Fawl iz heer

Fawl iz heer an' Vito an' me luv leef hoppin' an' collecktin' nuts ov evry kind.  Vito bin puttin' dem under my bed!  But werse dan dat, he steeled my bed dat Antie Anjellyka made dat he nebber eben looked at till now.  Den I have to go chooz frum wun ov da udder beds.  How menny yu ask?  Der be free in da bedroom wif Mama an' Papa plus da big bed ware dey sleep.  But I wikes MY bed!  Vito takes it, den wen I go to sleep, he moovs into da big bed wif da peepulls.  I only get it bak if I happin to wake up  durin' da nite witch duz not happin a wot.

Mama an' Papa bin at da traktor show so we bin alone cuz we cant go wif dem unless Mama takes her car an' dey onwy had da truk to pull Big Red.   So to treet us dis mornin', Mama made panny cakes an' snausadjes.  Now, no buddy shared dere snausadje wif us, but we always get panny cakes.  YUM!  Whelp, Papa gotted up to get sumfin' an' I sneekeded up to steel frum hiz plate.  No buddy wuz eben LOOKIN' at me but day bofe sed "Arfur!!  Get DOWN!!"  Mama sez I get twipped up by da "Arfur warnin' sistem", cuz ebery time, no madder how hard I try not to, ebery singull time I stand up on my bak wegs to steel, my hiney toots!  Iz dere a way to stop dis??  Ennybuddy?  It makes me get cawt ebery time!

 Whelp, owt to play leef hoppers wif Vito!  Whut a gwate day!
You gotsta heer da story nex' time ov da stwange nite smeww...BWAHAHAHAHA!!
Later,
Arfur

Playin' ketchup

So much habs bin goin' on dat I wish i habbed widdler paws so I cud type.  Mama iz gonna install Draggin so mebbe I cud teww da 'puter whut to rite - but wiww it under stand bassetese?  Ennywayz, I did not get much sweep wast nite.  Furst, Mama coffed an' coffed fer a wile, den dere wuz a noyzy vee hikkle goin' up an' down da street.  Now, furst, Mama wuz gonna caww da poleesmens cuz it wuz abowt middlenite.  Den she fot ov sendin' in da troops!  Yep, me an Vito ar da troops an' we wud woof at dat raskle until he went away.  HOWEBBER, Vito wuz so sownd asweep dat Mama cud not wake him...NOT ME!  I wuz awake, just restin' my ize.  Mama onwy fot I wuz sweepin' too. Ennywayz da nasty pawson finely must gotted tired ov bein' a pest an' went home.
Mama gotted up at nite an' fownd part ov Vito's noo colleckshun.  Dis time it iz not stinkybugs, not woolly bares, not stiks, nope none ov doze fings.  Dey iz hikkery nuts.  He  musta dropped wun on da steps an Mama gots a nasty brooz, too.  But dats ok, she iz fine now.  Ooops gotta go papa;s home!  Wooof!
later,
Arfur

Rodes, cars, 'n' basset wuvvers

AAAaaahhhhroooo!!  Arfur here wif wots ov nooz.  O, wook!  Dey iz payntin' da linez on owr rode!  Dey jus' finnished da middle an' dere ar zillyuns ov widdle cones along da line. Nex' dey wiww paynt da lines onda edjiz ober da weeds an' ded possums an' stuff...wike normal.  I wunder if dey wiww wemember to com bak fer da widdle cones?  Wast time, dey wuz in such a hurry to get to da wocal pub dat dey fergotted dem an' dey wuz in da rode fer free dayz - wun, too, free.  I gess after dwinkin' at da pub dey did not wemember dat dey weft dem dere.  BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

O now I wemember whut I wuz gonna rite - got d'strackteded by da line payntin' menz.  Furst, I gotta teww yu whut Mama's car wooks wike.  It iz owd, (Vito sez o-l-d) wite, an' cuvvered wif basset magnets - sum reelly gud wuns!  She eben haz sum dat arn't on it yet.  Not da car yer normul peepull wud dwive.  A cuppla dayz ago, a man  at da gas stayshun Mama goze to, jumpeded into a wady's car, puwwed a nife, an' sed he wud kiww her if she did not take him ware he wanted to go.  I hav to beweev it wuz a gway toy yoda or sumfin' wike dat whut wud bwend in.  Da lady skweemed weelly weelly lowd an' da man jumpeded owt an' ran but gotted cawt.  Der iz no chance dat ennybuddy wud take Mama's car wike dat.  Furst ov awl it iz abowt az vizibull az a pig in a pizza parler.  Secund, Mama iz daynjeruss!!  Reelly, she iz!  I wud not want to tangull wif her cuz furst she wud hurt him, den she wud skweem, den she wud cawl wun ov her fwendz on da poleesse to put him in jayl.  But furst ov awl, no way wud he chooz her car.  Reelly.

