Hewp! I'm droolin' an' I cant stop!!

Today Mama habbed to see da doktor an' she lefted reel erly in da mornin'.  To keep us happy, she awlways leevs on da TV fer us to watch.  Dis time she put on GAC witch iz most times myoozic.  BIG MISTEAK!!  It wuz myoozik wen she left.  How ebber, rite after dat it wuz cukkin' shoze wif awl kinds ov fud...it wuz torcher.  We tried to cuvver owr eerz, but hey, basset ears ar big.  We cud awlmost smeww dat yummy fud cukkin'.  Iz Mama tryin' to punnish us fer bein' nawty yesterday?   Or did she reelly not no whut wuz gonna be playin'?  I am stiww droolin' an' cannot stop - oh, da burgerz an' chikkie an' dat big stake da lady tawked abowt - I can see dem...smeww dem, crave dem!! An' I gotta wate till supper time!! O my poor tummy!  How kin I nap wif it growlin' so lowd?
Off to pway wif Vito - mebbee it wiww take my mind offa  fud -
Arfur

My fayvrit moovie

Vito an' me bin watchin' Mama's deeveedeez wen she goze owt.  We  seed  funny moovies, sad moovies, essitin' moovies an' ole tv shoze.  We wike Hairy Pawter da bestest.   Dat way we gots a bunch ov moovies dat ar essitin', pwitty, funny, an skerry, too.  Best ov awl, Hairy habs a scar on hims hed jus' wike Mama's.  Now dat her patch fingy iz off, she wooks jus' wike Hairy - speshully wen she habs her gwasses on.  Ok, so sheez a widdle bigger  (OK, a LOT bigger), iz a gurl, and iz WAY older dan him, but she habs da same mark on her hed, so she must  hav fot dat eevil monster, too,  I'm purty shur she wun.  Da only monster rownd heer iz whutebber iz owt dere in da dark at nite.  I heerd him.  But it smewws mor like a bare or a wackoon  to me.  Fank gudness.  Mama sez moovies is pwetend.  I shur hope sheez rite.  Vito falls asleep on gard watch.
Later,
Arfur

Whut iz up?

Kant figger owt whut iz goin on wif Mama an' shurts.  She gots lots ov basset shurts frum reskyews awl ober da USA.  But dis last wun luks wike a Jinormuss Basset Fayse.  Its got big peepers an a hyoodje noze - eben bigger dan mine (an' I gots a big ol' noze!)  She goze in da store an' a man sez dat shurt makes him wanna feed dat doggy.  Den she goze to a park wif it an' a man sez it makes him wanna pet da doggy.  Now, dont teww Mama, but she iz not a liddle pawson an' her, um, shape makes dat doggy's eyez, um, stand owt, if yu get my dwift.  She sez she wants to get a big ol sine to ware dat sez DO NOT PET DA DOG, YOU HOWNDDOG!  HANZ OFF!  But wiww she stop warin' it?  NO WAY!  She luvs dat shurt - da pitcher, da culler, an' it sez ABC Basset Reskew on it, too!  She finks it makes her seem - no - makes her FEEL liddler.  Mebbee sheez a widdle nuts but sheez my mama an' I luv her ennyway.
Now I gotta go twy an nudder bole ov a noo food sheez tryin' Castor oil an' Smallpox Sammin, I fink it iz.
Layter,
Arfur

Karefull wen yu beg - reelly

At bwekfist on dis day, I  sat rite nex to Papa like I awlways do.  Ebery now an' den, he gibs me sumfin' reelly gud - wike bakin or toste or eben a waffull.  Sumtimes he gibs me sum eggy, too.   (Rubbing head on rug...) How ebber...I fink I gotted too close dis time.   (Scratching ear and rubbing head on tablecloth,,,) Papa wuz fixin' hiz baygull dat he habbed Mama cuk in da pan wif budder after she tosted hers inna toster.  I gotted in reeeeeellllyyy close to see if I cud steel a bite an'.....YUKKKK!!!!  Whut wuz dat???  Sumfin' wuz on my hed dat wuz hevvy an' stikky!  Papa jumpeded up an' gotted a wet towl an' rubbed me, but it did not awl leev!  ICK!  He tole Mama "Arfur habs hunny on hims hed."  Hay!  duz dat meen dat beez are gonna luv me?  NO WAY!!!  I don't wanna luv no beez!  (Running around the rug dragging his head...) I nebber fot I wud say dis, but, "Mama!!  Gib me a baff!!"  Whut do yu meen yu gots no time now?   I wanna baff!  WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!  Take dis hunny offa mine hed!  Wate!  Wuz dat a fly??  NO NO NO - go away fly!  Shoo!!  SHOO!!
I goin' owt da doggy dore to see if gwass wiww take dis offa my hed...or mebbee da doggy pool.

