My furst day ov Cwissmuss

Mama iz sik an' she haz bin lissenin' to Cwissmuss songs. I jus' luv da Furst Day of Cwissmuss. So, I bwot her a pwezent fer da furst day I am cowntin. I not shur she wiked it. She laffs wen she watchez us pway turd hokky. So I bwotted in a puck fer her an' putted it in fwont ov da wood fire fingy. She jus' went to put a wog on da fire an' fownd it. At furst, she fot it wuz a wok. Den she went to pik it up an'...ooops! It wuz mewted. Dont teww her ware I am, ok? Its nise an' warm heew behind da chare. Mebbee she wiww fink it iz frum Vito.

Later,
Arfur

Da big Sprize!

Owr toy box iz in da room ware da wood stove iz. Vito iz da wun hu gets eberyfing owt. Da udder day, he coms runnin' up to me an' woof woof woofin' an' dansin' in sirkles an' eberyfing. Arfur Arfur Arfur, he sez (reelly he sed Arf Arf Arf)!! Com an' wook at da toy box!! Santa gotted us aww noo toys! I shaked my hed at dis boy cuz he iz a widdle fick sumtimes, but I fowwowed him. An' gess whut? Awl da toys were noo! But wate...izn't dat my Crissmuss pengwin? An' wook - owr Santa teddy bare! Deez awl wook wike da same toys, but day ar aww noo! It iz majik!! Dere iz not eben enny room fer mor toyz cuz it iz fuww! Whut lukky boyz we ar dat Santa gotted heer erly! Wook! Eben awl da chewy bonz iz noo! Hmmm.,.now whut am I gonna do on Cwissmuss? I gots eberyfing I need. Mebbe I shud gib sum toys to a houndy hu gots nun? I fink dat iz whut Crissmuss iz awl abowt. Dont yu?

Keep da pees in yer hart an' dont stwess. Wemember wy we iz heer. Fer eech udder. Gotta go keep Mama warm. She coffed awl nite las' nite. An' I gotta get on her wap furst or da bwat wiww be hoggin' her awl to hisself.

Arfur

(Note from Mama: None of the toys are new. I threw the whole mess in the washing machine and they really do look new and the squeakers still squeak and everything. DO NOT TELL ARFUR.)

Impawtant job

Whelp, at nite wen I wuz twyin' to sweep, I kep heerin' a stwanje noyze. It kep' wakin' me up - okay, it waked me up wunce. Den it waked Mama. It wuz her makin' a weezy noyze. Luks wike I hav a impawtant job dis week...nurss. Da gwanpuppy iz comin' wif da hooman brudder an hiz gurlfwend. Mama iz goin' cwazy cuz now she iz sik an' cannot do whut she wanted to get weddy fer dem. She iz wippen her hares owt. At weest she gotted da tiny twee up (on Vito's cwate) an' da owtdore lites. I gotta go keep her warm...she needs sum west. (She sez she needs a beech, den she sed she needs a made, but dat iz not gonna happin enny time soon.) Teww yu bowt da sprize nex' time.

Arfur

Baby its code owtside

Diss mornin' it wuz so code dat da dwool wuz fweezin' on my wips! So wile Mama wuz makin' Papa's wunch fer werk, I fownd a solooshun. A cupple extwa calleries to keep me tostie. Corse, Mama did not see cuz she wuz bizzy, but much to my dizmay, Papa wuz on da bawl. He taked my booty an' went to sho Mama. She habbed got owt da creem cheez to gib me my piww and put it on da taybul. She did not see it wuz gon. Oops. Now der iz no creem cheez to take my piww. Gud fing Papa gotted it frum me befor it wuz AWL gon. Der wuz jus' enuff to swawwow my piww. Sigh.

Now I need a nap. I fink Mama duz too, cuz Vito wuz up a bunch ov times wast nite. An' evry time he comes bak in frum goin' owt, he wines by da bed fer Mama to moov so he can get innit. Oh, an' he tewws her to wift up da cuvvers, too, so he kin get under! So now she iz hackin' an' weezin' wif a code - probly cuz she did not get enuff sweep cuzza da widdul bwat!

Wemind me to teww yu da big sprize we gotted...