An' gess whut my wakky mama did?  She an' Papa wer dwivin' neer PetsMart wun nite an Papa spotted a man wif 2 basset hounds.  He turned into da parkin' wot (so Mama cud see da bassets), drove up to da man so he habbed him in hiz hed wites, den Mama jumpeded owt an' ran up to see dem.  Da man sorta bakked up a widdle an' cleerly wundered ware dis cwazy womin camed frum.  Mama tode him she wuvs bassets an' habs 2 an' habs hewped reskew fer firteen yeerz.  He wooked reweeved an' tole her he wuz from Florry Duh an' dat wun ov da bassies wuz a reskew.  I fink he wuz reddy to run, reelly.  I awso fink he wuz toe tully releeved wen Mama gotted bak in da truk.  He den twied to hurry to da dore ov da PetsMart az fast az he cud wif wun basset doin' a fwat basset an' wun pullin' da udder way.  Hehehe..did not get too far.  Dat wuz wun seeryuss fwat basset!  Hahahaha!
Till nex' time
Arfur

Y Mama shud take us shoppin'

Mama wuz runnin' awownd wookin' fer sumfin' in a bunch ov stors da udder day.  She almos' awwayz coms home wownd up wike a - hmmm....dont no whut - enny wayz awl nerbuss.  Furst ov awl she hates shoppin', secund it mostwy izn't fer her.  But dis time she bwoke her own rool an' went in a stor she nebber goze to.  Shudda taked us to bwake da ice.  She wuz wookin' in da kitchin suppwize fer a meat rak  (sumfin' she sez must be egg stinks).  Dis wady coms by awl dwessed in fansy pants wif a zillyun doller stroler wif a baby in a owtfit dat costed mor dan Mama's car an' she wuz winin' to da clerk dat she cud not find - get dis - fyool fer a spensive match dat lites uh, lets see, fuds on fyre.  Now furst ov awl - hu wud lite fud on fyre to eet it??  Be sides da poynt - ennyway Mama sed her noze wuz stuk to her eye bwowz!  Mama sed she eben wuz shur her poopies did not smeww (she werded it sum udder way).  Da pore lady frum da store sed dey did not seww ennyfing wike dat dere (eben doe der iz a Star Bucks coffee pwace in dat store!).  Da lady wawked owt acktin' wike ebry buddy dere habbed coodies.   Now, if Mama habbed us wif her, we wudda woosened her up wif a widdle warm drool an' kisseded her baby an' ebryfing an' den mebbee she wud hab bin fwendwier, ya fink?  An' we wudda made shur her wud smeww bedder, too...mor wike Mama  ;)
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  Onwy wun fing rong...dat stor dont wet doggies innit.  Its not cwassy wike PetsMart or da feed stor.  Yu meet a bedder cwass ov peepullz in doze stors, rite?

Arfur

Sum fings puzzel me

Mama commed home a widdle wile ago an' she habbed me puzzled.

She wuz goin on an' on abowt sum clown dwivin' a peese ov cwap down da rode an' ya no whut?  He went to da Dizneywand skool ov drivin'!

How kool iz dat?   But I did not fink it wuz time fer twik or tweet yet.  An we iz not neer a sircuss.  He habbed to go reelly far away lern to dwive, didn't he? Don't fink dere iz no Dizneywand awownd heer.  I fot it sownded so neet, but wy wuz Mama so mad?  Her eerz wuz steemin' an' her eyzes wuz red an' she sat down rite away and petted us sort ov fast.  Mebbee hims big feet got in da way an' made him dwive bad.  Or mebbee he wuz jus' bein' funny - wike a clown! I hope I get to see a clown dwivin' sum day.  An mebbee he wiww hav seventeen billyun frends in da car wif him!  Whut fun!

Bakin' my cold bones in da sunshine,
Arfur

Whew! Am I lukky!

I skaped a terrubbel fate wast nite but Vito wuz not so lukky.  Furst let me say if yu fink "dat's rude", "he gots no tayst","ewww" - whelp yer rite.  I am a dog.  I tell it wike it iz.