Later,
Arfur

Funny shurt - silly lady

Mama wuz at da fud stor in da mornin' an' she wuz gettin' a widdle nerbuss cuz a lady wuz followin' her awl ober da stor.  She pwetended not to noetiss, but wen she went to pay, da laydy came up to her.  Now Mama wuz warin' wun ov her fayvorit shurts frum Elvis.  Da laydy sez to Mama - "I bin tryin' to reed dat shurt.  I am standin' rite heer an' I stiww cant reed it.  Whut duz it say?"  Mama cud not hewp but chukkle.  It wuz da shurt dat sez, "Ar yu Basset-ized yet?"  Wen she tole da lady, she stiww did not get it.  Mama jus' sed she habs Basset hownds.  An' she laffed awl da way home. An' gess whut??  She gibbed us a cukkie jus' bee cuz.  Now she iz cuttin' owr grasses so we don't hab to pee inside da dore (not me...dats Vito! Hims hangs lower dan me an' he HATES da tikkly grasses!)  Hab a gud weekend.  We mite go to see Doc at da Chatterbox- gots owr pawsys crossed ennyway.

Later,

Arfur

       Doze twesspassers

Gardin' owr spase

 Mama habs steem comin' from her eers an' her noze an' her mowf.  She jus' dwagged us into da howse from OWR yard.  Happinned wike dis:

Vito an' me wuz mindin' owr own bizness, sniffin' da grasses, peein' on bushes, nokkin' down da lilly pwants - layin' in da sunshine - a normal day.  Awl ov a suddin, Vito's noze starts twitchin', wigglin', an' snortin' --- he iz onto sumfin'.  I lift my noze owt ov a speshully fwaygwant pile ov...nebber mind...an' I joyn him sniffin'.  Yep, der iz a twesspasser in owr space.  LOOK!  Its TOO twesspassers an' dey ar taller dan us an' ar bwown wif spots on dere baks!!  WOOF!!!  WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!!!  Gotsta let owr Mama see dat  sumfin' iz rong!!  WOOOFF!!!  AAARRRROOOOOFF!!

Whelp, Mama coms steemin' owta da dore, gwabs us by owr collers an' keeps sayin' KWIET!! SSHHH!!!  Stop it, yu 2!!!  Doze ar babies - leev dem alone!!  Der mama iz eetin' in da front yard!!!  SHHHHHH!!!!  BAD BOYS!  KWIET!!  Doze babies is hidin' from daynjer!

But Mama, dey iz in owr bushes!!  Dey iz in owr yard!  TWESPASSERS!!

An' wif dat, she dwagged us in da dore an' clozed da doggy dore an' made us take a nappy. Patooey!  Babies!  Dey looked pwitty big to me!
Later,
ARfur

Ware's my swimmies?