Layder!

Arfur

Bwave Arfur

Wast day, Mama putted me in da car an' stawted to get in but stopped. Pitiful roooing fiwwed da air an' it wuz comin' from da bak yawd. Back into da howse she wan, gwabbed Vito's leesh (wif him on it) ran bak to da car and loaded us up.  We habbed a nise tosty ride, watchin' da seenery and den we stopped. Mama opinned da dore an' WAYDAMINNIT!!! Dis iz da vetlady! I iz NOT gettin' owt. Nope. Whelp, she puwwed, an' tugged, an' pleeded an' den awl ov a sudden - YANK!! An' der I wuz, standin' in da parkin' wot. Not gettin' me in da dore, not gettin' me in dere. Dwat! Weww, I am NOT goin' in dat widdwe room. Dey cawwed my name an' I wuz a gud boy an' gotted on da steppy fing. Don't no wy but she awways sez a number wen I get off an' she sed 52...same as wast time. So az we wayted dere, I wuz lukkin' forwerd to peenut budder wike wast time. But wate! It izn't da vetlady! Its a stwange man. He zoomed in da dore, petted me an' tawked to Mama. Nex' fing I am rizin' up on a taybull dat goze up wike befor, but no peenut budder. Da man chekked my eerz, my teefs, my wumpies, an wile he wuz tawkin' I did not eben reelize he cutted my toe bonz! Den he sed he wuz gonna giv me a shot, take bwud, an' suk sum stuffs owta da wun wumpie. Never eben fewt da shot (wen did DAT happen?) I stud wike a man wen he taked da needull in my weg an' gotted bwud. An I wuz da bestest boy I ebber wuz wile I stud for him to stab my weg an' suk da stuffs owt. Did not eben fwinch. Awl da time da man wuz pettin' me, feewin' me, tawkin' to me an' to Mama an' I reelly did not mind it at awl! Eben I wuz spwized. Mama wuz fwoored! Corse I almose had to ketch her wen dey gibbed her da biww. After awl, I AM a senyior hownd. I gotted 2 piwws an' a skwipshun, bwud werk, wumps tested, an Mama gots a cup an' a ketcher fing to get me to pee (wich I wiww not do) cuz I wud not pee fer da tek pawson. She haz her werk cut owt fer her, cuz I iz not wettin' ennybuddy ketch my pee, not eben my Mama.
Ennyhow, I am a helfy howndy. I gots a P.S.!!! Da doc jus' cawwed an' eberyfing wuz gud!! Yippee!

Tiww nex' time...

Arfur

Sumtimes I wunder

Wots ov fings hav me finkin' lately. Wun iz my mama killin' meese. We hav whut yu mite cawl an invayshun. In udder werds, we iz gots wots ov meese. At furst, day wuz eezy to get in da twaps. Howebber, awl ov a sudden da cridders iz emptyin da twaps an chewwin da lids offa da peenut budder. Dis makes Mama cwazy. She hates da liddul poopers (dey leevs poops evwyplayse). She cant poyzun dem cuz da Pippicat eets dem. but she cant eet enuff to get wid ov awl ov dem. Now dat dey hav figgered owt da twaps, Mama iz finkin' mebbe der iz a gun widdle enuff to shoot da liddle buggers. Dat iz a big ol' NO. Nex fing yu no she wiww be dwoppin' ankers on dem. Eeeew.

Da nex fing I bin finkin' abowt iz -I fink my mama iz weerd. She takes us fer weelly nise wawks at diffwent pawks. Wun by a wivver, an nudder wun acwoss a wake, an eben diffwent wun nex' to a wake. I jus' cant figger owt wun fing. Wy duz she bwing home owr poopies? Az soon as we stop, she iz wippin' owt da bag, den she piks up da hole fing eben wif da leefs under it. Duz she luv us dat much dat she keeps dem? Iz dat wy she puts dem in a can in da bak yard too? She iz owt der evwy day scoopin' up da poopers. I fink dat iz stwaynje. Duz udder mamas do dat too?

Gotta west my bwane fer now. I gots mow fings to figger owt nex time.
Tiww den -

Aaaroooo!
Arfur