely nite.  Vito gotted owt ov bed an' funked down da steps to da doggy dore.  Awl of a suddin, Mama iz sittin' up, eerz perked.  Vito wuz woofin' owt in da yard.   Ok, sheez haf ass sleep an' gwabbed da big lite, den heded down da steps to drag da liddul bugger in.  But now I wuz awake an' beet her owta da dore.  Now it wuz only 11 degweez owtside.  Mama's teef wuz chatterin' az she cawled "Vito!  Get in heer!  Where ar YU???"  Da lite shined awl arownd da yard, but Vito an' me wuz behind a twee.  A few dayz ago, der wuz a pak ov kioteez owt dere an' we cudda  bin a snak.  But not dis time. Den jus' az I gotted da sent, da widdle bwat ran inside to hiz mommy.  Me, I wuz on da twale of sumfin'.  Da heck wif goin' in!  Mama  kep' cawlin' den she gave up.  She gotted nervuss wen she heered sumbuddy giv one low wissul.  I came in a minnit layter an' she clozed da doggy dore.  Bak to bed we awl went, but we cud heer a dog bawkin' an' an nudder wissul.
It cudda bin da cwazy naybor wif hiz dog, but I ayn't tewwin'.   But we did see doggy pwints followin' da deer pwints in owr yard an' Mama lukked fer peeple pwints, but it wuz too melted  to tell frum Papa's an' herz feets.  Papa finks we got pochers, cuz we hab herd shootin' at nite  (but not last nite) and dey cud yuze a bow neer da howses.  Sumbuddy gotta keep dat widdul snot in da howse so we don't meet whoebber it iz.  Wen we went bak to bed, Mama cwozed da bedroom dore to keep him from doin' it agan.
She sed she jus' wants WUN nite's sweep.  Sheez gettin' weerd surkulls  under her eyez.  Hehehe...me, I wike adbenchur.  Weel see hu wins.
Later,
Arfur

Yippee! Speshul tweets fer taday!

We gotted lessanya - from Papa AND Mama!  Dey dont no whut dey ar doin'.  I sit an' giv Papa "da Luk"  wif my pleedin sad fase  an' he gibs me a bite.  Den, I go arownd da taybul  (Vito an' me swap pwaces) an' gib Mama "da Luk"  an' she sez "whut Papa did not gib yu none?"  (well mebbe she didn' say it wike dat)  an she gibs me a nice meety bite.  Wen Papa iz dun he wets wun ov us wik da pwate an' wun ov us wiks da fork.  Mmmmm...yummy.  Now its time to go owtside an' woof at da big doggies wif da horns cuz dey ar eetin' corn an' bwed an we can't get it!!  But Mama cwozed da doggy dore an' now I am imp payshuntly watin' to get owt.
Later,
Arfur

No lassanya fer us today

We did not get enny cuz dey gotted home late from Grammas howse.  Mebbe to morro.  But we did get soooper dooper cukkies dat owr naybor an' doggysitter baked fer us. YUM! Wen dey gotted home, da 2 legger an' fwend wuz wif dem an' he lefted a hot doggy on da taybul.  It wuz TORCHUR!!  But it wuz nice habbin' dem arownd ennywayz.
Gonna rite mor to morro.   I's tard.
Nitey nite -
Arfur

A gud day full ov gwate sniffs

Awl day Mama stayed home.  Dis wuz vewy gud cuz awl day she cukked.  First we herd chop chop choppin' sownz  an' da smeww ov pepperz, onyuns, garlik, zookeenee, an' cheezes.  Den da sizzle ov meet in da pan  wif da oliv oyl an' Vito an' me habbed owr nozes glooood to the gate sniffin' deez wunderful smewws.  It jus' gotted better n' better.  Oops.  Den she stopped to wash sum cloze an' in wif da gud smewws wuz sopy smewws. 
Den sheez bak in da kitchin.  Evryfing is bwending sooo gud - ack!  da smewws dwive me cwazy!!  Now coms da  maters - awl kinds ov maters an'  wen dey get mixed wif da veggies an' da meeties omymymymymyit smewws sooo gud!  OO!  Vito sez CHEEZ!  Do yu smeww dat??  Cheezes!!  aaaahhhhhh....romano an' parmessan an' rigawt an' yummy mootzarella.  Vito iz a cheez xpert.  I fink cuz heez frum Brooklin.  Itallyun cappytal ov da werld.  Now we iz winin' at da gate - hey!  let us get closer!!  Mama jus' smiles an' sez be gud an' tosses us eech a pees of zookeenee, den a widdle pees ov mootazarell.   SIGH.
Sheez  makin' da layers now ov noodles (we get da extras), maters, cheesez an' meet.  Wen it iz finely in da ovin, we cant stand it enny mor.  We gotta go take a nap or go nutzy.  We reeellly luv lasanya.  An' she maded 2 of dem!!  YES!!!  Mebbee wun iz fer us!  
Weer reelly hopin'.
Tell ya to morra,
Arfur

