Doze twesspassers

Gardin' owr spase

 Mama habs steem comin' from her eers an' her noze an' her mowf.  She jus' dwagged us into da howse from OWR yard.  Happinned wike dis:

Vito an' me wuz mindin' owr own bizness, sniffin' da grasses, peein' on bushes, nokkin' down da lilly pwants - layin' in da sunshine - a normal day.  Awl ov a suddin, Vito's noze starts twitchin', wigglin', an' snortin' --- he iz onto sumfin'.  I lift my noze owt ov a speshully fwaygwant pile ov...nebber mind...an' I joyn him sniffin'.  Yep, der iz a twesspasser in owr space.  LOOK!  Its TOO twesspassers an' dey ar taller dan us an' ar bwown wif spots on dere baks!!  WOOF!!!  WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!!!  Gotsta let owr Mama see dat  sumfin' iz rong!!  WOOOFF!!!  AAARRRROOOOOFF!!

Whelp, Mama coms steemin' owta da dore, gwabs us by owr collers an' keeps sayin' KWIET!! SSHHH!!!  Stop it, yu 2!!!  Doze ar babies - leev dem alone!!  Der mama iz eetin' in da front yard!!!  SHHHHHH!!!!  BAD BOYS!  KWIET!!  Doze babies is hidin' from daynjer!

But Mama, dey iz in owr bushes!!  Dey iz in owr yard!  TWESPASSERS!!

An' wif dat, she dwagged us in da dore an' clozed da doggy dore an' made us take a nappy. Patooey!  Babies!  Dey looked pwitty big to me!
Later,
ARfur

Ware's my swimmies?

I wuz mindin' my own bizness  an' habbin' a reelly nice nap wen naychur cawled.  I opinned my eyez an' seed it wuz sorta sunny, so I hopped down frum my chare an' hedded fer da doggy dore.  WHOA!!!  I hadda go get Mama cuz da doggy dore wuz across a pond!  Did it rane in heer?  Woof!  Hay Mama!  Woof! Woof!  Woof!  Mama commed to see whut I wuz tellin' her an' she looked soooo sad!  Her lukked sadder dan owr late brudder Hugo hu had da saddest fase ov ennybuddy ebber!  An' gess whut it wuz!!  C'mon!  Gess!  Da washer masheen peed awl ober free rooms!   Yep, Free ov dem, wun, too, free!  Mama dragged fings owta da big slidy dore an' den mopped, an' mopped, an' froo fings owt all day long.  It's still a widdle wet, but at leest she gotted it so we cud get owt da doggy dore to warn da naybors.  But we sed bye bye to wun doggy bed dat cant be washed, a bunch ov rugs dat we didnt wike much enny way, an' da wurst fing we sed bye bye to wuz owr afternoon NAP!  How cud we get owr nappy wen Mama iz goin' bak an' forf  moppin', draggin', tossin' stuff, moppin' sum mor, in an' owta dat big slidy dore awl day long.  Den she fixeded whut wuz rong wif da bad ol' washer masheen...da drane pipe gotted owt sumhow  an' till Papa kin fix it, she taked a hanger an' tied it up so she cud spin owt awl da towls dat she sopped up wadder wif.  I tell ya dere iz nebber a dull day at owr howse.  Now Mama gotta go get da spidey bite seed agan by da vetman fer peepulls cuz she iz sorta tired ov da big ol' bandidje on her hed.  It will be awlmost a mumf sinse she gotted bit.  Whelp, itz time fer my mornin' nappy...
Later -
Arfur

