Chomp! Chomp! Slurp! A hyoodj 'dvenchur

Smack! Chomp, slurp! Munch, munch...BURP!!
Oh...sorry. Hadda finnish eetin' dat. It wuz Mama's wast mater. Too bad she left it too close to da edje ov da cownter wen she made Daddy's wunch. YUM! I wuv maters!
I am finely feelin' bedder an' so I bin steelin' an' woofin' an' stuff.

But last nite wuz a big 'dvenchur fer Vito. Him an' me wuz in da yard an' it wuz dark awlreddy. I came bak in an' wuz nappin' but Mama cud heer Vito bawkin' an' bawkin' so she went to da dore to cawl him in. Did not com. She came bak in an' den mor woofin' so she goze bak owtside. No buddy arownd, no reezin to bawk an' most ov awl, no Vito. Corse, in da dark he iz very very hard to see cuzza hiz culler, so she figgered maybe he wuz jus' owta site. So she went to get da flashy lite fingy, an' BOY wuz he owta site!! First she fot he wuz under da puppy pool, but wen she pikked it up...no Vito. But it shur sownded wike dat iz ware he wuz bawkin' frum. She gets down an' shines da lite fingy under da porch. Dats ware she seez a bwak noze an' 2 peepers lukkin' owt at her. Vito. How he got under iz ennybuddy's gess. It iz only a liddle tiny flat openin'. Sigh. Mama iz breevin' hard an' werried (I cud tell). I fink she wuz gonna get a hatchitt an chop him owt. Howebber, insted she laid on da grownd haff in da mud, haff in da snow pile, shined dat lite rite in Vito's face an' cawled him to come close. She put da lite fingy on da snow pile an' reeched under da porch so Vito cud lik her fingers. Den she kwik grabbed hiz coller, an' slid him bak froo dat liddle hole. She wuz shakin' an' cud not ketch her breff, but she got him! He wuz reel happy an' came runnin' in da howse wif her an' me. He did not leev her side da rest ov da nite. Sorta gud dat Papa wuz not home cuz he mite hav reelly gotted da hatchitt. Mama figgered - he got in, he can get owt wif hewp. She sed it wuz like da time da 2 legger gotted hiz hed stuk in da railin'. Wun fing bowt my mama...she only fawls apart after it iz awl ober! Den she gotted a liddle hewp frum Jack but most ov awl frum da man upstares...yu no, in da sky? She kep sayin' Fank yu God ober an' ober agan.
Whelp,
Dats it for dis day

Arfur