I wuz mindin' my own bizness  an' habbin' a reelly nice nap wen naychur cawled.  I opinned my eyez an' seed it wuz sorta sunny, so I hopped down frum my chare an' hedded fer da doggy dore.  WHOA!!!  I hadda go get Mama cuz da doggy dore wuz across a pond!  Did it rane in heer?  Woof!  Hay Mama!  Woof! Woof!  Woof!  Mama commed to see whut I wuz tellin' her an' she looked soooo sad!  Her lukked sadder dan owr late brudder Hugo hu had da saddest fase ov ennybuddy ebber!  An' gess whut it wuz!!  C'mon!  Gess!  Da washer masheen peed awl ober free rooms!   Yep, Free ov dem, wun, too, free!  Mama dragged fings owta da big slidy dore an' den mopped, an' mopped, an' froo fings owt all day long.  It's still a widdle wet, but at leest she gotted it so we cud get owt da doggy dore to warn da naybors.  But we sed bye bye to wun doggy bed dat cant be washed, a bunch ov rugs dat we didnt wike much enny way, an' da wurst fing we sed bye bye to wuz owr afternoon NAP!  How cud we get owr nappy wen Mama iz goin' bak an' forf  moppin', draggin', tossin' stuff, moppin' sum mor, in an' owta dat big slidy dore awl day long.  Den she fixeded whut wuz rong wif da bad ol' washer masheen...da drane pipe gotted owt sumhow  an' till Papa kin fix it, she taked a hanger an' tied it up so she cud spin owt awl da towls dat she sopped up wadder wif.  I tell ya dere iz nebber a dull day at owr howse.  Now Mama gotta go get da spidey bite seed agan by da vetman fer peepulls cuz she iz sorta tired ov da big ol' bandidje on her hed.  It will be awlmost a mumf sinse she gotted bit.  Whelp, itz time fer my mornin' nappy...
Later -
Arfur

Da cake story

Ok, bak to da day Mama gotted bit.  It wuz Papa's Antie Dee's burfday an' dey awl went owt to eet, to da traktor puwws, an' to a sho.  Mama habbed bot a pwitty burfday cake an' putted it in da trunk ov da car.   BUTT!!!  Day ate so much day cud not eet da cake.  Day habbed chikkie bar b q, ice cweem, awl kindsa guddies so dey wuz stuffed!  So Mama taked home da cake an' lefted it in da car.  Meentime, it tipped an' slid to awl wun side ov da box.
Now, along coms Papa.  Gets da cake owt ov da trunk, tips it to moov it bak to da middle, but...
Yu gessed it.  Furst it mushed da rong way.  Den, az he camed into da kitchin, he dwopped it.  Now it wuz REELLY smooshed!  No buddy but Papa wuz gonna eet dat cake. No mor pritty roze on top, no mor fancy topping...mooshed!
An' no buddy ebber sed ennyfing abowt it enny mor.  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  But Vito an' me gotted to lik da plate!  hehehe...

No wun cud make dis up

Ware to start?  Hmm..Ok.  Furst, Vito an' me wuz naggin' Mama to cut owr grass cuz it wuz tikklin' ware it shud not tikkle.  So owt she went to cut dem an' den get reddy to go owt.  Now in da mornin' she habbed bin to da dr. hu gaved her stuffs cuz she haz azma.  She wuz awl reddy an' went an' cutted doze grasses.  Some time wile she wuz mowin  she gotted bit by sumfin' - she fot it wuz a bee.  She goed owt wif Papa an' frendz dat nite an' came bak wif a big ol' egg on her hed.  Now after a zillyun doktor vizits an' awl kindsa medissins, she iz finilly gettin' bedder cuz dey figgered owt it wuz no bee.  It wuz a spyder.   Now Mama HATES spiders an' da thot ov wun on her fase still iz givin' her da creeps, but  she must brusheded it off after goin' under a tree an' wen she did dat, it bited her..  It swelled up her hed, her eye, her fase wuz funny feelin', her eye gotted a feckshun, she did not luk gud at awl.  Ackshully, Frankenstine coms to mind...Vito an' me seed da moovie.  She is startin' to luk mor like Mama agan, thank gudness.   But still dere iz eye medissin, hed meddisin, big hyoodje bandades, let me tell ya, it iz pritty groosum.  At leest she iz leevin' us alone - no baffs, or no udder stuffs cuz she hazta fix herself furst.  She tried to do bofe, but den her hed wud hurt, so we gotted offa da hook.  Whew!  But pritty soon sheel be bak to da ole rooteen an' den it's bak gettin' awl dat attenshun - gud an' bad.  But hey!  She gotted us reel big cukkies to make us feel not neg leckted an' I kin liv wif dat!
Later,
ARfur