Da cake story

Ok, bak to da day Mama gotted bit.  It wuz Papa's Antie Dee's burfday an' dey awl went owt to eet, to da traktor puwws, an' to a sho.  Mama habbed bot a pwitty burfday cake an' putted it in da trunk ov da car.   BUTT!!!  Day ate so much day cud not eet da cake.  Day habbed chikkie bar b q, ice cweem, awl kindsa guddies so dey wuz stuffed!  So Mama taked home da cake an' lefted it in da car.  Meentime, it tipped an' slid to awl wun side ov da box.
Now, along coms Papa.  Gets da cake owt ov da trunk, tips it to moov it bak to da middle, but...
Yu gessed it.  Furst it mushed da rong way.  Den, az he camed into da kitchin, he dwopped it.  Now it wuz REELLY smooshed!  No buddy but Papa wuz gonna eet dat cake. No mor pritty roze on top, no mor fancy topping...mooshed!
An' no buddy ebber sed ennyfing abowt it enny mor.  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  But Vito an' me gotted to lik da plate!  hehehe...

No wun cud make dis up

Ware to start?  Hmm..Ok.  Furst, Vito an' me wuz naggin' Mama to cut owr grass cuz it wuz tikklin' ware it shud not tikkle.  So owt she went to cut dem an' den get reddy to go owt.  Now in da mornin' she habbed bin to da dr. hu gaved her stuffs cuz she haz azma.  She wuz awl reddy an' went an' cutted doze grasses.  Some time wile she wuz mowin  she gotted bit by sumfin' - she fot it wuz a bee.  She goed owt wif Papa an' frendz dat nite an' came bak wif a big ol' egg on her hed.  Now after a zillyun doktor vizits an' awl kindsa medissins, she iz finilly gettin' bedder cuz dey figgered owt it wuz no bee.  It wuz a spyder.   Now Mama HATES spiders an' da thot ov wun on her fase still iz givin' her da creeps, but  she must brusheded it off after goin' under a tree an' wen she did dat, it bited her..  It swelled up her hed, her eye, her fase wuz funny feelin', her eye gotted a feckshun, she did not luk gud at awl.  Ackshully, Frankenstine coms to mind...Vito an' me seed da moovie.  She is startin' to luk mor like Mama agan, thank gudness.   But still dere iz eye medissin, hed meddisin, big hyoodje bandades, let me tell ya, it iz pritty groosum.  At leest she iz leevin' us alone - no baffs, or no udder stuffs cuz she hazta fix herself furst.  She tried to do bofe, but den her hed wud hurt, so we gotted offa da hook.  Whew!  But pritty soon sheel be bak to da ole rooteen an' den it's bak gettin' awl dat attenshun - gud an' bad.  But hey!  She gotted us reel big cukkies to make us feel not neg leckted an' I kin liv wif dat!
Later,
ARfur