Bad boy - agan

Dis mornin' I wuz in a hurry.  My tummy wuz goin' "gruummbleummbleggrrrrruh!" an' Mama an' Papa wud not get up eben wif da noyzy fing goin' off.  I figgered I wud sho HER!   Now  I dont no wy I did dis.  I bin a gud boy fer a long time now.   But a widdle voyse in my hed tode me to do it.  I went in da room wif da majik bole, climed up on da hamper an' stole Mama's very last skwid.   Ok - I didnt jus' steel it.   I eeted awl da widdle  pwastik  fingies offa it so da long parts got reeeeeelly long.  Da rownd parts I onwy wikked an' I did not  hurt da hooky stuff in da bak cuz dey hurt my toofies.  Wen Mama came down to feed us, she took wun wook an' started to cry.  "My vewy last bwa!  How cud yu, Arfur???! Yu BAD BAD boy!!"  Fire camed owt ov her eyz an' funder rummbulled. An' ya no  whut?   she did not feed us.  She maded Papa's coffee an' hiz sammich an' dwinks fer lunch.  She fed da Pippicat an' letted her owt. She pored Papa's shreddy weetie fingys.  Den she went an' bagged up ode yooniforms fer him to take to werk.  She gabe him hiz widdwe piwws, den wen he wuz reddy to leev, she fownd wun ov da plastic fingys an' held it up an' sed  "Arfur - did yu do diss?" 
I twied to leev da room - putted  my hed down an' twied to hide, but dis feelin' camed ober me.  I fewt BAD.  Den Papa putted da chewed skwid in my dish.  An' den I new.  I new wy her did not feed me yet  an' I wade down rite dere. 
Whelp, Papa weft fer werk, Mama putted away da stuff in da kitchin, an' den she fed us.  I am bein' reeeeellly reeeellly kwiet rite now.  Mebbe she wiww ferget.  She sed I cwossed da wine waddebber dat meens.   I taked da wast wun.   I no she wiww laff later. But hers habs a reely fwowny wook on her face rite now.  An' she iz not tawkin'.  She iz gettin' da fred an' da sharpie widdle fing  an' sewin' dat skwid.  I heddin' fer da doggy dore until herz smilez agan.
Till later,
Arfur

Happy Balentines Day

Yeah!   YOU try sayin' a "v" wif big floppy wips.  Wanna wish eberybuddy a reelly Happy Balentine's Day - espeshully my gurl Hannah, an' my frend  Millie.

Mama jes' came in all 'sited cuz a widdle wile ago she weft wif sizzers, tape, ribbins, an' awl kinds ov Balentine deckerayshuns.  She wuz dresst awl in bwak - bwak hoody, bwak pants, bwak boots - sez she needs da hoody cuz her wed hares gibs her away ebry time!  So, she drove 15 milez to Papa's werk, parked at da store nex dore,den sneeked into da parkin' lot ware hiz truk iz.  Den, fer da 20th time she dekoraytd it wif sines, stickkers, streemers, tinsel, windo klingy fings, candy, a card, a stuffded hart an' a hole bunch ov udder stuff.  Dere wer  menz werkin' on cars in da lot, so she hadda sneek by an get into da truk an' do da inside, den tippytoe  arownd da udder side to get da entenna an' dat side wile standin' in a HYOODJe puddle!  She gotted smart dis yeer an' putted ebryfing togevver befor she left.  Da dummy uze to unrap da stuffs in da truk wile she wuz doin' it an' dat wuzn't gud!  She only ebber got cawt wun time cuzza a bawoon.  So she dont do bawoonies no mor.  Da furst time she fiwwed hiz truk compleetly wif bawoons an' he cud not drive home. Kin yu beweev she did not fink of dat?  Papa wownd up gibbin' away bawooons to ebrywun he seed jus so he cud get home.  She haz dun som gud jobs ober da yeers an' sum bad wuns (like in bad wedder or wen dere wuz peeples  gonna ketch her).  She sed dis yeer's iz awl mos' pawfeckt. 
Sorry - she did not take no pitchers, tho.
HAPPY BALENTINE'S DAY EBERYBUDDY!
WOTS OV WUV,
Arfur