Evry nite, I sleep in  my doggy bed dat wuz made by Antie Angel(I shud stop der dats whut she iz)ika.  It iz so cozy an' I do not get oberheeted.  Now, Vito sweeps in da big bed wif Mama an' Papa.  Sumtimes he sweeps on top ov da cuvvers an' dey spend da hole nite tryin' to pull da cuvvers cuz he hogs dem an' wen he iz asweep he feels wike a hippy pottymuss holdin' down doze blankies.  Udder nites, wike wast nite, he sleeps under da cuvvers.  Sumtimes at da bottom ov da bed owt ov harms way, an' sumtimes he gets rite between Mama an' Papa - a stoopid moov.  Now furst yu gots to heer dat Vito kin sweep fru ennyfing.  He sweeps wike a rok.  Nuffin' wakes him up (speshully Mama or Papa tryin' to get him to moov).

Now I kin say awmost nuffin' wakes Vito.  Da room wuz kwiet an' evrybuddy wuz sownd asweep ('sept me cuz it wuz my watch).  I wuz snuggled in my bed, Papa wuz gentwy snorin', Vito wuz tukked under da cuvvers, an' Mama wuz kwietly sweepin', too.  Suddenwy I heered a widdle "pffffpffuff!"  Nex' fing I new, Vito pops up an' shakes hiz hed ober an' ober.  "Fwapawapawappa!  Fwapawapawappa!" "SNORT!"  Den he turns awownd an' puts hims hed by Papa (he had had hims chin on Mama's butt) an' afore he settled, he shaked hims hed agan.  Wet me tell yu, it made MY eyez wadder an' I hadda burry my noze in da blankies, so it must hav reelly skunked Vito!  Papa an' Mama slep fru da hole fing.  But we iz pritty shur da culprit wuz Mama.  She habbed too much fwax seeds wif bwekfist, den Papa taked her to Bugger King fer lunch an' rooned her conjestchun.  Da result wuz a tocksik clowd ov tewwibull  gas.  Vito iz stoopid if he sweeps under dere agan.  Nex' time it cud be werse...it cud be Papa!!  Whew!!

Later,
Arfur























1

My brudder da br - ,er, I meen my frend

Vito iz a wot ov fings.  He iz a gud resseller, he pways gud tag (cuz he wets me win), he iz a feef cuz I gotsta steel bak awl my toyz, he iz a taddle tale, he iz da yard patrol - duz da perrim-, uh, parim-...no wets see..he wawks da hole fense evry nite an' evry time he goze owt.  He iz a terrubble katch so I awwayz gets xtra tweets (cwazy kid twize too hard an' dey bownse rite owt ov hims mowf).  He habs a big big  reelly BIG woof dat sownz wike it iz frum a gwate dane.  No, I take dat bak - da gwate dane habs a liddler woof dan Vito.  He iz stoopid cuz he goze after dat widdwe wed lite Mama haz, he finks dat fings drop on da flore wen she puts dem in a bag, an' he AWWAYZ fawls fer da fake "I frew yer toy" trik.  But whut iz reelly neet, he iz lernin' to tawk peepull tawk frum me.  I tawk to Mama an' Papa awl da time.  I say fings soft, I have infeckshin - wate - Mama sez dere iz a "l" in dat werd,.,,infweckshlin?  Duz not sownd rite to me.  Enny  wayz, I wuvs to snuggle an' teww my storiez to dem wen dey iz relaxin' or wen dey iz rubbin' mine belly (cuz den I cant shut up hehehe).  Vito haz lerned a widdle bit and he haz dun it diffrent.  He tawks wen he wants sumfin' - a cukkie, a dwink, a toy, a snuggle...da widdwe sneek!  Himz is gettin' priddy gud at it too.  Now Mama sez, insted ov Arfur tawks so cute, she sez, "AWWWWWWWW  wissen to Vito askin fer a cukkie.  He tawks jus' wike Arfur!"  Da widdwe skunk iz waynin' on my pawrade.  He iz steelin' my funder.  He iz gettin MY attenshun!!!  Now I gotsta lern to make werds.  I kin sownd wike a peepull tawkin', but I don't hab werds.  So I gotta lern to make werds an' den I wiww sho dat widdle koppy kat!

Wate!  Its time fer owr ressellin match.  Its my turn to put my chin on YER bak, Vito...no no  - I start dis time.  Aw fooey, I gonna beet yu ennyway so go ahed...

Till nex time
Arfur