Skerry Day at da Doggy Wash

Mama gotted me in da car wifowt Vito.  Not a gud sine.  I wuz pwitty shur it wuz a twip to da vetman.  Wen we stopped an' got owt, it smewwed wike da vet.  Uh-oh.  I sniffed arownd an' went away frum da dore.  Mama dwagged me in.  I cud heer a fella in da bak yellin' "Hewp me!  Get my mommy!  Wet me owt ov heer!!" over and over again.  He wuz in a cwate.  Did not wuk gud.   A lady came owt an' wuz reelly nice to me an' skritched my eers as she skooted me up a ramp. WATE!!  Whut iz DISS?? I am in a big shiny box! She taked my coller an' leesh an' putted a fing arownd my nek.  Den she sed sum stuff to Mama an' lefted us alone.  Mama wuz happy an' turned on a wadder fawsit.  She  she gotted me awl wet, den skwirted sum stinky stuff awl over me!  YUK!!  She rubbed me awl over an' taked a rubber fingy an' skrubbed me  awl over.  Den she eben lifted up my tale!!!  WHOA!!  Hozed me off, den did da hole fing over agan.  Dis time she skrubbed my gukky eer tips an' dat un menshunibble  spot under my tale.   OWCH!  Dat's my hiney yer skrubbin'!!  Da rinsin' iz not too bad -ok.  Now sheez got a kennel cloff.  Whut, no towl?  She rubbeded me awl ober an' kep' skweezin' it den rubbin' sum more.  Wow - awlmos' dry.  Now she gots a towl.  Mmmm...feels gud.   WATE!!!  Whut iz dat noyz????  ITS A SUKKY MASHEEN WIKE AT HOME!!!  EEEEEEEEKKK!!  HUH??? Its not sukkin' me up.  It's blowin' wike da wind.   Its tryna fool me into finkin' it won't get me!!  Help!  I wanna go home!!  Whew, Mama seems to get it.  Sheez stoppin' da monster masheen.  She tawked to da lady den we gots in da car.   Nex' stop - da doggy store!  YES!!  I see  a HYOODJE bone watin' rite dere fer me!  Ooops.  Not fer me.  Mama sez no, den sum ladies com over wif cukkies an' pets.  Not bad. Got enny more?   Mama gotted doggy fud, den we goed home.  She went owt an' did not com home fer a long long time. Gud fing...I needed a nappy.  Layter, we herd da story ov how da car wud not bring her home, but Daddy's fwend brot her an' da doggy fud - o yeah an' da peeple fud - home.  Gud fing!  We wuz reelly hungry by den!  I fink mor stuff happinned layter cuz da 2 legged brudder came to hewp owr dad an' mom get da car an' den dey wuz gon agan fer a long time.  Better ask her fer da rest.  Dey commed home reeeellly draggin'.  Dey don't hab da zip dat us doggies hav.  Ya no?
Hey, I fink she gotted us buwwy stiks - I'll tell ya layter.
ARfur

Da Mistery of da indore doggy

I gots so much to rite abowt.   Mama bin weezy an' now iz puffin' on a widdle pipe...ackshully 2 ov dem.  Cuz of dis, she iz not owtside or doin' ennyfing an' iz totully un interestin'.  She iz so owt ov it, it taked weeks fer her to figger owt da mistery.  So heer it iz...

After bein' reelly gud boyz fer a long long time, Vito awl of a sudden wud not go owt.  He wud do ennyfing to keep frum goin' owtta da dore.  Mama habs bin gettin' reelly upset wif him an' tired ov cleenin' up after him bofe on da porch an' in da howse.  Cawz of him we bofe gotted  no biskits, no tweets an' sumtimes lokked owtside fer ten hole minnits!!   Non ov dis werked.  Dis day, Mama went owtside (fer da nikzillyunth time) to pooper skoop.  Awl of a suddin, she sez, DATS IT!!!!!  DATS Y VITO IZ DOIN' DISS!!!!  A liddul lite camed on in her hed.  Da hikkery tree iz droppin' nuts wike crazy fer da furst time in YEEERS!.  Vito musta gotted whapped by a nut an' he fot sumfin wuz attakkin' him.  Probly mor dan wun time.  Da rezult iz cleer...he wud not go owt.  Mama finully putted da clooz togevver an' figgered it owt.
Yippee!  She iz re- traynin' him wif treets (we bofe get dem - YES!) an' he iz goin' owt wunce more.

Now, fer a liddle toot on my own horn.  Dis ole boy iz lernin' noo twiks.  Furst, I goze under Papa's chare in da kitchin an' givs him "da look".  Werks evry time fer a snak.

Den, last nite, Vito wuz upstares gardin' da steps an' wud not let me up.  Mama wuz not dere to hewp me, bein' bizzy in da water tub.  So, I jumped up wif a woof, ran to da frunt dore an' bawked an' bawked, den ran bak an' forf wike sum buddy wuz at da dore.  Pwedicktabwy, Vito camed runnin' to woof.  Me?  I went up da stares an' taked da gardin' spot to keep him frum comin' bak up.  Whut a dummy.  He felled fer it :).  I get bedder awl da time.   hehehe...
Keep cool.
Arfur (stwetched owt in frunt ov da cold ayr blower)