It'snot drool

Mama had to take da Auntie to da doc today so dis mornin' wuz a rush.  Papa did not hab hiz norml otemeel  witch he shares wif us.  He habbed Sinnymun Toste Kwunch.  Yummy did dat smeww gud.  I sat an' gave him my vewy best "look" but he wuz not lukkin' at me.  I wanted sum so bad!  Vito stuk hiz hed in da bole an stole sum, but I did not get enny.  Dad gwabbed hiz lunch box an' keez an' went to leev.  Mama hurried to lik hiz cheek (peeple ar weerd) an gib him hiz huggy.  She taked wun step past ware I sat an' whOOOP@!  I fink she swipped on Vito's snot - it cud NOT hab bin my drool!  I wuz not droolin'!!  ----wuz I?  Oooops.  Pippicat an' me  had weft a puddle - uh-oh.  Mama kwik gotted dwessed an' left but I fink sheez limpin'.  O brudder.  She comed home an' sheez wimpin' awl rite.  She did not eben fall awl da way down.  Papa sed dat wuz da wurst - it pulled da nee mussel. 
I can not beweev it...she gived me a noo hedjyhog.  She not mad.  She gave me da hedjy an' Vito a noo bottle fer his boddul baby beever.  Wow.  She not mad.  She luvs me.  Mebby I shud ware a towl under my chin.   Fink dat wud hewp? 
Oh, an' dis day wuz no meety heer - ash day.  Dont no nuffin bowt it but no hooman eets  much speshully meet.   Gud fing dey stiww feed US!  Whew!
Tomorro iz comin' fast...
Later,
Arfur

Weer still heer!!

Ha!  Yu fot I wuz droppin' owt agan!  NOPE!  I wuz keepin' my spot on da cowch so dat Vito cud not take it.  He iz such a bwat!!!   Mama caws him a snot.  I wuz mindin' my own bizniss, sleepin' on da doggy bed, wen he  camed up an' put hiz noze DIS CLOSE an' woofed an' growled in my face.  I did not moov, did not blink, did not gib him da satis fakshun of a anser.  He twies to ressle me evry day an'  finks he can win.  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!  Not gonna happin!  He push, I put my hiney in hiz face.  He twy to get on me...I take wun step to da side  an' down he goze.  He hook hiz hed on my nek, I hook my hed (witch iz WAY bigger dan hiz) on HIZ nek.  Den I jump wun widdle jump an' heez down.   Not gonna happin.  I AM DA KING.  Now he tryin' to aarrooo.   Sownz wike a cwakked rekkerd.  Mama sez wike a teenage boy wif hiz voyse changin'.  Mebbe he wiww lern, mebbe not.  He not reel basset ennyhow.  Hims wooks wike a JIANT weener dog.  Man sez part bludhownd made him big.  But he nebber gonna win.  He FINKS he iz da king.  But I NO I am.  Gotta go get bak on dat cowch cuz heer he coms.
Till nex time
Arfur

Pwows an' shuvvels

Last nite it wuz snowin' reel pritty an' fluffy wen we goed to bed.  Vito an' me ran arownd da yard an' pwayed a wittle den came in an' went nitey nite.   Dis mornin' it beed dark owt wen Papa an' Mama waked us up - hey!  weer sleepin' heer!  Nex' fing we smeww coffee an' otemeel an' heer da shuvvel cleerin' owt da doggy dore an' da patee-oh.  Vito an' me ran owt to go pee pee an' BRRRRRRRR!!!!!! it wuz reelly reelly cold an' da snow iz DEEP!!  Yu cud only see owr tales owt dere.  By da time we wer reddy to eet, Mama  wuz puttin on her krotchless ski skins dat I eeted dis week an' wool sox an' warm stuffs.  Papa wuz awlreddy runnin' da widdle bloo pwow.  Wile we eeted, Mama let Pippi owt (she goze owt to potty) an' went owt an' ranned da widdle bloo traktor wile Papa went to fix an' run da big blowy fingy.   By da time dey wuz finished, it wuz lite owt an' dey habbed cleened da driveway, Joe's driveway, da sidewawk, da shed an' barn an' Papa's truk an' stiww he wuz gonna be late to werk.  But Mama wuz on da bawl.  She habbed da truk heetin' up, da lunch on da seet, cleened off da front ov it an' made shur Papa habbed hiz pills an we habbed owrs - oops - fergot her own.  Meenwile da Pippicat iz standin' meowin' at da dore shakin' each paw wike "eeeeww wet me in it is CODE owt heer!"  So Mama wetted her in, hanged up her wet cloze, den dumped her instint bwekfist into her coffee an' camed in to warm up.  Da wind iz blowin' an' Vito an' me are not leevin' da cowch fer NUFFIN'  today.  Well, mebbe fer a cookie.

I say NO FARE

Last nite, we gotted left home awl by owrselfs.   Vito an' me played a widdle an' taked a nap wile we wated fer Mama an' Papa to get home.  Wen dey gots home, as soon as da dore opinned, I cud smeww STAKE!  Yummy stake!!  Sniff Papa...stake, sniff Mama...stake - HEY whut goze heer?  I dont see enny wite boxes.  Oh, wate, dere iz a bag in Papa's hand.  And YES!  Dere iz a wite box in it!!  sniff...sniff...don't smeww no stake...sniff snuffle...snort!  PATOOEY!!!  Its BWED!  Wy wud dey bring home BWED??  And NO STAKE??  Mama went on an' on abowt her dewishuss salad (I cud smeww bloo cheez an' maters) an' how tender her fillay wuz.  Papa wuz tawkin' abowt spinnich dip an' tor teeyas whuddever doze ar.  An' how pawfeck HIS stake wuz.   NO FARE!  Dey did not eet enny lunches so day cud eet dere stakes.  I fink I'm gonna cry.

To add insult to injerry, Mama brotted home noo doggy treets (I cud tell it wuz from Petsmart).  Da bag sed 1/2 callery per peese.  Gess wy?
Da peeses ar so smaww dat I did not no I ate it.  Vito too.  She toss it, it goze ZIP - rite down to my tummy wifowt tuchin' my tung!   Yep, DAT LIDDLE!  I fink she shud take dem bak an' get bigger wuns dat we cud tayst.  No fare if yu drop it an find it wif yer noze, yu cant see it to pik it up.  BOO!  HISS!  Big deel made in USA.   Fer chorkies I m shur. 
Till to morro,
Arfur

An nudder attemp

Ok, da last wun wuz sucksessful, so  I figgered I wud try agan.  To make a long story short, I only gotted a sock  an' did not get to choo it an' Vito, well, take a lissen.

Mama hangs her pockybook on a hook in da kitchin along wif her keez an' stuff.  Fer jus' dis wun time she putted her noo fuzzy gluvs on top.  Wen Papa lef fer werk, she seed dat dere wuz only wun gluv dere.  OH NO!  she sed.  My gluv!!  She ran an' lukked in da bak yard- no gluv.  Lukked in da hole intire downstares - no gluv.  Now sheez werried.
  {puffin' owt chest}  I hav eeted da fingers owt of a zillyun pares of gluvs - most ov da time garden gluvs.  I speshully like doze bloo rubber gluvs dat com in a box cuz dey choo wike bubbul gum an' I kin hewp myself (Papa leevs dem arownd awl da time).  So Mama wuz xtra werried cuz deez wuz her nooest, warmest gluvs an' a storm iz a comin'.  So she sed bye bye to Papa, den came in by da 'puter, abowt to feed doggies awl ober da USA, an' she patted me on da hed, den  wawked ober to pat Vito who wuz on da sofa.  Wif hiz chin on da gluv.  OH WOW!  She sed! WHEW!  She reelly lukked owt cuz Vito wud not let me hab it.  He duz not choo fings, he slobbers dem an' rubs awl ober dem.  Oh well, nex' time I mite be lukky.  Dis time it wuz Mama hu wuz lukky.

Did Mama steel my brane?

It haz bin a long time dat I wuz heer tawkin' to mysewf.  Weww, I am bak an' heer iz my start to da new yeer.

Arfur here. Today I made a perfeck score. Mama wuz bizzy. I jumped up at her desk an' taked da prize an' wifowt stoppin' at awl I hedded to da doggy dore. Mama stepped owt of da widdle room wif da majik bole an' sed "ARFUR! STOP!" An jus' like majik - I stoppeded! Wha?? Den she sez, "DROP IT!" It jus' felled owt of my mowf...REALLY! Did I grab it an' run? Did I zoom owt da doggy dore? No. I stud dere an'wooked at her wif da opin role of candies layin' at my footsies. She wawked over an' pikked dem up, den sed whut a gud boy I wuz an' I shud get a cookie! An' gess whut? She gibbed me a cookie! Do you fink dey ar majik cookies? Do dey take ober my brane? I still do not unnerstand whut happinned. But I fink I hab growed up. You fink? OH NO! I hab turned gud. Dis is seeryuss. How can I hode up my hed as a basset? Wate, Mama jus sed da name ov doze candies - dat splanes it! Dey wuz Lifesavers. Dey saved dere own lives hehehe. Dat mus be it. Gotta be. Not me...